While flipping through the photo gallery featuring those in the movie, I was shocked to see someone I once met several years ago when he was just starting out as a young speaker. There he was in full color, mingling among the nation’s top speakers. My ego immediately tried to bombard me with thoughts like, “Why aren’t you in that movie yourself?” “Shouldn’t you be doing just as well or better than that guy?” “What does he have that you don’t'?”

It was an unbelievable setback because it is my nature to celebrate the success of others because I am genuinely happy for them, knowing that if they can achieve success, so can I. But I was caught with my pants down. I had to pull up and step away for a few minutes. Comparing myself to this guy was pummeling my stomach like crazy. It did not feel good. That’s exactly what your ego wants you to feel.

After stepping away, it dawned on me that from time to time, I tend to compare myself to the success of others and if I’m not careful, this line of thinking can end up dousing the flame of desire within me.

The only saving grace for any of us is the realization that each and every one of us is exactly where we are supposed to be, right now at this very moment. We each have a particular destiny that we came here to achieve and how we arrive there is a unique process, designed just for us. While we do have control over how we think, speak and behave, not everyone has the same capabilities, level of awareness, courage or skill. Some of us take longer than others. So what?

What’s interesting is a lot of people look at me and say, “Wow, he’s accomplished so much” or “He’s pretty famous, I’ve seen him on television, in the newspaper and his name is all over the Internet.” Some of them compare themselves to me, making themselves green with envy. On the flip side, here I am thinking: “Why are they are comparing themselves to me? Don’t they realize that there are hundreds of others who are doing far better than me?”

Isn’t it interesting how the perceptions we have of ourselves can radically differ from those who are looking from the outside? I’ll say!

How can we avoid debilitating habit of comparing ourselves to others?

1. Don’t compare yourself to anyone because they are on a different path.
2. Believe in your heart that you are right where you’re supposed to be at this very moment.
3. Give yourself a fighting chance. You will learn step by step, over time, what you need to do in order to get to the next level. There’s no hurry.
4. Just focus on yourself, your capabilities and be happy with how much you’ve accomplished so far. There are a lot of people who are worst off than you are.
5. Be grateful for everything that’s happened in the past. It made you who you are today. Isn’t that a cause for celebration?
6. Finally, forgive yourself if you feel you wasted precious time with non-productive activities lately. What’s the point of beating yourself up over it? What’s done is done. Each day is a new chance to begin anew.

Food for thought: What’s the hurry? Can you accept that you are exactly where you’re supposed to be right now, at this very moment? And that you will get to where you want to go if you give yourself a fighting chance?

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That is, until I am inspired or find myself in that creative zone where the words flow from my mind to the keyboard easily and effortlessly. This causes me not to write for days or sometimes weeks, even months until BOOM, I’m hit with something I feel is worth your time. (Photo:  WakaMoul)

Today I found it. I stumbled onto a YouTube video that blew me away this morning and I think it will do the same for you. It might even cause you to experience goose bumps!

While I cannot hear music or the voices behind them, I could tell how this man caused Simon Cowell, one of the judges, to cock his head curiously and bring another judge to tears (no, it wasn’t Paula from American Idol but someone else from Great Britain in another TV show).

Watch their reactions when the man told them what he was going to sing. You could tell by their icy stares that they were extremely skeptical of his ability to carry it out, probably because of his appearance. Somewhat overweight with a chipped tooth and an unsmiling face, this man did not look like a star – not by a long shot. But to his credit, he did not let their looks of disapproval disintegrate his composure. In fact, he took his time, much to everyone’s chagrin!

After Simon told him to “take it away when you are ready,” there was an uncomfortably long period of silence. It was palpable – you could feel it – absolutely no one knew what to make of this man. During those few precious seconds of silence, you could literally “see” the oppressive sense of pressure building up all around him.

But the moment he opened his mouth, it was all over. The reaction was swift. In a matter of seconds, the energy switched from itchy, uncomfortable silence to incredible excitement. It was like pure magic.

