Do you consider yourself a likeable person? Tim Saunders, a former Yahoo executive and popular business speaker, made “The Likeability Factor” a household phrase with his best-selling book of the same title. I haven’t read it but I heard it was a good read.

While your expertise certainly helps, that’s not why people ultimately do business with you. All the advertising in the world might get you some attention in the beginning but it’s usually a waste of money in the long run. While a lot of businesses seem to be offering similar products and services, I still stand by my article, “There’s No Such Thing as Competition.” What makes you stand out is your likeability factor.

People do business with you because they like you. How you relate to others is now more important then ever. If you exude a personality that exhibits any degree of the likeability factor, they will want to work with you not necessarily because your products and services are any more colorful, functional or superior. It’s not what you know but how much people like you.

Are you an upbeat individual with a firm handshake and a genuine smile? If so, they will want to be infected with your positive energy. Are you someone who’s articulate, a good listener and one who shows empathy for others? Then people will want to do business with you because they are buying YOU. They want a bit of that essence you exude and take a little piece of you home with them.

Look at what happened with Bill Gates. He dropped out of Harvard to start Microsoft with buddy Paul Allen. At one point, IBM asked them to create some kind of DOS program. Do you think IBM was asking them to do it because of their “expertise”? They were two young geeks at the time for goodness sake! They actually had no clue on how to do it but IBM commissioned them to create the program anyway because their likeability factor was very high. The rest is history.

Yesterday, I went into the Pollack Studios in South Euclid, Ohio to have some new pictures taken for this blog, my speaking website as well as new business cards. Wendy, the “Goddess of Networking” introduced me to him. The first thing I remember was the way Mr. Pollack shook my hand with both of his and how he looked at me squarely in the eye with a kind smile on his face. Throughout the photo shoot, he asked me questions about my speaking business and genuinely seemed interested in me, taking time to stop what he was doing to listen and respond. He made me feel like the most important person in the world. By the time we were finished, I couldn’t help but wanting to continue to do business with Mr. Pollack because his likeability factor was very high. In fact, I liked him so much that I want you to know about him. If you’re in need of new photos (whether digitial or print), please stop by his website or contact him (216-381-2001 or drop him an email at JLPPHOTOG(at)aol.com). You won’t regret it.

Could I have gone out and bought myself a digital camera and done it myself? Sure. Piece of cake. With the invention of digital cameras, the photography business has been permanently altered. Investing in a digital camera these days makes almost too easy to bypass a professional photographer’s services. But Mr. Pollack has been able to stay in business by differentiating himself through the likeability factor.

Here’s my take on what makes your likeability factor go up:

1. You are the real deal. People want to be in the presence of genuine personalities. It’s easy to spot a fake person a mile away. You’re more willing than most to show the vulnerable side of you because you have no need to provide layers of insulation, pretending that you have “it.” People respect real people, not arrogant pricks who pretend to be high and mighty like the anonymous guy on the Internet who calls himself “The Rich Jerk.”

2. Your emotional intelligence is very high. You’re great at validating other people’s feelings and emotions. You really care about others and they sense that the moment you walk into the room.

3. People have no trouble understanding you because you are a conscientious communicator. You keep them informed, even when the news is bad or when you stumble and fall. It’s been proven that doctors who fess up their errors are rarely sued for gross incompetence as opposed to those who try to cover up.

4. You have superior listening skills. There’s nothing more exciting than to be truly heard. The eyes of likeable people are riveted onto you, making you feel like the most important person in the room.

5. You are comfortable in your own skin, giving others permission to be comfortable with you.

6. You have integrity, making it super easy for people to trust you. Would you buy from someone you didn’t trust?

If you have the likeability factor, you’ll have no trouble doing brisk business. People will be drawn to you like magnet because you are perceived to be a winner. They end up becoming your human advertisers, spreading the word because your likeability factor is quite high.

How cool is that?!?

Food for thought: How is your likeability factor today?

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Alexander Kjerulf from Positive Sharing wrote a fascinating article about how two major airlines deal with their customers in times of adversity. He painted a stark contrast between the behavior of employees from Contential and Southwest in “A Tale of two airlines – why every company should have a Chief Apology Officer.”

