But that’s another post for later this week.

After the service was over, we went out for a bite to eat and had a rather interesting discussion about his spiritual/religious beliefs, some of which I agreed with while I had difficulty wrapping my head around others (i.e. a wrathful God who doles out punishment).

At one point we were philosophizing (I love to philosophize!) about how God uses everyone as a messenger of sorts to reach out to others.  As I was talking about a specific instance of how I was used, I realized it had the making of a useful post here at Adversity University.

In September of 2000, I was looking for a part-time job to supplement my income while building a professional speaking career.  I had just left the world of Wall Street only a few years prior to pursue my newly established dreams of becoming a speaker, writer and eventually pilot.  Because I was still in the process of developing speech materials and getting myself out there, I needed to find a way to pay the bills.

It was right around that time I had a few months of flight training under my belt after having made the stupendous discovery on the Internet that deaf pilots had been flying since 1948.

By that point, I was taking flight instruction at a small one-man flight school.  But after several lessons, I was informed that Jason Barton (the flight instructor) had been offered a flying job in Colorado.  That meant he was shutting down and moving out West.  (The photo you see is a much thinner me standing next to a small Cessna 150 after my very first flight lesson on March 23, 2000).

An idea occurred to me that I should not only find another flight school, preferably a bigger one, but also find one where I could work part-time in exchange for steep airplane rental discounts.  I had gotten this idea from reading stories of pilots who had financed their flight training that way.

One thing led to another and I found myself at Troy-Oakland airport where I previously shared the story of a flight instructor who gave selflessly.  It was he who told me of an opening at that airport and introduced me to Susan, the personnel director.

An interview was set for me to meet two young men who were running the operations department.  For purposes of this story, I will call them Chris and Joe.

I distinctly remember the interview well.  Chris seemed pleasant but Joe was a bit guarded.  I could tell that Joe wasn’t all that enamored about hiring a deaf guy.   He didn’t seem to think I had what it took to be a line service specialist (i.e. fuel customer planes, tow them around and assist the mechanics with light maintenance work).  Carl, on the other hand, was enthusiastically full of ideas on how they could provide me with a text-based pager that vibrated every time a fuel order came through.

Despite Joe’s stiff resistance, I was hired.

As you can imagine, there was a lot to absorb, one of which was learning how to transfer thousands of gallons of fuel from the fuel farm into the trucks.  The learning curve, while not excessively steep, was a challenge for any newbie. (Photo credit:  Charly Mann)

One evening, I was out behind the fuel farm and Joe was there, watching me hook up the hoses and pull a few switches.  Of course, I was very nervous because I had all sorts of fears about what would happen if I made a mistake like spilling fuel or pulling the wrong switches.

As darkness fell, I had to use a flashlight throughout the task.  Joe was standing there with a smirk on his face.  It was almost as if he was willing me to make a mistake so that he could prove that I wasn’t up for it.

At one point, I asked him for some assistance and show me the ropes.  In an arrogant sort of way, he impatiently huffed and puffed his way through the procedures and literally dared me to follow suit.  That only made me even more nervous.

Needless to say, it was not a pleasant evening.  I had to shine the flashlight at his lips so that I could read them, which caused his ire to rise even further.  Thick tension hung in the air – you could have literally sliced through it, leaving a trail in its wake.

Eventually I eased into the routine and fell into the groove, no longer needing his unwanted attention.  Meanwhile, I was taking flight lessons from that flight instructor I told you about earlier (see the link above).  Apparently this earned me a bit of begrudging respect from Joe, especially after I finally became a pilot.  It didn’t take long after that before we became good friends, often flying together to a lot of different places.

One night we were flying back to the airport from a trip to Ohio (where I would eventually relocate to) when we experienced an electrical failure in the cockpit.

Unlike the photo you see at the left, instrument panel was pitch black.  All we could see was what was outside, the sprawling city lights, to guide us.

Now, this was not in of itself a catastrophic event because we were flying on a clear night but it required nerves of steel.  (Photo credit:  Dr. Engineer-001)

Since I had flown the first leg (from Michigan to Ohio) it was his turn to fly.  The emergency put him on the hot seat and I could see that his face was twitching, the likes of which I had never seen him do before.  The cockiness was no longer there.  This was for real.

I was instantly transformed from a lazy passenger in the right seat to a navigator, pointing out various cities on the way back.  A special flashlight was used to monitor critical instruments like the airspeed and altitude indicators, among others.

All of a sudden, we were a team.  Unlike the day I was learning how to fill up the fuel trucks, we really needed each other.  What a reversal of roles!  Obviously, we made it back safely but neither of us ever forgot the incident.  I would say this flight cemented our friendship even tighter for he realized I was one sharp fella in the cockpit after all.

A few years later, the airport management disbanded and sold the company to someone else who laid off virtually everyone including Joe and I.  Joe found another airport job and got married while I moved down to Ohio to begin my quest for the historic instrument rating.

We kept in touch mainly by email.  One day I received message that he and his wife wanted to fly themselves down to Ohio to meet with me on an urgent matter.

“We want to get some advice from you…it has to do with our baby boy.”

I quickly replied, “Sure, I’d be happy to see you two, come on down anytime!”

Arrangements were made to meet at Wadsworth Airport, a small field without an air traffic control tower where I had been renting planes for some time.  A date and estimated time of arrival was set.

On the day of their arrival, I excitedly drove myself to the airport and waited with anticipation.  Swirling in my mind were thoughts of what on earth they wanted to talk to me about.

Pretty soon a twin engine Diamond aircraft appeared in the sky, very close to the time Joe said they’d arrive.

It was them.

After Joe parked and shut down the aircraft, the three of us piled in my car and headed to Bob Evans for a bite to eat.  We ordered our meals and made idle chit-chat for several minutes.

My heart kept pounding.  I was impatient for them to get to the crust of the real reason for flying down to see me.  They weren’t just coming out to say, “Hello.”

And by the way, while we were catching up on things, I kept marveling at the fact that this guy, who once didn’t like me, was now here with his wife……to get my advice on something!

I kept watching for signs leading to an opening when it finally came.

From his wife.

“About our son……”

Here it comes. Setting down the fork, I leaned across the table.  “Yes?”

Taking a gulp of air she said, “Shortly after birth, the doctors performed routine tests on the baby and…….”

