Meanwhile, I’ve noticed that on the way to wherever God has planned for me, I’ve had to go through at least 3 different stages to arrive at a point where I realize I am NOT really in CONTROL.

And neither are you.

Were you taken aback for a moment?  That’s good!  Continue on and see for yourself how I’ve arrived at that conclusion.  The following are three phases I’ve personally experienced in my life.  Perhaps you’ll recognize yourself in one of them or somewhere in between.

Phase One – “I’m a victim”

I know this might be hard to believe but there was a time when I cried out to God, “Why me?”

I felt that he was punishing me by bringing me into this world as a deaf boy.  Even though on the outside I appeared happy- lucky-go (is that how you say it?), inside I was really angry with God, my parents and the world.  I actually hated myself because who in their right mind would want to be deaf?  Would you?

I went through periods when I hated the hearing aids and how they looked on me.  Kids teased me mercilessly.   Back in the day when I was in elementary school, I wore a monstrous hearing aid with two cords that ran up to both ears, not to mention I had yellow buck teeth!  Not exactly American Idol material.

There are a lot of people who stay in this victim mentality.  They think the world is out to get them whether it be the government, God, their parents, society, their boss, co-workers, you name it.  This is the stage where we don’t feel we’re making a difference so we find it easier to complain, gripe, protest, judge others and much more.  In other words,  we abdicate responsibility and sit on the sidelines while life passes us by.

Phase Two – “Hey, I’m in control of everything!”

The Day I Became an Instrument Rated Pilot

Somewhere along the line I had a life-changing epiphany (had a few of them actually).  Among the first is when my fifth grade teacher uttered three words that forever changed my life.  I wrote a story about that in my first book “Obstacle Illusions.”

Along the way I picked up “The Power of Positive Thinking” by Norman Vincent Peale and not long after that Tony Robbin’s book, “Awaken the Giant Within.”   These and many other motivational books plus the fifth grade teacher incident helped me wake up to my own power.  I took to heart what countless self-help authors were advocating and earnestly put them into practice like affirmations, visualizations, writing goals and creating vision boards, to name a few.

This gave me the idea that I had the power to visualize what I wanted, take action and actually achieve them.  Pretty soon I started to experience miracles.  Things were happening and I was really pumped!

As a teen, I used to visualize myself as a pilot in my mother’s car, driving down the middle of the highway, pretending to take off and land.  When I turned 40, I accidentally stumbled upon a website by deaf pilots and immediately began to learn how to fly.  Right around that time, I set a goal to become the world’s first deaf instrument pilot and then 6 years later defied naysayers by doing exactly that in  2006.  While on Wall Street, I won three major sales trips because I wrote down my goals and visualized myself having fun at the beach in Bermuda (one of three destinations I had won trips to).

Finally, I thought, I’m in control!  YES!  All I have to do is have a desire, write it down and visualize it!

Based on the things I’ve done with my life, you’d think I have found the secret to success, right?

NOT!

Phase Three – “I’m Waking Up!”

My spiritual journey began in 2005 when I hit rock bottom from partying too much while living in New York City.  I was still a stockbroker at the time.  That’s when I began to devour anything relating to spirituality and began the journey to re-discover the divinity within me.

After over ten years of professional speaking, I decided to go back to school in 2009 and get a Masters degree in Vedic Science at Maharishi University of Management.    I studied consciousness, learned how to meditate (Transcendential Mediation) and went deeper within myself.

The deeper I go, the more I understand that setting intentions, putting up a vision board and writing down goals, while not a harmful thing, is actually limiting because God’s plans for me is so much better what I’ve envisioned for myself.   God knows what I’m here to do.  And He knows how I can get there!

Despite all my “newfound power” from the second phase, I’ve discovered I still don’t have control over everything.  It’s an ego trip to think that my ego knows what I’m here to do or even what’s best for me.  It wants to try to figure things out but how can it when it can’t see much of what’s going on beyond the normal senses?

Not only does the ego not know what’s best for me but it also tries to control other people’s behaviors.  Have you ever wished you could change people so that you could be happier around them?  Did it work?  Did you do it through a show of force like manipulating the situation or plying them with threats (“If you don’t stop snoring, I’ll leave you!”).   I’ve done that.

Did you know anyone who appeared to be healthy but suddenly died of a heart attack or got hit by a truck?  I did.  What a shock it was.  I knew a healthy, well built man from France who looked like he was on top of the world only to die of a heart attack at the young age of 23.  I was like, “What just happened?”

You were at the airport and they suddenly announced your flight was delayed due to severe thunderstorms.  How did you respond to that?  I’ve seen people scream at the poor airline representative probably thinking that they had control over the flights or even the weather.

Can you think of a time when you received a feeling in your gut about a situation that turned out to be correct?   When asked about how you knew, you probably responded with “I don’t know, I just knew.”  Where did that come from?  Did you dismiss it as a fluke or did you know that a higher power was at work here?

One time I was in a bookstore not looking for anything in particular but a flaming red book somehow fell off the shelf and landed on my feet.  It was called “The Purpose of Your Life” by Carol Adrienne which was exactly what I needed at the time.  Coincidence?  Or did my guardian angel do that?

Another time I was speeding down 8th Avenue on my bike (NYC) and suddenly pulled on the brakes even though the light ahead of me was clearly green.  Seconds later, a car pulled out from the intersection and ran a red light.  I shudder to think what would have happened had I ignored that urge.

On the upper East side (again in NYC) I was about to step off the curb to cross the street when suddenly I felt something pull me back.  A moment later, a speeding cab whisked by within a hair’s length.  I remember thinking, “OMG!”

One day a cab actually hit me and the force of the impact sent me tumbling over the hood and onto the windshield.   I slid back down and hit the pavement with a heavy thunk.  I was more embarrassed than hurt and reassured the cab driver I was okay.  I suffered no bruises, cuts or anything and hurried away to wherever I was going.  Was that divine intervention?  Or sheer luck?

I could regale you with many more “near misses” but you get the picture.  Makes you kind of wonder who’s in control, right?

Are you one of those people who has had an opportunity of a lifetime (that was just perfect for you) fall into your lap when you thought you were heading on a different path?   I’ve heard countless stories of executives who had their eyes on climbing the corporate ladder only to be mysteriously pulled elsewhere.  How in the world does that happen?   Who did that?

Hard Cover

Since 1995, I’ve been practicing the art of surrendering to a higher power (be it the universe, God, nature, etc).  When I let go and trust, I receive divine inspiration that leads me to the right people, places or circumstances.  When I am that mode of operation,  everything falls into place easily and effortlessly – every single time.