Interestingly enough, his article nicely complemented some stuff I wrote about the wonder of Southwest Airlines:

1. Passion at Southwest Airlines
2. Entertaining the Possibilities at Southwest
3. Acting on Intuition – The Southwest Story
4. How Southwest Remembers People

Until next time, enjoy the rest of your week!

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The question is, how can we deal with them?

In my view, angry people are screaming to be heard. They want to be valued, loved and listened to. They want to feel important but just don’t know how to do it right.

Here’s 7 things I do when in the presence of such a person:

1. Remain calm in the eye of the storm. Be still and say nothing. Let it run its course. Often times the angry person is trying to provoke you into a shouting match. It doesn’t pay to argue because it raises barriers. Remember how I handled the barber situation?

2. Let the person do a great deal of the talking. He will soon tire of it. Sometimes that’s all they want. To be heard. To feel important. Everyone wants to feel important. Some people just express it in ways that are counterproductive.

3. Genuinely see from the other person’s point of view. Imagine yourself in his shoes. Never say “you’re wrong.” In fact, try hard to look for areas of agreement and expound on them.

4. There’s power in the words “Yes, yes, I see exactly what you’re saying. You mean…….” This shows the other person you heard him. That’s all they usually want – to be validated! By agreeing on some things, you are gradually breaking down the other person’s anger or resistance.

5. If the situation turns verbally abusive, put a stop to it (with your palms extended upward as if you were a traffic policeman), and firmly but calmly state: “You’re very angry right now and you’re saying things you don’t mean (give the benefit of the doubt) so I will excuse myself and we’ll talk again after you calm down.” Then leave the room or ask the person to leave.

6. If you are wrong, quickly admit it and take responsibility. You could say, “You’re absolutely right, it is my fault and here is what I will do about it…….”

Or even if you’re convinced you’re NOT wrong, at least give the benefit of the doubt, “I may be wrong, let’s look at the facts together.” No one would argue with that!

These words also have power – tremendous power. Not only does it validate the other person’s viewpoint but it also diffuses the tension hanging in the air – it dissipates almost immediately and you can almost hear (or in my case see) a sigh of relief from the other person. They have been heard is what their brain is telling them. You might be surprised to see what happens after that. This person might do a sudden about-face and actually end up defending you!

They might have a change of heart and say: “Yes, you’re at fault but it’s no big deal, everyone makes mistakes.” You could actually have a little fun watching the other person reverse course if you continue on with this dialogue. I’ve done it myself numerous times. It’s almost addictive!

“I should have been more careful, I’m embarrassed to have done this. You’ve given me a lot of work and I’m grateful for it. In fact, I’m going to do this project all over again for you.”

The other person, being human and having been heard (and validated) might protest, “No, No, I wouldn’t put you through all that trouble.” (If on the other hand that doesn’t happen and he agrees with your assessment, well then do the next best thing and just do it.)

For the most part, you’d be amazed what was once a difficult person trying to pin the blame on you is suddenly an advocate of yours. Instead of arguing with the person, saying he was wrong and you were right, what’s happened is you’ve changed what could have been an ugly event into one that turned out better than you envisioned! It is a most amazing feeling.

Your eagerness to show he was right and you were wrong would take the fight out of him. There is a lot of satisfaction, at least in my mind, to having the courage to admit that someone else was right in pointing out your errors. The person criticizing you is often primed for a big argument but when you surprise the other person by agreeing with some of his viewpoints, you sap his will to fight because there’s nothing left for him to wield the sword!

7. If you’re dealing with someone you deal with on a daily basis like a boss or co-worker who is constantly negative, combative, argumentative and the like, what I’ve done is to use the power of visualization. I imagine that person as a loving spiritual being having a human experience. I did this with a boss I had at the Wall Street bank several years ago. He was an absolute tyrant and gave everyone, including me, a hard time. In retrospect, he was clearly unhappy and insecure.

One day I had an idea (thanks to the book The Power of Positive Thinking) and started to visualize him as a loving grandfather because when he was a good mood (which you never knew would happen), he would lovingly talk about his grandchildren. His eyes and face would light up with incredible joy, leading me to realize there was a softhearted man behind the mean-looking facade. Every morning before going to work, I imagined him romping around in the backyard on a warm, breezy day with his grandkids squealing and laughing with delight. I did this for several months with amazing results.

Long story short, this man promoted me almost 1 year later. I will be writing a story about this experience in the future but what I want to emphasize is that this promotion was in no small part due to the power of visualization.