My eyes flitted back and forth between the wife and Joe.   I was stunned to see his eyes welling up.  He was definitely struggling to maintain his manly composure.  This was a guy who was not used to putting his emotions on display.

Suddenly, I knew what was coming.  I held my breath.

She continued, “Our son was born with a severe loss of hearing and we aren’t sure what to do about it.  We were hoping you’d give us some tips.”

There was a long, pregnant pause.  The air seem to crackle.

At that moment, my shoulders eased back and slumped.  It was similar to what people feel when they are finally told the truth after an extended build up of anticipation.

I spent the next several minutes sharing my own experiences of growing up deaf.  I talked about the possibility of getting hearing aids for him or opting for the cochlear implant surgery.  I described how I was taught to speak and how I learned sign language much later in life.

They were cautioned that what my parents chose for me might not necessarily work for them but that the options were there.  Parents of hearing impaired children have much more available to them today then when I was first diagnosed with deafness.   More ideas and tips were given to the very grateful parents.

Before long it was time to take them back to the airport.  I could tell the trip did them much good for they appeared much less burdened than when they first arrived – there was hope for their son.

The moral of the story?  It was no accident Joe was put on my path the way he was.  Without him realizing it, I ended up becoming his teacher.  Even I didn’t know why this guy was put into my life until that very moment.  It was so abundantly clear.  But it took years for the real reason we met to surface.

The universe is like that.  Mysterious, yet exacting.

Food for thought:  Have you ever had someone put on your path to teach you a lesson?  Looking back, can you think of someone who was put on your path so that you could teach them something of value?  I’d love to hear your stories of connection and how they panned out for you (or them).

a

It isn’t easy taking risks, especially if the outcome could go either way. If you’re a public speaker, a business owner or occupy a position in which you are judged by the public, every decision you make will have some kind of impact on your success.  (Photo:  redfriday)

There’s much talk about the importance of carefully nurturing a public persona, creating an air of professionalism if you will. But at what cost? Do people hire you because you appear polished with perfect videos, perfectly created websites, perfect blogs?  Or do they hire you because of your authenticity?  Or both?

I am bringing up this topic because a dear friend of mine told me last week that if she didn’t know me and had been introduced to me via the contest video from last week, she would not have been at all impressed, especially with the kind of speaking fees I command.

To say at the least, it was shocking to hear this, coming from a long time supporter and friend.

She was speaking under the condition of a close friend, “Your subscribers love you and they aren’t going to tell you the truth.”

“But I will,” she said.

“What made you say that?” I replied, dumbfounded.

“When the contest video started, you were reading from something, not looking at the camera. That’s where you missed the opportunity to connect with the viewer. And then at the end, we saw an unflattering picture of your neck when you attempted to turn off the camera. Compared to the speaking demo tape (which was highly professional and polished), it was an amateur job and if I were a meeting planner and who saw that video before I got to know you (either through the demo tape or places like my speaking website), I would not have hired you.  If I were you, I’d take that video down immediately.”

Thrown for a complete loop, I sat in silence, thinking hard.  

Did I take an unnecessary risk by posting the contest video on YouTube (which has garnered well over 3,000 views and a stream of nothing but positive comments)? 

Or did I take a leap of faith and went for it, even though I did not yet know how to edit the video? (I still don’t).

It’s all a matter of perception. One person may see this as a foolish mistake, risking a loss of potential clients. Another might gloss over the imperfections and concentrate on the message instead.

Like the book publishing business, videos, podcasts and other forms of media are judged by an entirely subjective group of people. One publisher might think someone’s book has the making of a runaway bestseller while another might look at the exact same material and toss it in the garbage.  That’s what happened to JK Rowling, the world’s first billionaire author of the mega-successful Harry Potter series.   

A long-time subscriber who saw the contest video put it this way:

You have created a video that people LOVE and you have done that having only created two of them in your life. Perhaps I am biased because who you are and what you say and how you say it drums louder for me than the video protocol of which your friends speaks. I didn’t notice that because that wasn’t what I was looking for. Others who are tech savvy, etc. may agree with her and her feedback may have some substance. [But] you telling that story in the way that you did was incredible for a 2 minute time slot.

The purpose of this article is not to slam my friend nor defend my actions using comments from subscribers like the one above. I’m completely neutral on the subject matter. 

To be fair, I can see her point.  I do not envision very famous speakers putting out a video that ends with an unflattering shot of their necks.  All of their work is top-notch, professionally done. 

On the other hand, if I had let my inexperience with video editing stop me, I would never have given myself a chance to compete in that contest.  At this stage, while I haven’t won the most number of views (a couple of others garnered much more than I did), I am still in the running as the judges have not yet tallied up their votes.  I’m told we’ll find out very soon. 

Based on past experience, if you’re afraid of taking a risk because you think others will judge you in a manner that you might not like, then you’ll miss out on an opportunity to touch and reach the right people.  

Some people might or might not agree with my friend who called the video amateurish.  I know she was speaking from the heart and meant it with love.  I told her so.  But on the flip side, not everyone will subscribe to what the above-mentioned subscriber said either.   

So who’s right?

Contrary what you might think, I’m not trying to win over anyone to anything.  But I’m quickly finding out, especially at this stage of my career, the more I advance toward my dreams and take risks, the more I will encounter differing opinions about whatever I’m doing.  And it’s not the first time it happened either. 

A few years ago when I told a veteran flight instructor that my dream was to become the first instrument rated deaf pilot, he laughed at my face and eagerly (too eagerly I thought) showed me the FAA rule book to prove his point.  Was he acting in my best interests? 

That’s the price you pay for putting yourself out there.  Having said that, the question I have in my mind is will this contest video, in the long run, turn off potential clients?  Should this video be taken down once the contest is over and replaced with a more polished cut? 

Or should this video be left to its own devices, in the hope and belief that the universe will attract the right kind of people who are trained to look past imperfections and see a diamond in the rough? 

My situation is not at all unique.  We all face these kinds of questions at some point during our lives, especially when we shoot for the stars and possibly stumble along the way.  There’s always the potential of looking like a complete fool.  But one won’t find that out until the leap has been taken. 

In my book, there are no mistakes.  Only experiences.  There are no right or wrong answers.  