Watching the video gave me chills and reminded me of what I experience from time to time when I am called to give a motivational speech. For those of you who know my background, I experienced an epiphany on the beach in Florida during one of my mini-vacations while working on Wall Street (“The Moment of My Spiritual Revelation on the Beach“). It was at that moment when I realized that my gift to the world was not buying and selling stocks but using my ability to speak clearly and articulately despite being born deaf. When I am on stage, something profound takes place, just like what happened to this man you’re about to watch. Like him, I become “one with the audience” and manage to convert even the harshest of skeptics into new fans, clients or even lifelong friends.

Like what happens in the video, I have seen people in the audience sit there with a smirk on their faces and folded arms. It’s if they are saying, “Hey big shot, just who do you think you are? What do you have to say that would make my life better than it is already?” Despite the hurdle in overcoming these silent challenges, there is nothing more exhilarating than watching the face of these people undergo a gorgeous, divine transformation with a hearty laugh, smile or a tear because of something you just said. It’s not about the standing ovations – it’s about transforming lives. Isn’t that what we’re all here to do in the first place?

Okay, here it is:

Wasn’t that incredible or what? This leads me to ask you: What is Your Gift to the World?

Think about it…… You were created for a divine purpose. You came here to carry out a specific mission. What is it?

You say you don’t know? Don’t despair. You really do know. The answer is inside you. All you have to do is ask your inner spirit.

Here’s how you can coax it out of yourself. Ask yourself what areas you are really good in? Never mind the money-making potential. What have you done in the past that made time fly by so fast that you didn’t realize what time it was when you were finished? Can you remember a time when you were a child when hours and hours went by without you noticing?

You might want to review an article I wrote several months ago: “Trust that Your Passions will be Supported by the Universe.” Here’s another one: “Timing is Everything.”

Imagine…someone like this guy who didn’t fit the Hollywood stereotype of a “star” only to come on stage and blow everyone away. My God, isn’t that the stuff that movies are made out of? Yet it actually happened – you saw it with your own eyes. If this guy can do the impossible, why not you? As you saw, you don’t need to look like a top model, have a Ph.D, be a CEO or a celebrity to make a difference.

Dreams do come true!

Food for thought: What is your God given talent for the rest of the world? Your talents are very much needed!

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Sometime during the late eighties, I was at a midnight birthday party in New York City. I could tell the music was at full blast because each of the four strategically-placed stereo speakers appeared to be alive with a giant pulsating heart. The party was just starting to warm up, thanks to a few people who had the nerve to herk and jerk their hips like Elaine from Seinfeld:

There I was, holding a freshly refilled glass of white wine, surveying the crowd and looking for a place to fit in somewhere. Within a few minutes, I spied a group of articulate-looking people chatting incessantly with the birthday boy across the room. They were passing dirty jokes back and forth.

“Hmmm…this looks promising,” I thought to myself. Taking a deep breath, I promptly made my way over to join them.

Imagine my shock when I discovered they were babbling away 500 miles an hour, like that guy from the famous Federal Express TV commercials. Remember those?

Not wanting to slink away so soon and possibly draw attention to myself, I stood there, pretending to understand every word he was saying. Sipping my cocktail, I nodded, winked and even laughed at all the right moments. I was an expert at this kind of stuff.

But like a Cheshire cat poised to pounce on its prey, I waited for the birthday boy to say something, ANYTHING, that remotely resembled English so that I could at least have something to respond to.

Luckily I didn’t have to wait very long.

“I’m going to buy some condos downtown……..”

AH! I GOTCHA!

Springing into action, I brazenly cut him off and practically screamed, “Yeah, I know where to go for that. Have you heard of a cute little shop down in the village called ‘Condoms Around the World’?’ Oh, you gotta go check it out!!”

Dang, I was so damn proud of myself – I had done it. I had made my mark that night.

What I didn’t know was that just before I opened my big mouth, someone had turned the stereo down for reasons I’ll never know.