No one can dispute that this works because I’ve lived to tell the story. I’ve used it win trips to Mexico and Bermuda (sales contests at Merrill Lynch), to forgive those who have hurt me, to become the world’s first deaf instrument pilot and to give powerful presentations, to name a few. It’s absolutely amazing.

Food for thought: Think about how you dealt with difficult people in the past. Were you tempted to prove them wrong, trying to save yourself face? Were you able to see through the facade and truly see that all they want is to be heard, loved and validated? Have you tried the power of visualization?

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The last part of the HEAR Principle is something Colleen Barrett, president of Southwest, is famous for. According to the book NUTS! by Kevin and Jackie Freiberg, Colleen is fanatical about remembering those who helped make it possible for Southwest to enjoy stupendous success.

She does this by sending birthday cards to all the members of the Texas legislature. Through a special network in place at Southwest, Colleen is notified of noteworthy circumstances affecting one or many of the thousands of employees upon which a personalized note or gift is sent, often surprising the receipient.

On top of that, Southwest sends 75,000 greeting cards a year to customers, employees and friends to recognize their birthdays, anniversaries, losses, new babies and other significant events. Imagine that!

Do you think sending 75,000 cards a year is overkill? I don’t.

Southwest knows something you and I already know through the application of the HEAR Principle. When we remember those who helped us along the way, not only are we giving them recognition for what they did but we are also reminding ourselves that we are not alone. That we cannot exist in a vacuum. Successful people and organizations cannot slosh their way through adversity without some kind of assistance. It’s impossible!

When people are recognized by you or your company, it makes them want to be there for you again becuase it was brought to their attention that they really do matter. Even if they thought they didn’t “do anything much” to help you – simply by remembering and recognizing them, you are bringing the light of recognition into their lives. You’ll recall a post I wrote in so many words how people “crave recognition.” It’s so true.

They feel their efforts in helping you was worth their time and as a result, feel inspired to lift you to even greater heights all becuase you chose to take a few minutes of your time to remember them in some way form or shape.

There you have it. If Southwest can unknowingly apply each and every part of the HEAR Principle, so can you. Why not give it a try?

In the very near future, I will be posting a “call for stories” from you out there to share with me your experiences in overcoming adversity. Be on the lookout for it!

Food for thought: Is there anyone you’d like to remember for helping you through major turning points in your life? Give it some thought – you’d be surprised at the number of names that pop up!

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Another word for intuition is that “gut” feeling you get from time to time. It’s that little voice in your head urging you to act on an idea, thought or something you saw or heard. Often times it calls for you to act in the face of the unknown. In other words, your intuition is telling you to do something when there’s no evidence that it’ll work out in the end.

Using the experience of my favorite airline, countless of employees have listened to their intuition and made judgment calls that caused them to go above the call of duty to help their fellow workers and customers. I pulled one example out of NUTS! by Kevin and Jackie Freiberg for this post.

My favorite story of how intuition was used was the time a flight attendant from Phoenix named Debra Undhjem stepped in to help an elderly (87 years old) passenger.

Although the elderly woman missed her plane in Oakland, she did make it to Phoenix only to miss her connecting flight to Tulsa. Since there were no more flights to Tulsa after the missed flight, the customer had no choice but to stay overnight and catch the next available flight the following morning.

In light of her situation, customer service supervisors decided to put her up in a local hotel at the airline’s expense. That’s when Debra got personally involved.

She decided to go beyond the call of duty and invite the elderly customer to her home for the night instead of putting her in a hotel room all by herself. Debra made ecessary phone calls to relatives in Tulsa informing them the elderly lady would be arriving on the first flight the next day. The following morning Debra brought this customer back to the airport and waited with her until she was aboard the first flight to Tulsa.

Isn’t that great customer service or what? Now, I can’t imagine they do this very often (it would be impossible to with the volume of passengers they fly everyday) but there was a special reason for it.

When asked why she followed her intuition, she said it was because the elderly woman was diabetic and she did not feel it was right to put her up in a hotel by herself. She felt called to go beyond what was expected of her in the name of doing what felt right. It’s amazing how the Southwest culture encourages their employees to think for themselves. You’d be hard pressed to find a corporation like Southwest these days!

In any case, who knows what might have happened had the woman been left alone that evening? Even though it didn’t happen, you never know if she would have suffered a massive stroke with no one around to help her.