For example, at the end of the school year in 2010, I had a strong urge from within to finally give birth to “Obstacle Illusions.”   For over 10 years I had worked on the manuscript and despite attempts to get the book published, it never happened.   The powerful urge from within grew so strong that it reached a crescendo.  It became impossible to ignore it.  When I made the firm decision to follow through, all of a sudden I was led to the right people to design the book cover and give the manuscript a final polish.  Not only that, but the money was right there to pay for their top-notch services!

Here’s the funny thing – why didn’t this happen sooner?   No matter how hard I tried, nothing worked.   I even had an agent in 2000 who once represented Mother Teresa.  He had helped me with my book proposal and then went shopping among the nation’s top publishers but every single one of them turned us down.  Why?

Because apparently the forces of nature had other plans.  Whatever your destiny is, it will unfold at exactly the right time according to the Divine.

None of us know what is going to happen so why try and control it?  The best I can tell you is to rediscover who you are by going within and communicate with your inner Self, which is where God is.  You do that by listening to your feelings, intuition.  Take up meditation.  Spend more time in nature.  Learn to listen with your heart.  The more you go within and take your attention away from the noisy world, stop worrying and really listen, the more you’ll hear God speaking to you.

Even while in Phase Two, I can remember pockets of times when I somehow knew enough to take inspired action to that voice inside me.  It happened during the interview I had with Merrill Lynch when I felt God prompting me to forever change the course of my destiny when I bravely said during a very pregnant moment and said, “Sir, if you never hire me, you’ll never know what I can do for this company.”   As soon as I uttered those words, it was as if something clicked into place and my entire future magically shifted in the right direction.

A few years after that interview, all of a sudden the clouds finally parted ways and all this money rained down on me.  For years I struggled financially, never making more than $35,000 a year in a city where closet-sized apartments were renting for more than half my income!  Looking back, I can honestly tell you I have absolutely NO IDEA how that happened!   After all, I wasn’t taking any special abundance courses nor did I push very hard.  Yes, I did have excellent work ethic and was also very focused.  But I didn’t try to force anything.   Thus the mystery.

What about the time when the bully in elementary school approached me in the playground?  After the fifth grade teacher uttered those famous three words the week before, I somehow had the courage to stop the bully in his tracks because I was unknowingly in the moment and took inspired action.  It was a moment that helped strengthen my inner resolve and stand up on my own two feet.   If my ego had its way, do you think I would have chosen to confront the school bully that day?

As I continue with my spiritual evolution, I’m recognizing divine inspiration when it comes and then taking “inspired action.”  What that means is I don’t really need to figure anything out because the right ideas will come naturally.  The best thing I can do is live in the present moment, become totally aware of my intuition and continue to raise my consciousness.   From there I trust and go with the flow like the river.

If an opportunity comes my way and it genuinely feels “right,” then I know I need to take action on it.  On the other hand, if I feel a clutching in my stomach, it’s usually a sign that whatever it is, it isn’t the right thing and I pass on it.  I haven’t yet perfected this technique but I’m getting better at it.

The third phase is where you learn to to release negative emotions, attachments and the tendency to control what happens outside you.  The heart begins to take on a larger role while the ego becomes less important.  In the process of becoming more centered, you become less judgmental and accept things as they are without the need to attach a meaning to them.  And connecting nature becomes…..well, second nature!  I often go for nature walks – barefooted and always come away refreshed.

There’s nothing like remembering who you are as a spiritual being living the life of a human being!

So there you have it.  What do you think?

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This morning I was composing an email back to a subscriber named Barbara Ann Hartman who wrote, “……That will be an adventure for you, I know.  Are you thinking of moving elsewhere???”  She was referring to a string of latest updates here at Adversity University, some of which might lead me to an opportunity in another part of the country.

What was interesting about her question was that she wasn’t the first to ask me about this.   I don’t know about you, but I’ve lived in five different places in three states and one major metropolitan city since moving out of my boyhood home almost 30 years ago (Latham, New York).   As you might imagine, that calls for newly acquired skills every single time.

Thanks to the sense of independence my mother instilled in me, I am as independent as you can imagine.  While I don’t feel any pull to move anywhere at the moment, I do know that if I saw an exit for an opportunity and it felt right, I’m more than likely pulling myself up by the bootstraps and once again entering the highway of destiny and getting off at the opportunity exit.

Almost as soon as I graduated from high school in the late 70′s,  I moved to Poughkeepsie, NY for 4 years at Marist College (midway between Albany, NY and New York City).  I experienced what it was like to be homesick my first year but after that, I relished every moment away from home.  It was there I learned how to make my own decisions, structured my day the way I saw fit, became a student leader on campus (“Hopson Elected Lieutenant Governor“) and either succeeded or failed on my own dime.  It was a very interesting time of growth and learning. (Photo by Desolate Places)

The work ethic my father taught me as a youngster took root during those college years.  I rarely partied during the week, leaving that instead for the weekends.  Every time my roommate asked if I wanted to join a bunch of people for a joint or visit the Rathskeller, a bar in the basement of my dorm building, I’d invariably turn him down saying along the lines of, “I’ve got to do this term paper, maybe this weekend.”  That sense of commitment to my work would later prove invaluable during my future years on Wall Street.

Then I did something I never thought I’d do – moved to New York City where I lived and worked for 16 years (which was like the blink of an eye – VERY FAST).  (Photo:  gailatlarge.com)

After my spiritual revelation and quitting Wall Street in the late 1990′s, an opportunity came from Michigan to work on a book project that I thought would significantly enhance my newly chosen inspirational speaking career.   I packed all my belongings in a 10-foot Penske truck and drove a thousand miles to begin a new life.

A year later, the entire book project fell apart with stunning speed and I was faced with a new choice – to stay or to return to New York City?

I decided God wouldn’t bring me all the way to Michigan for nothing so I stayed put, taking on odd jobs and occasional speaking gigs, trusting I’d be led somewhere magnificent.   It happened on one morning when I made a HUGE discovery on the Internet that deaf pilots had been flying since the 40′s!

This momentous discovery brought my boyhood dream roaring back to life.  I knew immediately that was why I came to Michigan.  Not to work on a book project, but to learn how to fly. (Photo to the left was taken after my very first flight lesson in a Cessna 150).

I stayed there for 7 years until an opportunity materialized that required moving to OH to undergo specialized flight training.  After it was over, many of my critics were stunned to silence because they never believed in their wildest imagination that I would pull off something they considered to be impossible (Photo of me in the cockpit from this article:   Akron Man is First Deaf Pilot to Earn Instrument Rating).

That was February 2006 but I’m still here, in Akron, OH.

And now I’m growing somewhat restless again.  I sense the winds of change and opportunity coming soon.

God will take us on a journey beyond our wildest imagination if we choose to stay open and follow His will.

Food for thought:  What about you? What do you think are the necessary ingredients to respond to the winds of change and opportunity?  Risk?  Faith?  You tell me.

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Finally at 2 a.m. we pinpointed the source of the problem and fixed it.  But that led to the creation of another problem that will have to be dealt with at a later time (i.e. my videophone no longer works – ACK!).

