It was the beginning of a hot summer day. After finding Wadsworth Park, I trekked across the moist dew covered grass and made my way over to where Joanna and Cheryl, coordinators of the event, were busy getting organized. (Photo Credit: Demi Photography)
I first began by finding myself a makeshift dressing area, which was actually out in open space, behind the massive stone fireplace that was part of the pavilion. Fortunately, the fireplace was wide enough to afford me some privacy while I changed out of my Docker slacks and golf shirt into a pair of shorts and t-shirt.
While I was changing, a burly mustached park ranger with a large gun and dark Tom Cruise sunglasses approached Joanna to introduce himself. He was just being friendly, offering any assistance we might need. At one point, he cocked his head sideways as if he heard something coming from behind the fireplace.
“I think I hear a deer back there,” he said.
Before he had a chance to head in that direction, Joanna, the director of Greenleaf Family Services, quickly piped up, “Oh no, that’s one of our guys getting changed back there!”
My goodness, I had no idea I was capable of making so much noise when it came to a simple change of clothing!
As I emerged from behind the fireplace, you can imagine my surprise to see this linebacker of a ranger standing next to Joanna with arms folded across his powerful chest. I remember thinking it was a good thing he wasn’t left to his own devices because had he gone to investigate the rustling sounds, I would probably have acted like a deer caught in headlights and died on the spot from embarrassment!
Around 11:30 am, the first batch of kids began to arrive. My heart picked up a beat. While my signing skills had improved over the years, I was a late bloomer in that department (among other things) because I wasn’t exposed to it until I was well into my third year of college. Over the years though, I slowly but steadily improved to the point where I was easily able to converse with just about anyone who used sign language as a primary means of communication. It made me feel bilingual.
I also had a flashback to when I was a young boy. While growing up, I never had deaf role models to look up to because there weren’t any. So casting myself in that role was going to be one very interesting experience.
Little did I know a pint-sized of a kid was going to make a huge impact on my life a few hours later.
Somewhat apprehensive, I had absolutely no idea how things were going to unfold but I decided that I would just go with the flow and see what happened. Before I knew it, I found myself taking the lead for most of that morning, surprising myself. Not one word came out of my mouth – my hands did all the talking – I was feeling pretty good about it, especially when the kids understood what I was telling them.
The first game we played was the “spider web” where a huge ball of yarn was thrown around the circle. Whoever caught the yarn had to state his/her name, age and where they were from and then while holding on to one end of the string, throw it to someone else in the circle. (Photo Credit: isabelavistue).
Pretty soon a massive spider web formed, connecting each and every kid in the group. The purpose was to foster interconnectedness among them and break the ice, giving everyone a chance to introduce themselves in a safe, fun environment. Clearly the kids were enjoying themselves.
While I was running that game, I had no idea what I was going to do or say after everyone was finally connected so I pretty much went with the flow. At the end, I came up with 
this idea to get everyone to shake the spider web up and down like you would when trying to lay down a blanket for a picnic and then vigorously shake it sideways. Finally, I instructed everyone to let go on the count of 3. It crumbled to a mass heap of what was once a colorful ball of yarn. (Photo Credit: chatirygirl)
All throughout the day, I found myself connecting with them in ways I never before experienced. To the casual observer, the picnic might have looked like just another gathering of kids but upon closer inspection, it ran much deeper than that.
New friendships were formed at the speed of light. Everyone was being validated by everyone else because all of them, including the deaf adult role models, were using the same method of communication – no one was left out. Ages ranged from 7 to 18 and they were from different counties who were coming together for the first time. It was also a golden opportunity for these kids to witness deaf adults like myself, Barbara and Sheryl take up leadership roles.
Among the 30 or so kids, Jared was the youngest and smallest of the group. Sporting a dark blue baseball cap and a missing front tooth or two, he would be the one who would end up making the biggest impact on me that day. I was in no way prepared for what was about to happen.
Barbara was leading a “Scavenger Hunt” where the kids were instructed to collect items including, but not limited to, a bug (dead or alive), the butt of a cigarette, a clover, a branch and several other things that were on a list. Whoever collected the most in a bag in the shortest amount of time would be declared the winner.