Food for thought: Can you name one or two incidents where you had an overwhelming feeling about something that you couldn’t put your finger on but you went ahead and acted on it? Did your “hunch” prove to be correct?

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Can you think of all the people in your life who helped you, especially when you were experiencing adversity or when you were at a crossroad of sorts?

Was it……

• a teacher like Mrs. Jordan who said the right thing at the right time?
• the person who wrote a glowing recommendation letter that won you a major scholarship or admission to your school of choice?
• mentors who appeared at just the right time to guide you personally and professionally?
• the gatekeeper who put your important phone call through to the company bigwig?
• a friend who consoled you through a painful time?
• a stranger who did you an extraordinary act of kindness?
• someone who opened the door for you, leading to incredible opportunities?
• the minister who listened to you for hours?
• family members who’ve supported you with love and encouragement?
• your boss who backed you up in the midst a major corporate crisis that threatened to put you out of a job?

Why not become extraordinary, stand out from the crowd and send these people handwritten notes, thanking them for something they did for you? It will cause a few raised eyebrows, guaranteed.

You say you already sent them an email thanking them? Well, that’s nice but it doesn’t really count.

I’m not saying email should never be used to thank people. In fact, we’ve all done it and we will continue to do it. It’s too easy not to.

Yes, you’re very busy. It takes time to write notes. In fact, it just might make your hand hurt since you’re probably so used to typing on a keyboard or dicating into a machine.

If you think about it a moment, the people who helped you were also busy; yet they found the time to guide you, listen to you, write a letter on your behalf, etc. Imagine the ripple effect your handwritten card would have on them. It would mean much more because they know you’re a busy person. Wouldn’t you agree?

Just a simple note will suffice:

“Joe, It’s been many years since I’ve seen you but I never forgot what you did for me when I was towards the end of my career at ABC company. You helped me get started with my new speaking career by hiring a professional speech coach and writing a recommendation letter. Thank you Joe. Warm regards, Carl.”

I’ll bet “Joe” was very surprised to hear from “Carl” since so many years went by. There are no statue of limitations on thank you notes. Hint: This actually happened to me several years ago and someone is about to get a surprise card from me this week!

Here are some rules I go by when I want my thank you’s to really count:

• substitute handwritten notes in place of email for significant deeds
• use blank cards (not the preprinted ones where you sign your name and be done with it)
• insert your business card (especially if it has a photo on it – they’ll love it!)
• send a card to each family member and watch their eyebrows go up-they’ll never expect it
• keep it short and sweet-don’t blubber your eyes out and cause the ink to run amok
• it’s never too late to send a thank you card (I just wrote one to my fifth grade teacher from over 30 years ago)

When you get into the habit of expressing gratitude in a heartfelt way, you subconsciously attract more of what you thanked them for. You bring into your life more people who will help you, especially in times of adversity. More importantly, you become more apt to give back and help others, allowing the universal cycle of giving and receiving to continue unfettered.

Food for thought: Imagine you are going to spend a lot of time with one of two people in a professional or personal setting. One person unexpectantly sent you a personal note of thanks. The other did not. They are both of equal background, similiar personalities, etc. Which one would you choose to spend time with?

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The other day I decided to check out this place for the first time since it was just down the road from my home. I had been meaning to visit it for some quite time and finally had the chance to stop in. If I liked this barber, I could end up being a regular customer for it was much more convenient to go his place than to drive so far out of the way for a haircut.

Parking directly in front of the red, white and blue barber pole, I walked up to the door and poked my head in to ask how much he charged and whether credit cards were accepted. My plan was to go to the ATM machine if necessary.

“It’s $12 – cash only,” the pleasant barber said.

“Ok, I don’t have any cash on me so I’ll return shortly.”

Twenty minutes later, I was back. He was already working with another customer so I found myself a seat in the “waiting room” and leafed through day-old newspapers and ancient magazines. In between pages, I quietly made some observations. I watched how the barber was interacting with the customer, the manner in which he was cutting hair and the way he handled himself. Although nothing appeared out of the ordinary, something told me to leave and go elsewhere.

But I don’t have any reason to, I silently protested.

It’s not too often that I ignore my intuition but I did on that day and now I wish I hadn’t.