Putting things in perspective though, at least I’m back online!  (Image credit: Drama Mafia )

But that’s not the subject of today’s gratitude post.

You will notice the format to be a little different today.  That’s because I have one story surrounding the power of “what goes around comes around.”  I experienced an amazing situation of that theme this week.  The other stuff I want to share with you will be outlined in another posting – perhaps over the weekend.

But before I go into that, I wish to ask everyone for a moment of silence.  Randy Pausch, famous for “The Last Lecture” died of pancreatic cancer yesterday.  I was so incredibly inspired by this man who lived life right to the very end.  After the “last lecture” video went viral, he appeared on Oprah and inspired many millions of more people around the world.  Not long after that, Harper Collins published “The Last Lecture” that went on to be an instant best-seller.   While this is a sad moment in passing, I somehow know this man would not have wanted the world to mourn for his death.  He would have wanted us to celebrate the beauty of his and our own lives.  Thank you Randy for giving us what we so desperately needed – a reminder of the simple truths of life.  Thank you.  We will see you when we come home later.

Now turning to this week’s gratitude story.   Oh Good Lord, do I have something to share with you!

The incident happened yesterday.  After a good workout at the gym, I hopped into my car, started it, and scanned through emails on my “Crackberry.”  Once I finished responding to various emails, I set the BB down, put the car in reverse and began to back out.

CRUNCH!

OMG.

Yep – you guessed it.

Another fender bender on a parking lot!

But this time it was MY FAULT.

He had the right of way.

As soon as I felt the impact, I was like, “OH SH****T.”

I couldn’t believe it because you’ll recall about a month ago, almost the exact same thing happened to my car in another parking lot.  The only difference between the two incidents was that I was not in my car when it happened before.  If you’re new here and have no idea what I’m talking about, see A Fender Bender That Could Have Gone Wrong.

You all remember from that story how I found a yellow piece of paper that was taped to the driver’s side window, flapping in the wind.  It had on it the responsible driver’s name and her contact information.  You can imagine how grateful I felt upon seeing that note!  (Image credit:  lilly1975)

Someone led me to her inside the building, next to the parking lot.  This woman was clearly distraught, way more upset than I was.  Throughout the entire exchange, I kept a very calm, serene demeanor.  I kept telling her things like, It’ll all work out, thank you for taking responsibility and for being so honest about it.  I am very grateful to you.

Well, God bless her and her insurance company because within a week, my car was like new again.  You can’t even tell that someone hit me less than a month ago.  (BEFORE and AFTER photos can be seen at the above fender bender link).

Well, let’s fast forward to yesterday.  After I realized I hit someone, I got out of the car, half expecting the driver to scream a litany of profane words; but like how I behaved with that woman, he was remarkably calm and peaceful.   It was stunning display of the boomerang effect from the universe.  It was as if I was watching myself in a movie being replayed. 

Utterly incredulous.

Together, the man and I decided not to call the police and simply exchanged insurance information.   Like the above mentioned woman, I got right on the phone and called my insurance company to get the claim processed as quickly as possible.  I so very much wanted to continue to pay it forward.  How could I not, after what she did for me?

And get this………

Are you sitting down?

The location of the damage to his car was EXACTLY the same as mine a month ago!

Wait, there’s more!

The amount of damage to both of our cars were identical.

Food for thought:  Have you ever experienced the truth of “What Goes Around Comes Around” in your life?

Side notes:

1.  Be on the lookout for some more gratitude items in a future post; including a new corporate speaking engagement, a couple of new scripts recently installed for this blog (that you should most definitely be aware of), a newly upgraded version of the blog theme, a new Tweet-up event that I am coordinating with another Twitterer from the local area and more.   So much to be grateful for!

2.  You will note that the CommentLuv plugin no longer exists.  It had to be pulled for two reasons.  One is that it was parsing only some of your last blog posts but not others, giving the impression that I was being selective about it.   Thanks to Corrine Edwards for alerting me to this malfunction.

The second is because it was causing my WP database to become enormously bloated with worthless junk, which would have slowed everything down if I had continued to let it accumulate. (See Comment #28 at Upgraded: xMark 2.5 Released).

But all is not lost!  Commentators are still being “recognized” for their input because their names are still being linked back to their blogs (assuming they have one and filled in the URL box).   We also have the “Monthly Comment Champs” and “Most Recent Comments” sidebars, further giving you link love in exchange for taking the time to share with us your thoughts.  So the love is still there – okay?

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But that’s another post for later this week.

After the service was over, we went out for a bite to eat and had a rather interesting discussion about his spiritual/religious beliefs, some of which I agreed with while I had difficulty wrapping my head around others (i.e. a wrathful God who doles out punishment).

At one point we were philosophizing (I love to philosophize!) about how God uses everyone as a messenger of sorts to reach out to others.  As I was talking about a specific instance of how I was used, I realized it had the making of a useful post here at Adversity University.

In September of 2000, I was looking for a part-time job to supplement my income while building a professional speaking career.  I had just left the world of Wall Street only a few years prior to pursue my newly established dreams of becoming a speaker, writer and eventually pilot.  Because I was still in the process of developing speech materials and getting myself out there, I needed to find a way to pay the bills.

It was right around that time I had a few months of flight training under my belt after having made the stupendous discovery on the Internet that deaf pilots had been flying since 1948.

By that point, I was taking flight instruction at a small one-man flight school.  But after several lessons, I was informed that Jason Barton (the flight instructor) had been offered a flying job in Colorado.  That meant he was shutting down and moving out West.  (The photo you see is a much thinner me standing next to a small Cessna 150 after my very first flight lesson on March 23, 2000).

An idea occurred to me that I should not only find another flight school, preferably a bigger one, but also find one where I could work part-time in exchange for steep airplane rental discounts.  I had gotten this idea from reading stories of pilots who had financed their flight training that way.

One thing led to another and I found myself at Troy-Oakland airport where I previously shared the story of a flight instructor who gave selflessly.  It was he who told me of an opening at that airport and introduced me to Susan, the personnel director.

An interview was set for me to meet two young men who were running the operations department.  For purposes of this story, I will call them Chris and Joe.

I distinctly remember the interview well.  Chris seemed pleasant but Joe was a bit guarded.  I could tell that Joe wasn’t all that enamored about hiring a deaf guy.   He didn’t seem to think I had what it took to be a line service specialist (i.e. fuel customer planes, tow them around and assist the mechanics with light maintenance work).  Carl, on the other hand, was enthusiastically full of ideas on how they could provide me with a text-based pager that vibrated every time a fuel order came through.

Despite Joe’s stiff resistance, I was hired.