As soon as she signed “GO,” everyone quickly scampered around the park and went on what looked like an Easter Egg hunt. One by one, they ran back to us to show off their prized possessions.
At one point, 7-year old Jared stood patiently while I examined the contents of another kid’s collection. As soon as I turned to him, he proudly thrust the white plastic bag up to my face for closer inspection. I went through the list and “verified” the contents, one by one.
“Where is the bug?” I signed to him.
Poking his head into the bag, he rifled through its contents and excitedly pulled out a live worm, causing me to grin, thinking “Oh how cute.” But my face was quickly transformed to one of horror when in the next instant the worm slipped from his hand to the pavement and accidentally met the bottom of another kid’s shoe.
Jared immediately burst to tears, terribly upset at the worm’s untimely demise. He was passionately signing to me what had just happened. My heart just fell apart.
There he was, his eyes shimmering from the tears, sharing with me his most devastating moment and I understood all of it.
Every single word.
There was no communication barrier between the two of us. Ordinary people with hearing would not have understood a word.
But I did.
Signing back with enormous compassion, I asked, “Would you like to go find a new one out there?” I was pointing to the grounds beyond the pavilion.
Sniffling and wiping away snot, he nodded that he would. He then grabbed my hand and together we went hunting. Within minutes, I found a large rock and overturned it to discover a fisherman’s dream of a fat, moist worm. Picking it up with the use of my forefinger and thumb, I showed the furiously wriggling worm to Jared. His face lit up like a Christmas tree.
Gingerly putting the new livestock into his bag, I signed, “Are you happy now?”
You would have thought it was his birthday. A huge toothless grin broke across the tear streaked face and in one instant everything in his little world was alright again. He skipped happily back to the pavilion and went on with the rest of the festivities.
It was a priceless moment when heaven and earth merged with no more separation between the two.
When he first arrived, he was quite shy, not knowing what to make of everyone else who towered over him by several feet. But as the day wore on, he gradually came out of his shell and I ended up witnessing a miraculous transformation.
Food for thought: What lesson(s) did Jared teach you? Have you reached out and acted as a role model for a kid today?
Note: My interview with Lorelle of WordPress will be delayed by one day to give this post a chance to be seen and commented upon. Therefore, I will be posting Part I of my interview with her on Wednesday night rather than Tuesday night (tonight) as I customarily do. Thanks.
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7:14 am on June 25th, 2008 1
Stephen, thanks for sharing this. It warmed my heart, made me smile and nod along– because I have attended so many events like this where I or another deaf/hard of hearing adult has served as a role model. Like you, I didn’t have role models to look up to when I was growing up so I’m thankful when adults like you take the time for our kids today.
Karen Putz / DeafMoms last blog post..Are You Living Your Dream Life?
8:32 am on June 25th, 2008 2
Stephen, what a wonderful story. Mentoring kids is definitely a two way street. They teach us as much as we teach them. Being around kids, especially little ones opens up your heart chakra to the experience of love. My husband and I both have usually had extra kids hanging around that weren’t ours by birth. This practice actually started a few years before we had our two kids. Today most of our contact with kids comes through our 4 grandchildren and most of that contact is through the computer, telephone and hand written letters and postcards. My oldest granddaughter just turned 8. She and I have exchanged emails and regular letters and postcards back and forth since she started drawing in kindergarten. Both of us love the mail.
My husband Daniel and I worked as foster parents in 2 different group homes with boys for 2 years where we had 4-10 boys at a time in our home. Daniel always had extra boys and girls that he taught weightlifting to and mentored in that way. Even after we left the foster homes and moved to Hot Springs where we live today, Daniel always found some kids to teach weightlifting to. He would usually have a bunch of kids that he would take to participate in weightlifting meets after teaching them weightlifting. We still have contact with several of those kids even though it has been a few years since he had the time to teach or lift weights himself on a competitive level. Now Daniel does Civil War Reenacting and is responsible for getting several boys involved and suited out for that over the past few years. All of our kids are grown now. Every so often we will hear from one of them.