At first, a look of surprise registered on people’s faces. Then as if someone flicked on the switch, everyone degenerated into a cacophony of hoots, cackles, and wails, holding on to their stomachs for dear life. Some were repeatedly banging on the coffee table in a desperate attempt to catch their breath while others were giving each other high fives. Shocked and confused that I could be so profoundly funny over such an innocent comment, but not wanting to be left out, I joined in the chorus of laughter.

My best friend, who happened to be within arm’s length, knew better than to think I understood what had just happened. He decided to be helpful.

Instead of grabbing my arm and towing me to the other room where we could talk privately, he waved at me to get my attention and then said, “Hey, that wasn’t what the birthday boy said. The dude was talking about condos not condoms!”

Some friend he was, yeah.

For the first time in my life, I actually felt like I was having a hot flash if that were possible. Never before did I hope the Lord would magically float down to that living room and beam me out of there!

Food for thought: Bluffing your way through life ain’t the way to live!

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But herein lies the problem.

It is impossible to make everyone happy with the choices we make. If you worry about getting everyone’s approval, you’d never get anywhere. You’d be right where they some of them want you to be. If you’re not following your heart and achieving your dreams, well, that would be just fine with them!

When I made the decision to go from a safe, 9-to-5 clock-punching job at the bank to a career as a stockbroker at Merrill Lynch, I thought I would never hear the end of the comments some of these people were making like, “You’re crazy!” “You’ll never make it in this business.” Had I listened to them, I would not have gone on to enjoy a six-figure, award-winning career at the firm. I would never have known that I had what it took to make it in the securities business. You can read about an interview I had with them here.

The same thing happened when I made yet another stomach-turning decision to quit Wall Street to follow my dreams of becoming an inspirational speaker, writer and eventually pilot. In fact, the naysayers were out in full force!

Several years after I left Wall Street, I made the mistake of telling certain people about my dreams of becoming the world’s first deaf instrument rated pilot. They said, “Now, be realistic, it will never happen.”

One man, a flight instructor, even went out of his way to prove to me just how impossible that would be. He enthusiastically flipped through the pages of a large, thick book of FAA regulations. When he found what he was looking for, he gleefully pounded his finger on the page where it was written in black and white that two-way radio communication was required for the instrument rating. And then he laughed right at my face, vigorously shaking his head. I’ll never forget that day – it made me even more resolved than ever to achieve it.

Who do you think got the last laugh?

People who are two-faced, jealous or critical because of your success are those who have their own issues to grapple with. Their negative emotions usually have nothing to do with you. I know it’s hard, but you cannot take it personally.

What you may not be aware of is how fearful they are of moving forward and because of that, they are stuck in a rut – they don’t want to see you get ahead either. Perhaps they’re having financial problems so they don’t want to see you driving around in a new car, reminding them of their situation. Maybe they’re insecure with themselves and do not want to take responsibility for all the things they are attracting into their lives – so they pelt you with criticism because you happen to be the closest target. “Well meaning” people might even disguise their behavior behind the facade of “tough love.” Has any of this happened to you? Well, you’re not alone!

But let’s turn the tables on you for a moment. Were you passed over for a promotion? Did a friend inherit a large sum of money or win the lottery? Did someone you know get a fabulous career opportunity? Was your business acquaintance someone who was selected over you for a major contract? How did that make you feel? Were you jealous or genuinely happy for them? Be honest with yourself.

If you were jealous, it means deep down, you don’t think you can enjoy the same kind of blessings. According to the law of attraction, that’s like telling the universe you feel you cannot have what just happened to them. “Your wish is my command, ” is what the universe says in response.

On the other hand, if you are genuinely happy and excited for them, it means you intuitively know and understand that bigger and better things are in store for you too. You understand that God will reward you in time – it’s just a matter of due course. So why not celebrate the success of others while you wait for your turn? Wouldn’t you want them at your table, celebrating with you when that time came? Who wouldn’t? It’s no fun celebrating all by yourself!