As you can imagine, there was a lot to absorb, one of which was learning how to transfer thousands of gallons of fuel from the fuel farm into the trucks.  The learning curve, while not excessively steep, was a challenge for any newbie. (Photo credit:  Charly Mann)

One evening, I was out behind the fuel farm and Joe was there, watching me hook up the hoses and pull a few switches.  Of course, I was very nervous because I had all sorts of fears about what would happen if I made a mistake like spilling fuel or pulling the wrong switches.

As darkness fell, I had to use a flashlight throughout the task.  Joe was standing there with a smirk on his face.  It was almost as if he was willing me to make a mistake so that he could prove that I wasn’t up for it.

At one point, I asked him for some assistance and show me the ropes.  In an arrogant sort of way, he impatiently huffed and puffed his way through the procedures and literally dared me to follow suit.  That only made me even more nervous.

Needless to say, it was not a pleasant evening.  I had to shine the flashlight at his lips so that I could read them, which caused his ire to rise even further.  Thick tension hung in the air – you could have literally sliced through it, leaving a trail in its wake.

Eventually I eased into the routine and fell into the groove, no longer needing his unwanted attention.  Meanwhile, I was taking flight lessons from that flight instructor I told you about earlier (see the link above).  Apparently this earned me a bit of begrudging respect from Joe, especially after I finally became a pilot.  It didn’t take long after that before we became good friends, often flying together to a lot of different places.

One night we were flying back to the airport from a trip to Ohio (where I would eventually relocate to) when we experienced an electrical failure in the cockpit.

Unlike the photo you see at the left, instrument panel was pitch black.  All we could see was what was outside, the sprawling city lights, to guide us.

Now, this was not in of itself a catastrophic event because we were flying on a clear night but it required nerves of steel.  (Photo credit:  Dr. Engineer-001)

Since I had flown the first leg (from Michigan to Ohio) it was his turn to fly.  The emergency put him on the hot seat and I could see that his face was twitching, the likes of which I had never seen him do before.  The cockiness was no longer there.  This was for real.

I was instantly transformed from a lazy passenger in the right seat to a navigator, pointing out various cities on the way back.  A special flashlight was used to monitor critical instruments like the airspeed and altitude indicators, among others.

All of a sudden, we were a team.  Unlike the day I was learning how to fill up the fuel trucks, we really needed each other.  What a reversal of roles!  Obviously, we made it back safely but neither of us ever forgot the incident.  I would say this flight cemented our friendship even tighter for he realized I was one sharp fella in the cockpit after all.

A few years later, the airport management disbanded and sold the company to someone else who laid off virtually everyone including Joe and I.  Joe found another airport job and got married while I moved down to Ohio to begin my quest for the historic instrument rating.

We kept in touch mainly by email.  One day I received message that he and his wife wanted to fly themselves down to Ohio to meet with me on an urgent matter.

“We want to get some advice from you…it has to do with our baby boy.”

I quickly replied, “Sure, I’d be happy to see you two, come on down anytime!”

Arrangements were made to meet at Wadsworth Airport, a small field without an air traffic control tower where I had been renting planes for some time.  A date and estimated time of arrival was set.

On the day of their arrival, I excitedly drove myself to the airport and waited with anticipation.  Swirling in my mind were thoughts of what on earth they wanted to talk to me about.

Pretty soon a twin engine Diamond aircraft appeared in the sky, very close to the time Joe said they’d arrive.

It was them.

After Joe parked and shut down the aircraft, the three of us piled in my car and headed to Bob Evans for a bite to eat.  We ordered our meals and made idle chit-chat for several minutes.

My heart kept pounding.  I was impatient for them to get to the crust of the real reason for flying down to see me.  They weren’t just coming out to say, “Hello.”

And by the way, while we were catching up on things, I kept marveling at the fact that this guy, who once didn’t like me, was now here with his wife……to get my advice on something!

I kept watching for signs leading to an opening when it finally came.

From his wife.

“About our son……”

Here it comes. Setting down the fork, I leaned across the table.  “Yes?”

Taking a gulp of air she said, “Shortly after birth, the doctors performed routine tests on the baby and…….”

My eyes flitted back and forth between the wife and Joe.   I was stunned to see his eyes welling up.  He was definitely struggling to maintain his manly composure.  This was a guy who was not used to putting his emotions on display.

Suddenly, I knew what was coming.  I held my breath.

She continued, “Our son was born with a severe loss of hearing and we aren’t sure what to do about it.  We were hoping you’d give us some tips.”

There was a long, pregnant pause.  The air seem to crackle.

At that moment, my shoulders eased back and slumped.  It was similar to what people feel when they are finally told the truth after an extended build up of anticipation.

I spent the next several minutes sharing my own experiences of growing up deaf.  I talked about the possibility of getting hearing aids for him or opting for the cochlear implant surgery.  I described how I was taught to speak and how I learned sign language much later in life.

They were cautioned that what my parents chose for me might not necessarily work for them but that the options were there.  Parents of hearing impaired children have much more available to them today then when I was first diagnosed with deafness.   More ideas and tips were given to the very grateful parents.

Before long it was time to take them back to the airport.  I could tell the trip did them much good for they appeared much less burdened than when they first arrived – there was hope for their son.

The moral of the story?  It was no accident Joe was put on my path the way he was.  Without him realizing it, I ended up becoming his teacher.  Even I didn’t know why this guy was put into my life until that very moment.  It was so abundantly clear.  But it took years for the real reason we met to surface.

The universe is like that.  Mysterious, yet exacting.

Food for thought:  Have you ever had someone put on your path to teach you a lesson?  Looking back, can you think of someone who was put on your path so that you could teach them something of value?  I’d love to hear your stories of connection and how they panned out for you (or them).

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I had a shopping errand to run but I do not remember what it was for.  A friend told me to check out a small store, perhaps a Radio Shack, that was sandwiched in the middle of a non-descript strip mall, just outside Detroit.

I went in and out quickly, not finding whatever I was looking for.  The small black umbrella in my hand was no match for the torrential downpour.  I quickly scurried back to the car, sidestepping huge puddles that threatened to turn into a raging river in a New York minute.

Feeling somewhat chagrined because I went all the way out there only to come out empty handed, I was anxious to get back home.  It didn’t help that my umbrella was of the cheap variety either.  

Focused on getting out of there as fast as possible, I wasn’t paying attention to anything but the task of starting the car.  Just as I turned the key, a young woman materialized out of thin air, furiously pounding on the window of the passenger door, startling the crap out of me.   

The lady’s face was a mask of pure anguish.  She was crying and yelling incoherently.  Her wet summer clothes clung tenaciously to her petite frame.  She appeared borderline homeless but I couldn’t tell. (Photo:  Polish Sausage Queen)

Feeling as if I was shoved  into a corner with no way out, I suspiciously rolled down the window a crack, wondering what the commotion was all about.

All I could make out in the dizzying blur of words was that she needed money to get home.  Her screams were punctured by dry heaves.  The young lady was scaring me.