Patricia – Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworkers last blog post..Shame, The Abuser’s Friend
10:12 am on June 25th, 2008 3
[...] Aspire to Inspire a Kid Before You Expire From his blog: [...]
10:27 am on June 25th, 2008 4
Wonderful story, Stephen and Patricia. Growing up, my role model, even weak as it was, was Helen Keller. Sure, it was hard emulating her since she lived in the old times where there were hardly any equal rights and independence, and she was blind too, whereas I am not. But, it was the “closest” thing I had.
Now, it is nice to see kids have someone to look up to, and not hear the words, “You CAN’T do that”!
I remember reading a book years ago when I was a teenager, called “99 Steps Up the Mountain”. It was about a couple whose two kids were grown up and decided to adopt children with severe disabilities, which eventually totaled to 99 (not at the same time)! Very good book and I recommend it if it’s still on the Amazon website.
Nita
Nitas last blog post..A Child’s Admonishment
11:50 am on June 25th, 2008 5
Aren’t kids amazing! In just seconds they can open up the universe and you are accepted into their world. That acceptance is so special.
That’s great that you got to participate in the day’s events. Doing things with kids is always a two way adventure!
I respect people who are willing to share their time like you have.
Joan
Joan Reinbolds last blog post..Eco-Friendly & Conflict Free Jewelry
12:54 pm on June 25th, 2008 6
What a wonderful storyteller you are, Stephen. Although I am afraid of worms, I was right there with you finding one, triumphantly, with Jared.
We all appreciate your sharing your life with us. You are an outstandingly generous soul and we love you!
Corinne Edwardss last blog post..THE GREEN CHAIR – and faith
4:16 pm on June 25th, 2008 7
Corrine:
I loved writing this story. In fact, I was so anxious for the mother to hurry up and give me her approval to include her son’s name and photo b/c the longer it took for her to get back to me, the more I was concerned that the inspiration would drain away.
Turned out a whole day went by before she finally granted me approval and I’m happy to say the inspiration was still there. I enjoy writing these kinds of stories.
Afraid of worms? Hmm..interesting. How about spiders?
I love you all too!
4:18 pm on June 25th, 2008 8
Joan:
You bet that a child’s acceptance of you is just as special. It’s actually incredible. I’ll never forget my experience with that kid. When he was crying his eyes out and sharing with me his devastation, I was pulled right into his world. Amazing.
And the smile at the end – absolutely priceless. You can’t put a price on something like that.
4:20 pm on June 25th, 2008 9
Nita:
I’m grateful that even if you and I didn’t have role models in our presence when growing up, at least we can turn around and be one today.
I know what you mean about Helen Keller being a “weak” role model b/c you didn’t know her and so forth. But many of us have role models that have long ago passed. They continue to live on the screen, in books, magazines, etc.
The book you recommended sounds really interesting. I’ll have to check it out – I love inspirational/motivational books.
4:25 pm on June 25th, 2008 10
Patricia:
That’s it, that’s it! You nailed it perfectly: being around kids opens your heart charkra to love. Yes, yes. It’s exactly what I’ve been trying to say. That’s precisely what happened that day. Amazing, really.
Even when the mother showed the boy this article, he remembered me. I’m so glad I had that experience. Now I have another story to add to my life’s experiences.
You certainly had a handful of kids in your house. Wow. I can only imagine what that might be like. Was it noisy? Stressful? Of course, nothing is a bed of roses – you must have had some challenges?
I’m sure the foster boys and girls you and your husband cared for will always remember your love and support. I wouldn’t be surprised if many of them came looking for you years later to let you know how much you impacted their lives.
4:28 pm on June 25th, 2008 11
Karen:
As you can see, I’ve been working backwards in responding to the comments. I don’t yet have a system that enables me to respond directly to comments within the administration system of WP.
But here we are – I’m so glad you found this article to be of hearwarming substance. As I mentioned earlier to one of the other commentators, I really enjoyed writing it. It actually started as an email I was writing to the director of the family services center who organized this event. While I was writing that, an idea came to me and suddenly I found myself not only being inspired but thought how nice of a story it’d be for the blog. Hence what you just read.