The floor is yours in the comment section. Please feel free to offer your take on this.  Let’s make this a fun, value-added and respectful conversation!   

Food for Thought: What’s your take on this? How far should you go in taking risks? What constitutes a foolish risk versus a daring risk that could pay off in spades?

a

Yikes!  Does the mere mention of those words strike fear in your heart?  If you’re like most people, it does.  (Photo Credit:  laffy4k)

These are my own observations for I have personally gone through the gamut of emotions involving the very thing many people are afraid of.  If I were a psychologist evaluating my life’s history, I would probably say I became a motivational speaker because as a child with a profound hearing loss, I missed out on a lot of late-night dinner conversations, often becoming lost in the shuffle of human interaction.   The psychologist in me says that because of that, I unconsciously set out to find a way to make up for it. 

My theory is that I gravitated to public speaking because that’s where I discovered that public speakers are in total control over the flow of information.  Everyone’s attention is riveted onto you, hopefully hanging every word you’re saying. 

It’s quite the theory, isn’t it?  Whereas as a kid, no one paid much attention to me at the dinner table but now that I am a professional speaker, I have command of hundreds, sometimes thousands of people in one room.  How cool is that?

My goal with this article is not necessarily to convince you to become a public speaker.  Instead, it is to encourage you to think about the possibility of what it can do for your own personal development should you decide to take up the challenge of doing what most people list as their #1 fear.          

Regardless of what you do with this article, I will tell you this.  Being able to get over your fear of public speaking can have a huge payoff for your career or business. Employers are always looking for candidates with excellent communication skills. Even if you aren’t in the position to use public speaking as a tool for your career, it can be a significant confidence booster. 

I once had the pleasure of watching Ann, a painfully shy woman with poor social skills, transform into a major social butterfly after taking public speaking courses.  It was an absolute miracle to witness.  There’s nothing like the feeling of giving a good speech that was well received.  But it requires the willingness to walk through your fears and risk possible embarrassment on the way. 

The moment I had my spiritual awakening on the beach in April 1996, I knew I was destined for an altogether different path.  Except for the few speeches I gave while in college, I had no idea it was part of God’s divine blueprint for me.  Other than my success on Wall Street, I didn’t feel I was much of an expert in anything.  It wouldn’t be another several years before I realized I had the right to claim expertise on overcoming adversity and achieving the impossible like I did when becoming the world’s first deaf instrument rated pilot in 2006.

Like Brian Kim says, it’s all about doing the best you can with what you’ve got.   And then giving yourself a pat on the back and answering Lyman’s question, ”Are You Doing the Best You Can Do?”

TWO WAYS I GOT STARTED

Joined Toastmasters (TM) 

The first thing I did was to become a member of the Roughriders Toastmasters Club in New York City shortly before quitting Wall Street.  You can easily locate one in your town by visiting TM’s website. 

It is a place where everyone knows exactly what the others up at the podium are going through, thereby providing a friendly, supportive environment. 

Here’s what I got out of it:    

• Practiced giving prepared speeches by following guidelines to help absolute beginners become a competent speakers. 
• Got positive and constructive feedback from other members after giving a speech.
• Was frequently voted ”Best Speaker” and ”Most Improved Speaker,” a tremendous motivator to keep going (I collected a lot of blue and red ribbons in those days).    
• Learned how to think on my feet during the dreaded ”Table Topics” portion of the meetings.  The moderator would pull a question out of thin air and randomly select someone to provide a quick, succinct one-minute response.  It was NOT my favorite thing because I was never comfortable with giving off-the-cuff remarks but it prepared me well for future question and answer sessions.   
• Gave me an opportunity to enter local, state, divisional and international TM speech contests.  One year I advanced all the way up to the divisional level, winning first place in a humorous speech contest and beating out Julie Morgenstern who, years later, would go on Oprah, instantly making her a best-selling author.  She was like Clay Aiken, the second place American Idol winner who became more popular than Ruben, the guy who beat him.  But you wait Julie, you’ll see what God has planned for me, I’ll catch up to ya!  (Evil Cackling in the background)

Spoke at Service Clubs like Kiwanis, Rotary, Lions

Here’s a tip if you never, ever want to go hungry.  Service clubs are always looking for speakers in exchange for a free meal.  Yes, that’s right, you can speak for food!  It is at these meetings where you can step outside the safety confines of your TM club and get in front of real audiences, testing new materials and taking risks (like moving away from the podium for the first time).  Simply look them up in the local phone book (or google them) and then say, “I’m available to speak for food!”  Whoever answers the phone will get a big kick out of that and you’ll be booked immediately at the next available slot – trust me!      

BUT WHAT WILL I TALK ABOUT?

You may not think you have anything worth speaking about but you actually have a treasure trove from your own life’s experiences.  People LOVE real-life stories as opposed to dry, boring facts.  As soon as you learn how to weave personal experiences in your speeches, you’ll have a captive audience in the palm of your hands.  They’ll be influenced and impacted by your words simply because you cared enough to shared a piece of yourself that they can identify with.  For example, everyone loves rags to riches stories.  Do you have one?  What about stories of defeat or triumph?  Everyone has experienced some form of adversity.  How inspiring it would be for your audience if they knew that they could also overcome great odds to succeed, just like you!  

Here’s what you can do when looking for stories:

• Chicken Soup for the Soul books:  When I first started out, I was stuck for story ideas.  I had not yet learned how to pull together my own life experiences so I used some of my favorite Chicken Soup stories in the beginning.  An example would be a speech I did for the Brooklyn Kiwanis Club many years ago called You Are Making a Difference!     
• Create a file for “Major Life Experiences:”  This is where you list your biggest achievements, biggest disappointments, most embarrassing, most devastating and the funniest moments of your life, to name a few.  The moment I created this list, I couldn’t believe how fast and furious ideas sprung forth!      
• Write Short Stories:  Write out short stories for each major experience you’ve had.  The act of writing it out makes it easier for you to remember important key points during a speech.  I took this one step further and submitted them online to see how others would react to it.  That’s how I ended up publishing three different stories in three books, one of which was ”Chicken Soup for the College Soul” (i.e. Dare Take Risks!).  There are a ton of websites out there begging for short stories like heartwarmers.com and many others.  All you have to do is google “inspirational stories” and you’re on your way.      
• Interview Your Parents, Teachers:  Ask them what you were like when you were growing up.  Find out how you handled challenges back then.  This is guaranteed to trigger long forgotten memories, giving you access to even more stories for your speeches.    