I slowly reached into the back pocket for my wallet and peered inside the dark abyss.  I remember thinking perhaps I had a few dollars in there, maybe some ones or fives.

Instead, an involuntary shudder passed through me when I found a crisp $20 bill staring back up at me!      

My head swung in her direction and then back to the wallet.      

A million thoughts hurtled through my mind but all I could think of was ”DON’T!  SHE WANTS TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU!!”

Against my better judgement, I lied and sheepishly said, ”Sorry, I don’t have any money.” 

Crestfallen, she backed away a step.  I rolled up the window and sped away.

As I was leaving, I watched her petite frame shrink to the size of an ant in the rearview mirror.  Her shoulders seemed to sag all the way down to the asphalt.  It was not a pretty sight.

I tried to take my mind off her by focusing on the rapid-fire wipers but everytime I came to a stoplight, the noose of guilt grew progressively tighter.       

The longer I waited for the light to turn green, the more I thought about making a U-turn and dashing back but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.  (Photo:  Barb Henry)

At the fifth stoplight, I finally broke through the veil of heavy resistance and swung around my car like a cop giving a suspect the chase of his life and went looking for her.

When I arrived, I climbed out of the car and peered through the downpour, hoping to catch a glimpse of her somewhere … anywhere.  

She was gone.

Wracked with guilt, I immediately chastised myself for not rising to the occasion when I knew I should have.  There were numerous times when I cried out for help in the past and I was always given a hand in some way, form or shape.

A sense of heaviness permeated my soul the rest of the day.  For weeks afterwards, I wondered if she ever made it home.   Or if she really was trying to take advantage of me.  I’ll never know.

That was six or seven years ago. 

Despite the dismal outcome, one good thing did come from this.  When an opportunity came to get involved with my church’s community meal program (homeless people are fed a hot meal twice a month), I jumped at the chance.  It was an act of self repentence — not in the religious sense – but a second chance to make up for it — to wipe the slate clean.

Sometimes we are called upon to serve as someone else’s angel.  The next time I hear His whisper to help someone in dire need, I’ll understand that it’s an opportunity to rise to the occasion and reach out.  

Food for thought:  Have you ever been called to act as an angel and help someone in need but stopped yourself for fear of “being taken advantage of”?

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With the end of the year only 2 days away, I thought it would be appropriate to include in this week’s gratitude post a couple of highlights in 2007 for which I am very grateful. 

• Called Stephen Hopson Interviews, I’ve created a new program at Adversity University, the purpose of which is to not only to continue expanding my brand name but also attract a potpourri of people of different economic, political, social, professional and personal backgrounds.  It is part of my overall plan to make this blog the premier place where you can be inspired to overcome adversity and achieve virtually impossible dreams by learning from others from around the blogosphere. 
• I’m grateful that the move from the old blogging platform to this location (WordPress) went smoothly in October 2007.    Despite my initial fears of losing subscribers and traffic, the move somehow tripled the number of subscribers and more than doubled daily traffic.  Not only that, but it also managed to attract a community of people who are fully engaged in the conversations now taking place via comments.  I’ve made many new friends as a result of this risky move and am very grateful for it.
• Thanks to the world of instant publishing via blogging, I’ve been able to create a brand name, establish myself as an expert in overcoming adversity and claim a higher perceived value as a motivational speaker.   The fact that Buzzoodle recently listed me among those who have successfully managed to brand themselves is testimony to the power of blogging and for that I am very grateful.  

As a way to thank new and existing readers, for the next several end-of-the-week gratitude posts, I will be pulling out stories from the archives, in essence giving you a “sneak preview” of my first book, ”That’s Right, Stephen!”  Eventually I plan to create a downloadable e-book but until that’s done, this will do for now. 

So, go ahead, grab yourself a cup of coffee and enjoy some of the older posts that will eventually turn into a book!

The Jordan Factor

• Adversity in Elementary School

• Three Words

• Bully

• Leeza Show

Food for thought:  What are you grateful for this week? 

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It had to be new material.  

Fortunately, something happened last night that gave me just what I was looking for.  I hope it inspires you.

Once a month, my church holds an open door coffeehouse where everyone from the community is invited to showcase their artwork, share personal stories and poems in addition to singing, dancing or playing a musical instrument of their choice.  Shouldered between solo acts are karaoke sing-alongs with lyrics on a video screen.

Let me just state for the record that I’ve never cared much for karaoke music.  For the longest time, attending the coffeehouse was nothing more than a means of getting out of the house, nibbling on a snack or two and giving moral support for my good friend Joni, the organizer.  The moment I got itchy, I’d cut my stay short and bolt for the door.  After all, why sit through 3 hours of music that I can’t hear anyway?  While no one ever forced me to go to this monthly event, I certainly didn’t have a very good attitude about it either.  (Photo:  Dave Gorman)

Just before I left the house last night, I decided to upgrade my way of thinking about the whole thing.  Instead of going there with the “same old, same old” attitude, I replaced it with the thought that I was somehow going to have a great time even though I can’t hear anything.  

It took me several minutes after arriving at the church to warm up but when the lyrics of the third karaoke song appeared on the video screen, my whole way of being suddenly underwent a stunning transformation.  There I was, standing to the side and belting out the tunes with unbridled joy and exuberance like a carefree child.  The very surprised organizer quickly came over and handed me the microphone.  In the past, I would have shoved it away, vigorously shaking my head as if to say, “Get that damn thing away from me, don’t you know I can’t sing!?!?”  

But not this time.    

What I didn’t know was that while I was singing my heart out, something magical was happening.  According to Joni, it was like that electrically-charged night when  Paul Potts sang on ”Britain’s Got Talent,” the British version of “American Idol.”   If you haven’t seen the video, you’ll understand what I mean when you watch it here.  

You see, it wasn’t my voice that sent shock waves throughout the room.  Oh good golly, NO!  You’ll never see me on American Idol nor will I be signing a record deal anytime soon. 

What the people was responding to was the pure essence of my inner spirit that was allowed to come out to play because of a simple change of attitude I made earlier that night. 

And that, my friends, is the raw power of changing a habit!

Food for thought:  Step out from behind the cloak of oppressive darkness and allow your inner child to express uninhibited joy for others to see and experience.   It will change their life and ultimately yours.

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Yikes!  Does the mere mention of those words strike fear in your heart?  If you’re like most people, it does.  (Photo Credit:  laffy4k)

These are my own observations for I have personally gone through the gamut of emotions involving the very thing many people are afraid of.  If I were a psychologist evaluating my life’s history, I would probably say I became a motivational speaker because as a child with a profound hearing loss, I missed out on a lot of late-night dinner conversations, often becoming lost in the shuffle of human interaction.   The psychologist in me says that because of that, I unconsciously set out to find a way to make up for it. 