This is why it’s so important to surround yourself with the right people. Last year I wrote an article on this. You can see it here.In short, the more successful you become, the more potshots that will sling your way. They are simply distractions. And when they arrive, it’s very tempting to get distracted from your vision and try to explain yourself or otherwise reason with them. But sometimes no matter how hard you try, they will not “get it” anyway. Realize that not everyone will want to celebrate with you at the table.

The very first lesson I learned about “energy wasters” came while I was a stockbroker at Merrill Lynch. The branch manager had transferred an elderly lady’s portfolio to my care. I soon found out why.At the time, I was a young rookie, eager to please, so I was thrilled to get her account. Every time she asked me to search for new investments for her portfolio, I was like an eager beaver, digging in and spending countless hours looking for the best possible solution only to have her reject my recommendations again and again. With an upturned nose she would invariably say, “That is just not good enough, keep looking!” Pretty soon I was expending all of my energy trying to please her at the expense of my other clients.

Eventually I got smart and realized how I was wasting so much precious time trying to win her over. I ended up “firing her.” Her account was transferred yet again to another unsuspecting stockbroker who had no idea of what was coming. The act of letting her go freed me up to assist those who genuinely wanted my advice.

Critics like her abound everywhere. I soon learned that lady was a bitter, unhappy person who had lost her husband and was living a lonely life somewhere in the city. Looking back, I remember when were first introduced. There she was, sitting there with a permanent scowl written all over her face along with a severely pinched forehead. She never smiled and complained about everything she could think of. Unfortunately, being a young, eager beaver, I never paid heed to the warning signs but there they were in extravagant display for all to see!

The lesson I learned is that you must pay heed to what’s in your heart, stay focused on your dreams and do not get involved with other people’s negative drama. It may be tempting to get down to their level and “fight the good fight” to win them over or even prove them wrong.

NO.

That’s not your job. That’s the universe’s job. Let God handle the naysayers for you.

The more successful you become, the more jealous and critical people you will encounter on the way up. You must learn to steer clear from them – love them at a distance. Do not let them embroil you in their drama. So what if they can’t see your vision? So what if they don’t like you? So what if they think you’re crazy for taking a certain course of action? It’s your life, not theirs! If they want to stay where they are, let them be. You must go on.

If a well-meaning person comes up to you and says, “Hey, I overheard so and so talking about you behind your back.” This would be a perfect time to put your hand up and say, “No, I don’t have time for gossip. I can’t control what people will say about me and it’s none of my business anyway.” Put a stop to it right then and there. That will stop the negative energy from snowballing and consuming you.

On the other hand, if someone starts to gossip about another person in your presence, you could put a stop to it and steer the conversation in a different, more positive and productive direction. Change the energy of the conversation and put some good energy back into it. Don’t become a “gossiper” – take the high road and let God handle the rest.

Food for thought: If you let what others think of you become your business, it will consume all of your time and energy, draining you of the ability to move on with your dreams. If God put a desire in your heart and it genuinely feels good, then no one can tell you otherwise.

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It took me years to come to terms with my hearing loss. As a kid, not a day went by when I didn’t wish I was someone with “normal hearing.”  It would be a long time before I finally became aware of my inner power and understood that I was on a very special mission to make a difference in the world.

One night I had a brilliant idea. I decided to leave my hearing aids at home and go out on the town for a few drinks.  That way no one would know I was deaf—without those hearing aids, I looked completely “normal.”

Taking the train downtown to Soho, I entered a trendy nightspot and immediately ordered a martini. I sat at the bar by myself, minding my own business, looking around but not speaking with anyone. Don’t ask why I would go out and not want to talk to anyone!  But so far, so good.

Just as I ordered a second martini, a lady who looked like she had just stepped out of a James Bond movie walked in.  She was wearing a long mink coat that trailed behind her 100 miles, wore a red dress and red fingernails, a red pocketbook and even red shoes.  I never saw anyone so color coordinated!

I wondered who she was—perhaps a movie star or something?  I gulped down the martini.

Within seconds she slid next to me and proceeded to order herself a glass of red wine, the color of which matched her lips exactly.  She was clearly alone, but I did my best to ignore her.