HOW DO I GET RID OF THE BUTTERFLIES?

Visualize the audience with loving energy:  Draw into your mind a sea of smiling faces in the room.  If feasible, visit the location of your speech the night before and mentally bless the room with thousands of angels of light, silently affirming to yourself, ”The audience loves me and I love them back.  Their hearts are genuinely touched by my messages.”  Then just before you go to sleep, pull up your memory of the room and go through the visualization process again.  If you can’t visit the room ahead of time for some reason, create an image in your mind and project the love of energy onto your imaginary audience.  The more love you give out, the more you will get back.

Let out a Bloodcurdling Scream:  Years ago while preparing for a speech for an audience of a thousand people, I asked to be led to the basement of the building where I was to speak.  I had an idea that I wanted to try.  Upon finding myself a small abandoned room, I shut the door, took a deep breath and then let out the loudest scream I could muster.  Oh what a relief it was!  Of course, I ran the risk of scaring the hell out of someone who might think I was being murdered.  But gosh, it really worked!   

Workout:  If screaming isn’t feasible, the next best suggestion would be to wake up early on the day of the speech and give yourself a strenuous workout at the gym, go for a run or do some push-ups in your hotel room.  Work up a sweat and then take a long, hot shower.  It’ll relax your body, mind and spirit.  

One reassuring note for aspiring public speakers:  Despite the countless of professional speeches I’ve given, I will be the first of many to admit I still experience butterflies.  Not the crippling kind but perhaps the heart-pounding mixed with trepidation kind.  For as long as I am a speaker, I think it will never go away completely, regardless of how many times I decide to scream or do push-ups in my hotel room or visualize the room with loving energy.  I once heard that the moment the butterflies stop, it’s time to quit because then you’re no longer excited about what you’re doing. 

BE WILLING TO TAKE RISKS

Start with Notes at the Podium Then Move Away  -  Inches at a Time:  As a beginning speaker, you will most likely make extensive use of the podium.  It has served as a great refuge for many throbbing knees and shaky hands.  But as you gain more confidence, it’s advisable to move away from it because the podium serves as the great divide between you and the audience.  

The first time I moved away was on the night I spoke at the Kiwanis Club in Staten Island (south of Manhattan, accessible by ferry).  It was an after-dinner speech that started with me clinging onto the podium (hey, I had to warm up first!).

A few minutes into the speech, I heard a voice in my head telling me, ”Go mingle with the audience, NOW!” 

Hesitantly I squeezed the podium one last time and let go.  The security blanket was no more. 

Soon I found myself mingling with the audience, Oprah-style.  It was so liberating!  I couldn’t believe how much fun I was having.  

Then it happened.

I was more than halfway through the speech, doing rather well when suddenly my mind went blank! 

I froze on the spot, feeling my face turn beet red.  

Everyone knew what had just happened and they just sat there, waiting to see what I would do about it. 

Fortunately, I had the good sense to make light of it and threw out some kind of wisecracking self-depreciating remark, which ended up bringing down the house.  I went on to give one of my best speeches that night, learning a valuable lesson.

The lesson was this:  Most audiences, while they expect the best from you (i.e. confidence, poise, humor, authenticity), they are also quite forgiving, especially when you allow yourself to be transparent and not some high and mighty speaker looking down on them. 

Believe me, most audiences really want you to succeed.  And you will, if you give them the love and respect they deserve.   They’ll give it right back to you.

THE BIGGEST SECRET OF PUBLIC SPEAKING

It is this:  Only you know if you messed up.  Unless you say something about it, the audience has no idea what you meant to include as part of the speech.  I can’t tell you how many times I left something out but I kept right on going.  They can always ask you questions at the end of the speech or approach you afterwards.  So don’t sweat it.  No matter how many times you’ve given a speech, you’ll always leave some things out. 

THE MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT

For this one, I’m going to point you to a story of something that happened when giving a speech to a group of distinguished businessmen in the city of New York.  Long-time subscribers to Adversity University will remember it – the rest of you can see it at How I Survived a Most Embarrassing Experience at a Speaking Engagement Involving a Bottle of Mouthwash.  I hope you have a good chuckle with it!  Do let me know what you thought of it.

In summary, if you want to learn how to give public speeches and boost your self confidence then:

• Join Toastmasters
• Speak for Food
• Utilize Your Own Life’s Experiences for stories
• Take Risks
• Keep Going Even if You Mess Up

a

If you asked for help in school, you were probably called a “brown noser” or maybe a “teacher’s pet.” Perhaps you’ve heard someone say to you, “Quit bothering me and do what you’re told,” “I don’t want to hear about it,” “I don’t have time for this right now,” or “You’re so selfish, all you ever think about is yourself!”

After a lifetime of hearing those comments, we’re programmed to think we can’t ask for help or pose a question without appearing stupid. We become fearful of being met with one of those looks-that-could-kill. We learn very quickly that it’s not okay to ask stupid questions or appearing to ask for a handout.

So what happens later in life? We subconsciously hold ourselves back, afraid to ask, hoping someone will read our minds and reach out to us first.

Well, no one ever said it was easy to ask for what you want but the rewards are immeasurable if you just take that chance. No one has ever succeeded on their own – it’s impossible to. Not if you want to take yourself to the next level.

Several months ago, I hired a designer to completely overhaul my speaking website. When she was done, I realized there was something missing. I needed something that would boost my creditability as a professional speaker. After all, I charge thousands of dollars to give a speech. If you were in a position to hire me to give a motivational talk, wouldn’t you at least want the reassurance that your investment would be well worth spent? I know I would.

What was needed was a couple of video testimonials from those who were considered heavyweights within their fields who were not only well respected and well known but also heard me speak. After all, how could they say I was a good speaker with a good story if they hadn’t been at one of my speeches?

So I got to thinking who I could ask for help in that area. A couple of names immediately came to mind. They were Howard Putnam, former CEO of Southwest Airlines who is in great demand as a business speaker and author of critically acclaimed “Winds of Turbulence” and Mark Sanborn, another popular business speaker, blogger and national best-selling author of “The Fred Factor.”