My theory is that I gravitated to public speaking because that’s where I discovered that public speakers are in total control over the flow of information.  Everyone’s attention is riveted onto you, hopefully hanging every word you’re saying. 

It’s quite the theory, isn’t it?  Whereas as a kid, no one paid much attention to me at the dinner table but now that I am a professional speaker, I have command of hundreds, sometimes thousands of people in one room.  How cool is that?

My goal with this article is not necessarily to convince you to become a public speaker.  Instead, it is to encourage you to think about the possibility of what it can do for your own personal development should you decide to take up the challenge of doing what most people list as their #1 fear.          

Regardless of what you do with this article, I will tell you this.  Being able to get over your fear of public speaking can have a huge payoff for your career or business. Employers are always looking for candidates with excellent communication skills. Even if you aren’t in the position to use public speaking as a tool for your career, it can be a significant confidence booster. 

I once had the pleasure of watching Ann, a painfully shy woman with poor social skills, transform into a major social butterfly after taking public speaking courses.  It was an absolute miracle to witness.  There’s nothing like the feeling of giving a good speech that was well received.  But it requires the willingness to walk through your fears and risk possible embarrassment on the way. 

The moment I had my spiritual awakening on the beach in April 1996, I knew I was destined for an altogether different path.  Except for the few speeches I gave while in college, I had no idea it was part of God’s divine blueprint for me.  Other than my success on Wall Street, I didn’t feel I was much of an expert in anything.  It wouldn’t be another several years before I realized I had the right to claim expertise on overcoming adversity and achieving the impossible like I did when becoming the world’s first deaf instrument rated pilot in 2006.

Like Brian Kim says, it’s all about doing the best you can with what you’ve got.   And then giving yourself a pat on the back and answering Lyman’s question, ”Are You Doing the Best You Can Do?”

TWO WAYS I GOT STARTED

Joined Toastmasters (TM) 

The first thing I did was to become a member of the Roughriders Toastmasters Club in New York City shortly before quitting Wall Street.  You can easily locate one in your town by visiting TM’s website. 

It is a place where everyone knows exactly what the others up at the podium are going through, thereby providing a friendly, supportive environment. 

Here’s what I got out of it:    

• Practiced giving prepared speeches by following guidelines to help absolute beginners become a competent speakers. 
• Got positive and constructive feedback from other members after giving a speech.
• Was frequently voted ”Best Speaker” and ”Most Improved Speaker,” a tremendous motivator to keep going (I collected a lot of blue and red ribbons in those days).    
• Learned how to think on my feet during the dreaded ”Table Topics” portion of the meetings.  The moderator would pull a question out of thin air and randomly select someone to provide a quick, succinct one-minute response.  It was NOT my favorite thing because I was never comfortable with giving off-the-cuff remarks but it prepared me well for future question and answer sessions.   
• Gave me an opportunity to enter local, state, divisional and international TM speech contests.  One year I advanced all the way up to the divisional level, winning first place in a humorous speech contest and beating out Julie Morgenstern who, years later, would go on Oprah, instantly making her a best-selling author.  She was like Clay Aiken, the second place American Idol winner who became more popular than Ruben, the guy who beat him.  But you wait Julie, you’ll see what God has planned for me, I’ll catch up to ya!  (Evil Cackling in the background)

Spoke at Service Clubs like Kiwanis, Rotary, Lions

Here’s a tip if you never, ever want to go hungry.  Service clubs are always looking for speakers in exchange for a free meal.  Yes, that’s right, you can speak for food!  It is at these meetings where you can step outside the safety confines of your TM club and get in front of real audiences, testing new materials and taking risks (like moving away from the podium for the first time).  Simply look them up in the local phone book (or google them) and then say, “I’m available to speak for food!”  Whoever answers the phone will get a big kick out of that and you’ll be booked immediately at the next available slot – trust me!      

BUT WHAT WILL I TALK ABOUT?

You may not think you have anything worth speaking about but you actually have a treasure trove from your own life’s experiences.  People LOVE real-life stories as opposed to dry, boring facts.  As soon as you learn how to weave personal experiences in your speeches, you’ll have a captive audience in the palm of your hands.  They’ll be influenced and impacted by your words simply because you cared enough to shared a piece of yourself that they can identify with.  For example, everyone loves rags to riches stories.  Do you have one?  What about stories of defeat or triumph?  Everyone has experienced some form of adversity.  How inspiring it would be for your audience if they knew that they could also overcome great odds to succeed, just like you!  

Here’s what you can do when looking for stories:

• Chicken Soup for the Soul books:  When I first started out, I was stuck for story ideas.  I had not yet learned how to pull together my own life experiences so I used some of my favorite Chicken Soup stories in the beginning.  An example would be a speech I did for the Brooklyn Kiwanis Club many years ago called You Are Making a Difference!     
• Create a file for “Major Life Experiences:”  This is where you list your biggest achievements, biggest disappointments, most embarrassing, most devastating and the funniest moments of your life, to name a few.  The moment I created this list, I couldn’t believe how fast and furious ideas sprung forth!      
• Write Short Stories:  Write out short stories for each major experience you’ve had.  The act of writing it out makes it easier for you to remember important key points during a speech.  I took this one step further and submitted them online to see how others would react to it.  That’s how I ended up publishing three different stories in three books, one of which was ”Chicken Soup for the College Soul” (i.e. Dare Take Risks!).  There are a ton of websites out there begging for short stories like heartwarmers.com and many others.  All you have to do is google “inspirational stories” and you’re on your way.      
• Interview Your Parents, Teachers:  Ask them what you were like when you were growing up.  Find out how you handled challenges back then.  This is guaranteed to trigger long forgotten memories, giving you access to even more stories for your speeches.    

HOW DO I GET RID OF THE BUTTERFLIES?

Visualize the audience with loving energy:  Draw into your mind a sea of smiling faces in the room.  If feasible, visit the location of your speech the night before and mentally bless the room with thousands of angels of light, silently affirming to yourself, ”The audience loves me and I love them back.  Their hearts are genuinely touched by my messages.”  Then just before you go to sleep, pull up your memory of the room and go through the visualization process again.  If you can’t visit the room ahead of time for some reason, create an image in your mind and project the love of energy onto your imaginary audience.  The more love you give out, the more you will get back.

Let out a Bloodcurdling Scream:  Years ago while preparing for a speech for an audience of a thousand people, I asked to be led to the basement of the building where I was to speak.  I had an idea that I wanted to try.  Upon finding myself a small abandoned room, I shut the door, took a deep breath and then let out the loudest scream I could muster.  Oh what a relief it was!  Of course, I ran the risk of scaring the hell out of someone who might think I was being murdered.  But gosh, it really worked!   