At some point, I ordered a third martini and somehow made the mistake of turning in her direction. The inevitable followed. She said hi. I said hi back. Suddenly we were talking about nothing important. As far as I could tell, my accent-sounding voice never betrayed me.  I must have been doing a good job lip-reading because I was responding in all the right places.  Every time she laughed, smiled or rolled her eyes, I did exactly the same.  She had no clue.

Eventually, we reached a lull in the conversation.  I ordered a fourth drink and while I was waiting for it, the James Bond Lady suddenly leaned over and started to whisper in my left ear!  Instead of instinctively backing away and telling her that I couldn’t hear, I just sat there and acted as if I knew exactly what she was saying.  I laughed, smile and shook my head as if she were the funniest lady in the world.

Suddenly she pulled back and looked at me in a quizzical sort of way.  Judging from her look, she was looking for either a “Yes” or a “No.”

It took all of two seconds to respond.  “Uh-huh, yep, sounds GREAT!”  I smiled.

I guess that was all she wanted to hear because her reaction was swift and purposeful.  She expertly extinguished her cigarette, gulped down the rest of her drink and dove into the mink coat all at the same time, while barking orders like a drill sergeant, “FOLLOW ME.”

As if in a trance, I trotted after her like a clueless Golden Retriever to a waiting cab outside the bar.

While the cab wound its way in and out of traffic on the way uptown, my mind was busy with thoughts, trying to figure out what exactly she whispered in my ear earlier. We’re probably going to a party, I concluded.

Within twenty minutes, the yellow taxicab pulled up in front of the swanky Ritz Carlton hotel on Fifth Avenue.  After she paid the fare, we both breezed through the marble lobby and took the elevator up to the 19th floor. I grew increasingly uncomfortable as the numbers climbed higher on the overhead panel.

Trying to appear nonchalant, I finally asked, “So, where are we going?”

“You’ll see.”

“Oh.”

Arriving at the 19th floor, we stepped out, turned right and walked about halfway down the long corridor, stopping at Room 1960 (I remember that number because that was the year I was born). Pulling out the room key, she turned to me and breathlessly said, “Are you ready?”

Trying to appear like a cool cat, I shrugged my shoulders and managed an unintelligible response, “Nuhhh.”

Pushing the card in and out of the slot, she swung the door wide open. My eyes were immediately drawn to the king-sized bed, and what I saw made my knees buckle.  I had to hold onto the doorframe for support.

Sprawled across the bed was an assortment of leather chaps, a pair of handcuffs and a whip!

Face paper-white, I slowly turned to her and shakily said, “Hey, listen, um, this really isn’t my cup of tea.  I thought you invited me to a party or something.”

The James Bond lady’s face turned into a mass of contorted fury.   Bringing the tip of her red fingernail dangerously close to my face, she yelled angrily, “WHAT, ARE YOU DEAF OR SOMETHING?!?”

“Yesssssss!”

And then I bolted past her to the stairwell, where I practically slid all the way down to the lobby and hopped into a waiting cab—just like in the movies.

When I arrived home fifteen minutes later, I fixed myself a fifth and final martini.

Food for thought:  Be authentic.  You were created exactly as you are for a divine purpose.  If you don’t accept yourself for who you are, how can you expect others to accept you?

End of Sample Chapter 9

Chapter Nine Exercise

We’ve all made decisions that placed ourselves in embarrassing or otherwise dire situations (hopefully not like I did with the “James Bond Lady”!).   Despite those decisions, you’ve actually never, ever made a mistake.  This is because everything that happens is nothing more than an experience.  That’s all it really amounts to.

Having said that, have you ever made the decision to deny the very essence of who you are by dressing, speaking or acting in a certain way because you were afraid others would judge, criticize or attack you?  Have there been situations in your life where you agreed to do something even if it didn’t feel right in your bones because you were worried others would disapprove?

Write down where you could be adding layers of protection to shield you from the reaction of others.    What’s the perceived reality of withholding this information?

What’s the worst thing that could happen if you became a more transparent in certain areas of your life?

What’s the best thing that could happen?

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