Now, before I go any further, I want to relate to you some of my earlier experiences with asking for help. Yours truly has been accused numerous times as a youngster of being a “brown noser.” Due to my disability, I often had to ask others to repeat themselves if I didn’t understand what was being said, especially in the classroom or in social situations, only to receive a dramatic rolling of the eyes and a heavy sigh. After years of putting up with reactions like that, I eventually stopped asking because it used to be my perception that people just didn’t want to be bothered.

Boy, did I pay a heavy price for that attitude!

Little did I know that people, by nature, are generous and don’t mind being asked for assistance if given the opportunity. It certainly helps if you believe in yourself and demonstrate that you are someone with potential. People like to be associated with those who they perceive as winners. Even if you have a couple of flaws, they still want to help you because your likeability factor is pretty high on the scale. If you’re an authentic person, others can’t help but wanted to be affiliated with you. Whether or not they get anything in return (other than the satisfaction of helping a “deserving person”), they’re more than likely willing to lend you a hand.

When those two people came to mind, because of years of programming, I almost held back and didn’t ask. Thoughts like “They’re too busy,” “Don’t bother them because this would be too much trouble” immediately bombarded my mind. Fortunately, I had done enough reprogramming of the mind by that point to stop those thoughts from turning into an avalanche.

So I went ahead and boldly asked if they would be willing to do a short video testimony for my website. What helped was that I remained detached from the results. The worst that could happen was a polite, “Perhaps sometime in the future” or an outright “Thanks for thinking of me but my current schedule does not allow me the luxury of doing so, perhaps I could recommend someone else.”

Imagine my pleasant surprise when both of them replied favorably! With today’s technology, they were able to do it by using a simple video camera within the comfort of their homes, download it into a video file and send me an email attachment. That was all there was to it! You can see their video testimonials here.

Until I do a survey of clients who have hired me since those videos were uploaded, I won’t know if I was commissioned to speak solely on the basis of those video testimonials, but I am willing to bet my bottom dollar that if I hadn’t asked for their help, I might not have gotten some of those engagements! So I want to publicly thank Howard and Mark for the time and effort they took to do a video for me.

Is it easy to ask for help? Heck, no! Especially if you are asking someone whose visibility, popularity or earnings power far exceed those of your own but you won’t know until you ask.

What’s more, if there’s anything I’ve learned from asking, it’s that many of these successful people did not get to where they are today if they didn’t receive help somewhere along the line. So they really do want to help you, especially if they see you have potential. Everyone wants to be associated with a winner. Believe in yourself first and then go ask for help. Otherwise why should they believe in your potential if you don’t think you have any yourself?

Henry Ford once said, “If you think you can do it, you can. If you think you can’t do it, then you won’t. Either way, you’re right!” Wow!

Food for thought: There’s nothing wrong with asking for help. If you don’t ask, you won’t get. People can’t read your mind – so why not go ahead and give it a shot? The worst they can say is “No.” How bad can that be?

a

That is, until I am inspired or find myself in that creative zone where the words flow from my mind to the keyboard easily and effortlessly. This causes me not to write for days or sometimes weeks, even months until BOOM, I’m hit with something I feel is worth your time. (Photo:  WakaMoul)

Today I found it. I stumbled onto a YouTube video that blew me away this morning and I think it will do the same for you. It might even cause you to experience goose bumps!

While I cannot hear music or the voices behind them, I could tell how this man caused Simon Cowell, one of the judges, to cock his head curiously and bring another judge to tears (no, it wasn’t Paula from American Idol but someone else from Great Britain in another TV show).

Watch their reactions when the man told them what he was going to sing. You could tell by their icy stares that they were extremely skeptical of his ability to carry it out, probably because of his appearance. Somewhat overweight with a chipped tooth and an unsmiling face, this man did not look like a star – not by a long shot. But to his credit, he did not let their looks of disapproval disintegrate his composure. In fact, he took his time, much to everyone’s chagrin!

After Simon told him to “take it away when you are ready,” there was an uncomfortably long period of silence. It was palpable – you could feel it – absolutely no one knew what to make of this man. During those few precious seconds of silence, you could literally “see” the oppressive sense of pressure building up all around him.

But the moment he opened his mouth, it was all over. The reaction was swift. In a matter of seconds, the energy switched from itchy, uncomfortable silence to incredible excitement. It was like pure magic.

Watching the video gave me chills and reminded me of what I experience from time to time when I am called to give a motivational speech. For those of you who know my background, I experienced an epiphany on the beach in Florida during one of my mini-vacations while working on Wall Street (“The Moment of My Spiritual Revelation on the Beach“). It was at that moment when I realized that my gift to the world was not buying and selling stocks but using my ability to speak clearly and articulately despite being born deaf. When I am on stage, something profound takes place, just like what happened to this man you’re about to watch. Like him, I become “one with the audience” and manage to convert even the harshest of skeptics into new fans, clients or even lifelong friends.

Like what happens in the video, I have seen people in the audience sit there with a smirk on their faces and folded arms. It’s if they are saying, “Hey big shot, just who do you think you are? What do you have to say that would make my life better than it is already?” Despite the hurdle in overcoming these silent challenges, there is nothing more exhilarating than watching the face of these people undergo a gorgeous, divine transformation with a hearty laugh, smile or a tear because of something you just said. It’s not about the standing ovations – it’s about transforming lives. Isn’t that what we’re all here to do in the first place?

Okay, here it is:

Wasn’t that incredible or what? This leads me to ask you: What is Your Gift to the World?

Think about it…… You were created for a divine purpose. You came here to carry out a specific mission. What is it?

You say you don’t know? Don’t despair. You really do know. The answer is inside you. All you have to do is ask your inner spirit.

Here’s how you can coax it out of yourself. Ask yourself what areas you are really good in? Never mind the money-making potential. What have you done in the past that made time fly by so fast that you didn’t realize what time it was when you were finished? Can you remember a time when you were a child when hours and hours went by without you noticing?

You might want to review an article I wrote several months ago: “Trust that Your Passions will be Supported by the Universe.” Here’s another one: “Timing is Everything.”