Thanks for sharing with us today.
5:25 pm on June 25th, 2008 12
Yes Stephen it was usually noisy with boys ages 6 up to 18 years old. The first home that we were in we only had 4 boys at a time. That was more manageable. The second home we had 10 boys most of the time plus our own son and daughter who were in elementary school at the time. It was very stressful. That is why we only did it for two years. You never know if you made a difference or not. Most of them go back to their own homes eventually. Some don’t. You have to hope that you help. What I learned was that I couldn’t do much to help others heal until I healed myself. Big lessons came with that job.
Patricia – Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworkers last blog post..Shame, The Abuser’s Friend
6:21 pm on June 25th, 2008 13
Patricia:
I can imagine how noisy it must have been with boys in that age group. There must have been the strong presence of testosterone in those days. How did you handle it?
So this is a fascinating discussion. Indulge us if you will, because I’m not familiar with the foster care system.
Why would the foster care system let you, for example, adopt kids only to have to send them back home after a certain period of time? They were adopted for a reason, right?
Here’s another question: How did you manage to feed so many mouths? That can’t be cheap!
Thanks for sharing your incredible, powerful, inspiring story. It’s not every day we meet a lady who once had so many foster kids at one time.
9:33 pm on June 25th, 2008 14
The group foster homes that we were with had about 10 different cottages/houses that each had a foster family that lived in the house and took care of the kids. Ours was one of the 5 boys cottages. There were also 5 girls cottages which had all girls. Very few of our kids were ever given up for adoption. Most of ours came to us though the court systems when they got into juvenile court for doing something wrong. We had kids that everyone else considered trouble makers. Most of them would only be with us for a few months. There was one of the boys at the first home that we worked at that we would have adopted into our family if his mother would have released full custody of him but she wouldn’t.
The homes that we worked in were supported by different church groups which provided money, food and clothes for the kids. We were given salaries from the home and had no rent since we lived in one of their cottages. My husband Daniel was also paid to run their Recreation Center which means he had a play that the kids could go and play Table Tennis, watch movies, play pool, lift weights which was Daniel’s specialty. We organized outings for the kids and did normal parent stuff like doctor’s appointments, basketball games, baseball games, swimming, etc.
For meals, we did menus for meals and everybody had certain duties just like any big family. The children’s home had a storage room where they collected a lot of food from the supporting churches and other organizations. We did most of our shopping for food there. Then we had a checking account supplied by the home that other expenses came out of. The home also provided vans for each cottage for transportation. There were benefits and drawbacks just like with any other large family. Outings were fun and had to really be organized well. The only kid that I ever lost and that was for about 10 minutes was my son at a Christmas concert. He thought he knew the way back to the bus that we had taken and he took off running while I gathered all the other boys together. We got to the bus and he wasn’t there. I was scared and then when I found him I got mad and chewed him out good before we got to the bus. He never did that again. I think it scared him too being lost. He was about 9 or 10 years old at the time just beginning to think he knew more than mom.
Have I given you too much information or just enough to confuse you?
Patricia – Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworkers last blog post..Shame, The Abuser’s Friend
6:28 am on June 27th, 2008 15
Patricia:
Incredible story! Thanks so much for sharing and giving all of us a big peek into your world.
4:54 pm on July 1st, 2008 16
One of my friends in elementary school grew up with 2 deaf parents- she learned how to talk from her grandparents who mostly spoke Cajun French. After that, I always wanted to learn sign language but settled for learning French. Now I wish I could at least remember the French!
Louises last blog post..Charleston Grill Shrimp and Grits
10:43 am on July 2nd, 2008 17
Louise:
Isn’t that interesting that your friend grew up with 2 deaf parents and learned how to talk from her grandparents who spoke Canjun french? Very interesting.
Language is funny – it’s sort of like learning how to fly. You practice it often enough, you become fluent but if you stop, then your skills become rusty. Kind of like what happens when you stop flying. Sometimes months would go by before I would pick up flying, which would mean practicing take offs and landings again. But like with a bike, you never really forget things – the skills you learned come back to you – eventually.