Climbing into the chair, I told him that I was deaf, something I customarily do when dealing with new people so that they are made aware of my lip-reading situation. We discussed which clipper he would be using on what was left of my hair. The barber patiently explained and showed me three different-sized clippers. We decided Clipper #3 would be the best and if it turned out not to be “enough of a cut,” we’d go down to Clipper #2. Yeah, right.

“Sounds good,” I said.

Halfway through the haircut, the phone rang and he answered it. It wasn’t long before he was snipping away again.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed he wasn’t smiling after he got off the phone but didn’t think anything of it. Perhaps he was in pain from the hernia operation (he volunteered this information earlier). Apparently it was his first day back to work after spending 3 days at the hospital. Of course, I empathized with him saying things like, “That must hurt,” “How did it happen?” etc. etc.

When he was three quarters of the way done, I surveyed myself in the mirror and made an innocent comment.

“You know, I was just thinking we’ll probably end up cutting it shorter,” I said pleasantly.

In a flash, his face transformed into a mass of contorted fury. His blue eyes were ice cold. The veins on his neck were straining to pop. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

A miniature Hulk Hogan!

Slamming down the clippers on the counter behind me, he fidgeted and paced back and forth. I could see an explosion coming. It came less than 2 seconds later:

“I DON’T FEEL WELL TODAY AND I’M TRYING REAL HARD. YOU’VE NEVER BEEN HERE BEFORE SO WHY CAN’T YOU JUST WAIT UNTIL I’M DONE?!??”

For the first time since setting afoot in the tiny barbershop, I felt ominous energy emanating from this man. I tried to ignore it, still in denial of what was developing before my very eyes.

Believe it or not, I was so shell-shocked at this sudden outburst I actually thought he was joking at first. My survival instincts hadn’t yet kicked in. I looked at him in the mirror and smiled, thinking it would calm him down.

Big mistake.

Pointing at me, he said, “Don’t you laugh at me!”

Dripping with contempt, he shouted, “DON’T YOU LAUGH AT ME!”

A shiver ran up and down my spine. Because of the close proximity to this man, I began to fear for my physical safety. There were just the two of us – it couldn’t have happened at a worst time. God was my only witness.

My first thought was to defend myself and say, I’m not laughing at you. But I thought the better of it. Perhaps he was looking to be provoked. A million other thoughts ran through my befuddled mind:

Get up off the chair, rip off the “bib,” shove the $12 in his face and get the heck out of the there.

Stand up, point my finger at him and say something like “What’s your problem? I’m not going to pay for this *&^)(*#!% customer service. Who do you think you are?”

$%^&^&*(*^%#$#$#!!!! And then storm out of the place.

No, no, no, it isn’t worth it. You stay still, remain calm and pay for the haircut. Then leave peacefully and mention something Dale Carnegie would say on the way out.

I knew I could not indulge in the first three fantasies unless I wanted a mug shot for the first time in my life. I went with my gut feeling on the last one, probably the best decision I made that day.

After calming down somewhat, he snappily asked if I wanted it cut shorter. His eyes were challenging me.

Fighting with all my might to remain calm, I nonchalantly said, “No, it looks good, thanks.”

Sliding off the chair, I suddenly remembered a chapter out of the book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People” and said, “I hope you feel better.” No reason to give this man a reason to go berserk before I had a chance to get out safely.

He came back fast and furious: “I sure hope so and I don’t care if you ever come back again!”

Another round of shock thundered through my body and more thoughts came alive, none of which are fit for print anywhere.

Reaching into my wallet, I paid the $12, turned around and walked out as calmly as I could. I fought the urge to look back. Gosh, how the ego wants to help!

If he said anything behind my back, I didn’t hear it. There ARE advantages to being deaf!

Walking briskly to my car, I looked down at my hands. They were shaking. My heart was beating like a jackhammer. I was still reeling in shock and thinking, What on earth just happened?

How would you have handled this kind of adversity?

Food for thought: James Buckham said “Every trial endured and weathered in the right spirit makes a soul nobler and stronger than it was before.” (especially if it happened at the local barbershop!!!!!!)

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Well, I stumbled across an article that was formerly on Zig Ziglar’s website but apparently it’s no longer there so I had to do a search and found it at this site. It’ll change your perspective, I guarantee it. It certainly changed mine!

Here’s my $67,000 question: Are you charging what you think you’re worth and then trusting the process?

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