Imagine…someone like this guy who didn’t fit the Hollywood stereotype of a “star” only to come on stage and blow everyone away. My God, isn’t that the stuff that movies are made out of? Yet it actually happened – you saw it with your own eyes. If this guy can do the impossible, why not you? As you saw, you don’t need to look like a top model, have a Ph.D, be a CEO or a celebrity to make a difference.

Dreams do come true!

Food for thought: What is your God given talent for the rest of the world? Your talents are very much needed!

a

About ten years ago during the late 90′s, I was just getting started as a motivational speaker and author. Ravenous for advice, I went hunting for inspirational articles that were geared towards beginning speakers/writers.

Good ole Google swamped me with a dizzying array of information on that subject, which could have easily overwhelmed me. But somehow I was divinely led to Patrick Combs’ Good Thinking website. From the moment I entered the world of Good Thinking Company, I was hooked. Like a crazed crack addict, I kept going back for more, frequently downloading articles and motivational statements so that I could inject myself with more faith whenever I needed it the most.

A short time after that, I fired off an introductory email to thank Patrick for his wisdom. His humble reply was filled with graditude. Pretty soon we became cyberpals with the intention of meeting in person at the right time.

One day, in the middle of a hot, humid afternoon in New York City, the flashing lamp in my living room alerted me to an incoming telephone call. I walked over to the table where I kept a small TTY device with a screen and keyboard that was plugged into the telephone jack. (For those of you visiting this blog for the first time, I’m deaf and use a special device for telephone communications – Click here for a description if you’re curious).

Switching the device on, I typed “Hello.”

I was met with a blank screen. Thinking it was the wrong number (as was often the case), I shrugged my shoulders and hung up.

Then it rang again. And again. Each time I entered “Hello” on the keyboard, there was no answer.

When it rang the 5th time, I almost ignored it. But something told me this call was not to be missed. So I turned the TTY back on and typed yet another greeting.

Silence.

Frowning at the lack of response, I murmured to no one in particular, “What is going on?”

Then an idea hit me. Pick it up, pick it up and say something!

Wondering who this persistent caller could be, I voiced into the mouthpiece, “Hello, is Stephen Hopson and it looks like someone is trying to call me but I’m deaf. I’m going to give you the number of a relay service so that you can call me the proper way. You’ll need a piece of paper and a pen for instructions.”

Silently counting to ten, hoping that was enough time for the caller to get organized, I proceeded, “Okay, the relay number is 1-800-xxx-xxxx. Dial that first. Wait for a live person and then instruct the operator to call 212-xxx-xxxx. That’s it. If you’ve never done a relay call before, don’t worry, they’ll walk you through it.”

After repeating myself just to make sure, I simply hung up and hoped for the best.

Not more than thirty seconds later, the phone rang. “Hello?” I quickly typed.

A message flashed across the screen: “New York Relay Service, with a call for Stephen Hopson from Patrick Combs.”

I nearly fell off my chair.

“Patrick, what in the world are you doing in New York!?!??” My fingers were flying furiously on the tiny keyboard.

The operator bounced back with: “I’m here for a speaking engagement with some time to kill. Want to meet for dinner tonight?”

“That sounds great!” I typed back.

And that was how our friendship began nearly ten years ago. Since then, our personal and professional lives have taken us in different directions, but our paths have managed to cross once or twice, with the rest of the time communicating online.

Had Patrick given up at the first, second, third or even fourth try, we might have never met that day!

Over the years I’ve had the great pleasure of watching his professional career soar to greater and greater heights. If I were to describe him in one sentence, here’s what I would say:

Patrick Combs is a man of incredible passion, genuine love and integrity who wants nothing more than to lift other people up and does so with tremendous class.

This guy has an unbelievable treasure trove of gut-wrenching stories to share with you. He writes with raw and unparalleled emotion, passion and stunning clarity. His heartfelt words literally pull you in, causing you to root for him, especially when the going gets tough. You actually feel as if you were right there with him.

Every time I read a story of his, it always lifts and inspires me and I think it will do the same for you. Sometimes I go to bed unable to sleep after reading a Patrick Combs story because of the stunning power of his words.

Finally, Patrick is like the actor who doesn’t give a shit about the Oscars. He just wants to hone his craft. And hone it he does!

Are you ready to meet someone who could easily be a professor at Adversity University?

Then like “Larry the Cable Guy” would say, “let’s get er done!” Check out these two stories and tell me if I was right to introduce you to this amazing, resilient guy:

1. Watch how he bravely cornered Jack Canfield at the Maui Writers Conference

2. Watch how he endures the ups and downs of a speaking career on the college lecture circuit

Food for thought: Persistence, faith and lots of courage are key ingredients in unlocking the doors to your dreams. If someone like Patrick Combs and I can do it, so can you!

a

During her reign, she became known as a tireless supporter of the deaf and hard of hearing community. That inspired Merrill Lynch (ML) to honor her at a lavish luncheon where the World Trade Center used to be. You will recall that I was a successful ML stockbroker during the early nineties.

My intention was none other than to enjoy myself for a few hours, stuff myself with free food and perhaps schmooze with Miss America. When I walked in, I was surprised to see that just about every major media organization was on hand, including CNN.

After everyone found their table, they announced that Miss America had “finally arrived.” As if on cue, she waltzed in from the back of the room, wearing a bright red designer dress complete with a white collar and waved like the Queen of England.

Following in her footsteps were two grim-looking “handlers” from the Miss America organization. They appeared uptight, probably worried that if anything went wrong, the entire world would know about it in a split-second. Everything, including how she made her grand entrance, was planned in excruciating detail.

After lunch, the executive vice president of ML introduced Heather and then she got up and spoke for about 30 minutes. She concluded by opening the floor for questions.

Looking around the room, I could see no one wanted to be the first to ask.

Feeling embarrassed for her, I felt an invisible nudge. Similar what happened four years earlier at the Merrill Lynch interview, I received an overwhelming impression to do something.

Like a reluctant schoolboy, I raised my hand, not exactly knowing what the question would be. I felt silly. She quickly picked me, visibly relieved that somebody finally decided to ask her something….ANYTHING!

Not expecting her to call on me so quickly, I stammered, hemmed and hawed and then the most meaningless question came tumbling out.

“How does it feel to be Miss America?” I said, feeling rather ridiculous.