Workout:  If screaming isn’t feasible, the next best suggestion would be to wake up early on the day of the speech and give yourself a strenuous workout at the gym, go for a run or do some push-ups in your hotel room.  Work up a sweat and then take a long, hot shower.  It’ll relax your body, mind and spirit.  

One reassuring note for aspiring public speakers:  Despite the countless of professional speeches I’ve given, I will be the first of many to admit I still experience butterflies.  Not the crippling kind but perhaps the heart-pounding mixed with trepidation kind.  For as long as I am a speaker, I think it will never go away completely, regardless of how many times I decide to scream or do push-ups in my hotel room or visualize the room with loving energy.  I once heard that the moment the butterflies stop, it’s time to quit because then you’re no longer excited about what you’re doing. 

BE WILLING TO TAKE RISKS

Start with Notes at the Podium Then Move Away  -  Inches at a Time:  As a beginning speaker, you will most likely make extensive use of the podium.  It has served as a great refuge for many throbbing knees and shaky hands.  But as you gain more confidence, it’s advisable to move away from it because the podium serves as the great divide between you and the audience.  

The first time I moved away was on the night I spoke at the Kiwanis Club in Staten Island (south of Manhattan, accessible by ferry).  It was an after-dinner speech that started with me clinging onto the podium (hey, I had to warm up first!).

A few minutes into the speech, I heard a voice in my head telling me, ”Go mingle with the audience, NOW!” 

Hesitantly I squeezed the podium one last time and let go.  The security blanket was no more. 

Soon I found myself mingling with the audience, Oprah-style.  It was so liberating!  I couldn’t believe how much fun I was having.  

Then it happened.

I was more than halfway through the speech, doing rather well when suddenly my mind went blank! 

I froze on the spot, feeling my face turn beet red.  

Everyone knew what had just happened and they just sat there, waiting to see what I would do about it. 

Fortunately, I had the good sense to make light of it and threw out some kind of wisecracking self-depreciating remark, which ended up bringing down the house.  I went on to give one of my best speeches that night, learning a valuable lesson.

The lesson was this:  Most audiences, while they expect the best from you (i.e. confidence, poise, humor, authenticity), they are also quite forgiving, especially when you allow yourself to be transparent and not some high and mighty speaker looking down on them. 

Believe me, most audiences really want you to succeed.  And you will, if you give them the love and respect they deserve.   They’ll give it right back to you.

THE BIGGEST SECRET OF PUBLIC SPEAKING

It is this:  Only you know if you messed up.  Unless you say something about it, the audience has no idea what you meant to include as part of the speech.  I can’t tell you how many times I left something out but I kept right on going.  They can always ask you questions at the end of the speech or approach you afterwards.  So don’t sweat it.  No matter how many times you’ve given a speech, you’ll always leave some things out. 

THE MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT

For this one, I’m going to point you to a story of something that happened when giving a speech to a group of distinguished businessmen in the city of New York.  Long-time subscribers to Adversity University will remember it – the rest of you can see it at How I Survived a Most Embarrassing Experience at a Speaking Engagement Involving a Bottle of Mouthwash.  I hope you have a good chuckle with it!  Do let me know what you thought of it.

In summary, if you want to learn how to give public speeches and boost your self confidence then:

• Join Toastmasters
• Speak for Food
• Utilize Your Own Life’s Experiences for stories
• Take Risks
• Keep Going Even if You Mess Up

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Are you familiar with Ten Thousand Villages?

It’s a global organization supporting the work of thousands of artists from around the world, particularly those living in third world countries.  My church, First Grace United Church of Christ, recently opened a Ten Thousand Villages store as part of its growing stable of successful ministries and smartly named it Market Path.  It is almost like a franchise operation but without the encumbrances that normally come with such stores.  Shop owners are free to name it whatever they want and decorate the store as they see fit, even selling products from vendors outside Ten Thousand Villages. 

Ten Thousand Villages is part of a world-wide movement to practice fair trade, creating opportunities for economically disadvantaged producers, giving them a chance to earn fair wages for a better quality life.      

One day after Sunday services, I experienced a bone-jarring moment of synchronicity at Market Path.  

I decided to stop by the store to see if I could lend a helping hand.  Perhaps the garbage needed to be taken out or the cardboard boxes had to be flattened and disposed of.   Thanks to the two delightfully energetic and perpetually smiling young ladies who work there full time (Jenni Browning and Janet Rhodes), I always walk out of there with my spirits uplifted.  Not only are they full of loving energy but they have truly mastered the art of smiling that even a group of pre-teenage boys from the neighborhood now call it “the cool store.”  When you have a couple of hard-to-impress group of kids calling your store a cool place to be, then you know something awesome is happening!    

On this particular day, Anthony Colucci, also a member of First Grace, was there assisting Jenni with the scanning of products into the store’s new computer system.  Approaching the counter, I noticed he was holding an attractively designed triangular box, piquing my interest.  

“Hey Anthony, what’s that you have in your hands?” I inquired, intensely curious.

Taking off the cover, he showed me what was inside.  What I saw immediately inspired me to buy one.  In the box was two auburn-colored ceramic hands, beautifully carved and cupped together (as if drinking water from a fountain), along with several pieces of pleasant smelling cone-shaped incense.  I had never seen anything like it before.

Pointing to the box in Anthony’s hands, I excitedly said, “Jenni, where can I find more of those?” 

Grabbing my hand, she happily led me to a three tier shelf that was perched in the middle of the tiny store, a mere few feet from the counter.  The top shelf had a piece of cloth that hung over the edge, partially obscuring the neatly stacked triangular boxes on the second shelf.  After rearranging it so that it was prominently displayed, I took one up to the counter for purchase.

While Anthony rang up the sale, Jenni was busy pulling up information off the Internet on the store’s laptop computer to find out the story behind the incense set.  We wanted to know who made it and where they were from.

The laptop was connected to a video projector that was nestled securely on top of a small wooden platform that hung from the ceiling by two chains fastened on both sides.  The projector was aimed at a wall behind the counter for easy viewing.        

After punching in the item number into the computer, the wall behind the counter lit up with information.        

We could not believe our eyes when we read the name of the organization that made the incense. 

Silence.  

For those of you who are visiting here for the very first time, I’ve lived in a world of silence ever since I was born!

But wait, there’s more.  

According to the Ten Thousand Village website, Silence is composed of a group of hearing impaired and other physically disabled artists living in India!

Whoa, do you think that was a “coincidence”?  I mean, what are the odds of that happening? 

Marveling at the synchronicity of it all, I rushed back to the shelf and got myself another set.  How could I not?  Isn’t that a cool way to give back or what?  

No wonder the neighborhood kids thought of the store as the cool place to be!  Next time you talk to a kid, listen up.  Sometimes they know about things we adults are “too grown up” to think about.  Did you know that a couple of kids came up with the title “Chicken Soup for the Soul” that went on to become best-sellers?   