I remember thinking, “Why couldn’t you come up with something better than that?”

Well, apparently God had plans for me, that’s why.

Unbeknownst to me, the simple act of raising my hand set in motion a chain of events I could never have orchestrated entirely on my own.

A week later, my manager called me into his office. He was smiling.

Slapping his hand on the desk, he said excitedly, “Guess what Stephen?”

“What?”

“I just got off the phone with CNN. They want to interview you tomorrow. Congratulations!”

“Whaaaat? How did they know about me?” I said, shocked.

“I think it was from that Miss America luncheon a couple weeks ago. You were there. Someone from CNN heard you speak or something, I’m not sure.”

What happened, I later learned, was that I had attracted the attention of one of the CNN producers at the luncheon. While I was hemming and hawing, he was overheard to say to his assistant, “Who’s that guy? We’ve got to interview him.”

There I was, standing at the door of my manager’s office, with grandiose visions of the phone ringing off the hook and prospects lining up to do business with me.

Vigorously rubbing my two hands together, I thought to myself, “Oh Lordy, this is going to be good – really, really good.”

They came in the following morning with an entourage including the cameraman, lighting assistants and the producer. My office was transformed into a mini-movie set. After applying make-up on my face, setting up equipment and coaching me and a couple of my clients (who were also there for the interview), we were off to the races.

Two hours later, they wrapped up by informing us that it would air on national television later that weekend. I could hardly wait!

Either CNN executives liked the segment so much or there wasn’t anything happening in the news, because they ended up running the interview continuously over four days. I thought for sure the whole nation was going to be banging on my door now.

It never happened.

While a few of my friends did catch me on TV, the phone did not want to give me the satisfaction. In fact, I received only one call from a prospect.

JUST ONE.

It was from a wealthy woman from Seattle. She had just seen me on CNN and wanted to me to be her investment advisor.

After weeks of going back and forth via fax and special telephone calls, she flew to New York to have dinner with me. We met at an exclusive french restaurant where I wined and dined her like there was no tomorrow. No expense was spared – she could have anything she wanted.

“Would you like the best wine?” Oh yes, she sure did.

“Would you like to try the chef’s special dish?” But of course!

It didn’t matter that the bill would come to a staggering $300, I was going to snatch my biggest client ever!

Towards the end of the three hour meal, I made an attempt to close the deal, but was in for another shock.

Much to my disbelief, the lady had me completely snookered. She was in no position to open an investment account because she was not even remotely wealthy! Why she flew across America to meet me, I’ll never know.

Boy, was I crushed!

But once again, God smiled (more like laughed) because He had other plans in store for me.

(No, please God, nooooooooooo more jokes! I’ve had it up to here with your sick humor!)

One day, a package came in the interoffice mail from the PR Department. Inside the box contained the answer to why everything happened the way it did.

I don’t know about you but I love getting packages in the mail. Like a kid on Christmas morning, I ripped it open to find two videotapes with my name on it. One was an unedited version of the luncheon, which was nice, but it was the other one that I clearly prized the most.

It was a copy of the nationally televised interview. Someone from CNN was thoughtful enough to send one to us. What I didn’t know at the time was that snippets of this tape would eventually be used as valuable promotional tools for my new speaking career that wouldn’t happen for another two years.

See how everything is orchestrated so perfectly by the universe? Amazing, wouldn’t you agree?

Food for Thought: God indeed has bigger plans for you even if things do not turn out the way you think they should.

a

Have you ever had an “Ah-ha” moment where the answer you were seeking came to you in the form of a thought that flashed through your mind? You’re almost never prepared for it. You go into a situation thinking you’ll accomplish one thing but end up achieving something else entirely.

One day in 1996, in the middle of a particularly busy trading day at Merrill Lynch, I made arrangements to fly out to Florida for a well-deserved break. Eager to recharge my batteries and get away from the daily hustle and bustle of Wall Street, I couldn’t wait for the cool ocean mist to dampen my hair (I had lots and lots of it back then) and feel the hot sand beneath my feet.

The morning after arriving, I hurriedly ate a low-fat breakfast (i.e. yogurt, banana and coffee) and then headed straight to the beach. I brought with me the usual paraphernalia including a bottle of tanning lotion, an extra large beach towel and a good book. After finding myself a lounge chair, I plopped down for a full day of nothing but relaxation.

The combination of an engrossing book and the tantalizing feel of the hot sun against my pale winter skin made me comfortably drowsy. Everything in my body let go and sort of melted. The stock market slowly faded from memory and I lost all track of time.

Drifting further away from reality, my eyes grew heavier and heavier with each passing moment. No longer did I feel the weight of the book sitting on my chest. It rose up and down with each breath I took. A gentle breeze would pick up now and then to brush against my moist forehead, giving me that cool sensation. As I slid into the abyss of sub consciousness, images began to form and solidify. Characters swam into focus. They were all talking to each other and to me. My mouth opened and closed as if on autopilot, while bits of salvia involuntarily slid down my chin. I hope to God no one captured that on tape – I must have looked awful!

Then it happened.

A thought suddenly thundered its way into my head, shoving aside those dream characters like a tidal wave, stunning me with its forceful impact. Jolted out of my stupor, my eyes flew open. Bolting upright, I unconsciously wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and blinked against the now harsh sun. Then I looked around to see if I was imagining things.

Rubbing my eyes vigorously, it took a moment to realize that I was having one of those divine “AHA” moments. The thought was so clear even though it made no sense at the time. It was an inner knowing that despite my success on Wall Street, buying and selling stocks and bonds was not really my life’s purpose. Instead, it was to become a motivational speaker and writer, touching many people’s lives. (Note: It had not yet occurred to me that flying was part of that package – it would come later).

What was so strange is that although I had not spoken to a live audience since college fifteen years earlier nor had I ever published anything, I just knew that I was supposed to head in that direction. Every single cell in my body was tingling – I was now wide awake. I couldn’t wait to return to New York to begin laying the groundwork for the future.

Despite the rousing excitement, I had some doubts, voices in my head telling me that I was crazy for doing this. It meant peanut and jelly sandwiches would be replacing expensive dinners for a very long time.

Eight months later, with only two weeks to go before Christmas, I cleaned out my office and said my goodbyes. Walking across the marble lobby of the Merrill Lynch building for the last time, I remember thinking I had no idea what would become of my future. Little did I know that I would eventually go on to become the world’s first deaf instrument pilot, publish stories in 3 best-selling books and become an in-demand speaker and writer, sharing my life’s experiences.

Food for thought: Trust that bigger things are in store for you if you listen to your intuition, take action and believe that things will work out despite lack of clear supporting evidence.

a

A great way to exercise your faith muscles is by doing things slightly different every day like taking an unfamiliar route home after work, asking your boss for a raise or if you’re self employed, raising your fees. If you tend to be quiet in group meetings, gather the courage and speak up. Say something even if it’s just a follow up question.

When I’m with a group of people, I tend to get lost easily because the dynamics of a group conversation tend to be different than one-on-one talks. In a group situation, everyone is usually talking at once – it becomes impossible for me to keep up with them. There was a time in my life when I would tune them out whenever the conversation became impossible to follow. My line of thinking was something like, “Oh well, they aren’t saying anything important anyway.” I would just laugh and smile, pretending I knew what was happening.

Nowadays I’m a lot more proactive and I’ll either turn to the person next to me and strike up a conversation or I’ll pipe up and address the group as a whole with follow up question. For example, if everyone was laughing at a joke, I’ll risk my neck by saying, “What was that joke again?” By doing that, I don’t feel so left out. It also serves to get me back in sync with everyone else.

If on the other hand, if you are by nature an outspoken person with strong opinions, why not try listening more? Be still. Resist the temptation to make yourself sound important. Watch what other people have to say. You might be surprised to learn something new.

What about asking the waitress to take back your lukewarm coffee and replacing it? Some people would rather not rock the boat and risk other people’s criticism by appearing to be a “pain.” You want a hot cup of coffee? It’s certainly within your rights!

Just the other day, I was out having lunch with some friends from church and I was served a dish with stale bread. I don’t know about you but I like my bread nice and soft so I asked the waitress to replace it. In the past, I might not have bothered because I didn’t want everyone at the table to disapprove of me. Crazy, huh? Indeed! Who cares what they think?!?

As I mentioned before, I miss out a lot on what’s being said in group conversations (in case you forgot, I’m deaf). I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to force myself to ask people to repeat themselves, putting myself at the risk of having others smirk, roll up their eyes or even sigh heavily (you can always tell when they do that because they heave their shoulders rather dramatically and appear to be taking incredibly deep breaths and blowing it all out). If they react that way, you don’t want them around anyway.

All of these things are ways of building risk-taking muscles. No one wants to be rejected but so what if the other person gave you a dirty look or roll up their eyes? What’s the worst thing that can happen to you? Okay, your ego might get bruised or you might feel embarrassed but you’ll get over that, won’t you?

There’s a book whose title I think is very appropriate here: “What Other People Think of You is None of Your Business.” Pretty cool huh?

Consider the payoff that comes in the form of excitement and confidence because you risked your neck to do something you were afraid to do in the first place. People are more afraid to live their lives to the fullest than they are of dying!

Shaving my head in high school (for the swimning championships) meant I would be bald the rest of the year and possibly ridiculed (I wasn’t – in fact, I gained more respect even though I didn’t make the finals!). Going off to college meant I would live on my own for the first time (loved my newfound independence). Moving to New York City to work on Wall Street meant I had to change my living situation from suburban to city life (got used to it). Telling the VP at Merrill Lynch during an interview, “if you don’t hire me, you will never know what I can do for this firm” opened the doors to incredible abundance. Quitting Wall Street to become a motivational speaker, author and pilot has led me to my wildest dreams. The list goes on.

Because I took risks little at a time and built them over a period of years, I’ve discovered that I was more than capable of surviving when I stepped out of my comfort zone. I’ve never had to worry about a roof over my head or putting food on the table.

If you decide to honor your life’s purpose or at least engage in a meaningful search for it, you will have to step outside your comfort zone.

Food for thought: Regardless of the decisions you’re facing, remember risk- taking, unlike hope, is an action word. To develop it, you must exercise it regularly.

a

The decision to switch gears led me to one of the most challenging times of my life. Because of this life altering change, there was a heavy price to pay. While making the transition, I was struggling to pay the rent. But one has to eat, right?

One morning, the refrigerator and cupboards told me it was time to restock them. Making an ATM withdrawal of $40, the amount I had budgeted for groceries, I headed for the nearest supermarket, eight city blocks away.

Arriving at the store twenty minutes later, I grabbed a cart and went shopping. After an hour of walking up and down the aisles, I had everything I needed and went to the checkout lane.

The overweight, gum-popping cash register girl said in a monotone voice, “How ya doing?” She was totally oblivious to me. Ringing up item after item was just a clock-punching job to her. She was looking totally bored. My eyes, on the other hand, were riveted to the cash register; desperately hoping $40 would be enough.

I may be deaf but I swear I heard the chime of the cash register that day when she pressed the total button. It came to $39.99. Never in my life was I so glad to open the palm of my hand for one penny in change!

Deliriously happy that I had enough food for the week, I had totally forgotten that I would not be hauling groceries back to the apartment via taxicab. As soon as I stepped outside, I smacked into a wall of sweltering heat. In a hurry to escape such oppressive conditions, I absentmindedly went to flag down a cab but then I remembered.

I didn’t have enough money.

Eight long blocks.

Gritting my teeth and taking a deep breath, I grabbed 5 heavy bags in each hand and started the trek home. Before I knew it, I was muttering a litany of expletives, defiantly annoyed at the prospect of having to carry a truckload of groceries. By the time I arrived at the curb to begin the trek uptown, sweat was pouring down my face. I was very hot and bothered. Pity anyone who was near me.

Because my hands and shoulders were aching, I decided to take a quick break. Setting the bags down, I rubbed my reddened hands and took a swig of bottled water. As I was drinking, images of starving children in Africa flashed through my mind followed by a simple yet profound reminder: “Be thankful you have food to eat this week. Have faith, things will work out.”

I immediately knew where that came from. Instantly awashed with renewed gratitude, I looked up a the blue sky and said a silent prayer of thanks. Then I made the rest of the way home without further incident.

Food for thought: If you have just enough faith to pursue your dreams, you will always be provided for as long as you take responsibility for the consequences of your choices.

a