Are you curious what the incense set looked like?  Because I couldn’t find the image in the Ten Thousand Villages website, I asked Jenni to send me a picture via email.  Here it is:

For more information about Ten Thousand Villages and to find a store near you, please visit their website.  

You never know - you might even experience a moment of awe-inspiring synchronicity like I did! 

If you do, please be sure to let me know about it!  

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………..I suddenly felt a strange compulsion to walk over to the bookcase…retrieve two green booklets on the very bottom shelf….turned out to be…personal diaries….not read since 1995….the year I made enormous amounts of money on Wall Street, was in better physical shape in my mid-thirties….not to mention countless of exciting bedroom escapades….But something else was happening….I was shocked to see a darker, more sinister side of me appear…. there were names of people who I have no recollection of ever meeting but they were supposedly my dearest, closest friends…….

Oh my sweet Mama! 

Did that sound like something out of a Hollywood movie?  Obviously I’m not going to lay out everything for the world to see but I’d like to share lessons gleaned from the diaries.   Also on this list are some of the undesirable demons I struggled with at the time.  

All of them made me who I am today.

4 Success Habits Capitulating Me to a Six-Figure Career on Wall Street

Intense focus- Each night before leaving the office at Merrill Lynch, I created a plan for the next day and then worked it the moment I walked in the following morning.  The plan included names of clients I would call, sales goal for the day, appointments with prospective clients and other things to keep me on track.  

Work ethic – Came in to work early (7 am) and left late (8 pm).  I loved the feeling of beating everyone to the punch in the office.  I guess it gave me a sense of competitiveness or maybe it was just the desire to kick start the day.   Whatever it was, it made me feel GREAT!  (Merrill Lynch Bull Photo Credit:  Travis S.)

Passion – I repeatedly wrote in my diary how much I loved the work I was doing.  The fierce fire in the pit of my belly gave me a reason to bounce out of bed and eagerly look forward to the day’s events.  

Visualization – Pictures of hotels in faraway places that I’d be staying at for sales-related sales contests were cut and hung where I could see them daily.  I also visualized how much monthly income I desired.  It was interesting, in retrospect, to see on some of those pages figures ranging from $20,000 to $30,000 a month! 

How I Got Through Tough Spots

• Prayed to a Higher Power – This was the year where God was officially recognized as my unseen partner in life.  This was a spiritual, not religious decision.  While I have always been conscious of His invisible presence, it wasn’t until 1995 when I truly communed with him on a daily basis, using prayer to communicate my innermost desires, thoughts, fears, emotions, etc.  
• Daily Gratitude- This went hand-in-hand with my new-found relationship with a higher power.  I was constantly seeking the good in everything that happened to me (even the challenging ones) and then finding reasons to be grateful for them.  It got to the point where I was doing this unconsciously, enabling me to shift from limited to unlimited possibility thinking.  
• Faith in Myself- Even though 1995 was my best year financially, I did encounter rough patches along the way, some of which severely shook my inner foundation.  You may recall the episode I had with the Grandmotherly Client from Hell.  That was the first major shake-up.  That was followed by the defection of a couple of very high net worth clients that moved out of New York.  My dairy was obliterated with fear-based thoughts about whether I had the ability to survive afterwards.  It taught me the true meaning of “this, too, shall pass.”          
• Found ways to feel good- Since physical fitness and nutrition was made a priority that year, I was in better shape at 35 then I was in my twenties.    Not only did I lose 15 to 20 pounds but I was also proudly sporting a hard washboard stomach for the first time!  A person who feels good physically is a person who is bound to feel good mentally.  Seeing how my reality became more favorable while in this state of mind, I discovered by accident how to deliberately find ways to feel good (i.e. eat nutritional food, exercise, watch the sun go down, imagine a cute baby laughing, send a handwritten thank you card, have dinner with a good friend, etc.).   
• Dealing with Disappointments- I had a number of close encounters with prospects whose net worth were in the millions.  Despite my earnest efforts, a handful of potentially lucrative accounts never materialized.  There was a school with a $6 million endowment fund that needed to be invested.  I didn’t get the account.  After being interviewed on national television (CNN news), one lady called to say she wanted to transfer $20 to $30 million worth of investments for me to invest and manage.  After wining and dining her to no end, she turned out to be a fake!  At first I was devastated but I eventually learned how to deal with disappointment by replacing negative thoughts with more empowering ones and move on.      

The amazing thing is that I had been practicing the law of attraction at the time without knowing it!  This lends credence to the fact that some people are able to attract abundance by default.  They behave, think and act like I did.  The difference between today and back then is I now practice the law of attraction consciously.  Back then I didn’t.  Interesting, isn’t it?

Lessons from Dangerous Habits

Excessive Partying- This was a leftover habit from my college days.  During the first ten years after college graduation, I was a party boy, frequenting nightclubs like Studio 54.  In those days, I stumbled around in a fog because I was still partying night after night with no sense of purpose.  But all that changed in February 1995 when I suddenly decided after a night of heavy partying that I was not going to do it anymore.  The incredible clarity I gained afterwards led me to the spiritual journey I am now on.  To use an analogy, I am like the person who suddenly decided to stop eating meat and become a vegetarian for the simple reason that the former no longer fit my new lifestyle.  (Studio 54 Photo Credit:  Mr. Konishi)

Self Esteem Based on Shallow Ideals  – While great things were happening that year, I still had a lot of inner clutter that needed cleaning.  As I was turning the pages, I was shocked to know that I depended on external things to make me happy.  For example, my self worth was dependent on how many messages people left on my answering machine, my bank account balance, the number of people who showed up for a party I threw or the number of times I scored in the bedroom!  Thanks to the life-changing decision, I began to look within for strength.     

Fear- This is was a big one.  One of the biggest was whether or not I would continue to survive in the jungles of Wall Street.  One day my sales manager foretold an ominous warning and said, ”…..if you’re going to survive in this business, you need to be opening bigger and bigger accounts!”  It made my stomach flip with fear.  I handled it by staying in the moment and doing the best I could day by day.  It was all I could do to stop the fear from snowballing.  

Lost of Passion, Enthusiasm, Drive – In early 1996, the pages of my diary was strewn with tales of lost motivation and the struggle to regain it.  It shocked me to read things like, ”I no longer work on the weekends and rarely stay late like I used to.”  Somehow despite the luck-luster interest in the business, I managed to survive another year with respectable earnings.  The lesson learned here is that if and when you lose passion for what you’re doing, what was easy and effortless suddenly turns harder than necessary.     

Special Note:  When I took my semi-annual vacation in April 1996, I had a spiritual revelation on the beach, the story of which you can read about here.  It explains, in part, why I was losing interest toward the end of my career on Wall Street. 

Food for thought:  Have you ever written a diary and taken a look at it lately?  You’d be surprised to see how much you have changed!

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