A fellow blogger, Alex Shalman, is conducting a “Happiness Project” over at his blog and he’s opened this up to anyone who wants to participate. I’ve always thought “happiness” was overrated and something that all of us want but can’t seem to define or grasp.  We’re always talking it but everyone has a different opinion because it means different things to different people.

There’s really no way to define it but I would say that happiness is something related to how good we are feeling inside.  When we feel safe, prosperous, calm, centered, confident or light (rather than dark and heavy) then we’re going to feel some measure of happiness.

Let’s take a look at Alex’s questions and my responses and then we’ll open up for discussion in the comment section.

Alex:  How do you define happiness?

Stephen:  To me, happiness is the ability to remain calm amidst the swirling cacophony of noise from the outside world.  You may consider this answer ironic for I’ve never heard a sound in my life.  But I see how the world behaves through my eyes:  seeing other people’s actions, watching television, reading the newspaper and sifting through the Internet, to name a few. 

I consider the act of accepting myself a huge contributor to my happiness factor.  There was a time in my life when I did not like who I was because of my deafness.  As a child, I was too young to know that I was different; but as a teen, I became very self conscious of the funny looking hearing aids I wore and the way people looked at me when I spoke.  For years as a young adult, I had no clue who I was or why I was here on this planet.  As a result, I floundered around aimlessly for a long time.

The moment I realized God gave me a purpose to inspire and make a difference throughout the world, using my gift of communication as a motivational speaker, writer/blogger/author, I knew that I was born deaf for a reason.  Knowing this was a major revelation.   

It really helps to know that we all have a special mission to accomplish – it’s just that we each have a different one to carry out.  

Alex:  On a scale of 1 – 10, how would you rate your happiness now, versus when you were a child?

Stephen:  It’s all relative.  As a kid, I lived in a dream world.  For example, I imagined myself being a pilot and begged my mother to take me to the airport so I could watch planes take off and land.  I was my happiest when I stood by the fence surrounding the perimeter of the airport, waiting with delicious anticipation for the next plane to take off.  Even though I was repeatedly told by “well-meaning” adults that I couldn’t be a pilot, I kept dreaming anyway.

While I had much adversity in my life, I honestly don’t remember much of it during my childhood except for maybe a few occasions.  I remember being a happy, lucky-go kid.  I would probably give my happiness factor an 8.5 for my childhood.

As an adult, I continue to dream.  After a successful Wall Street career, I took a big risk and quit a six-figure career.  Years later, I achieved my boyhood dream of becoming a pilot.  I’m happier now than when I was making big bucks on Wall Street because I am doing what I truly want to do.  I’d probably say my happiness factor is still around 8.5. 

Again, it’s all relative and that number could change from time to time, depending on how I handle whatever’s happening to me at any given moment.

I don’t think anyone can achieve pure, blissful happiness 100 percent of the time.  It’s physically impossible, I think.  But other than the tough times I’ve experienced both as a child and adult, I’ve remained pretty happy and content throughout my life. 

Alex:  What do you do on a daily basis that brings you happiness (and how consistent is the feeling of happiness throughout your day)?

Stephen:  I write almost every day. When the words are flowing like they are today, I feel a sense of euphoric exuberance.  It’s hard to explain but there’s nothing like the feeling of cranking out words and phrases, much like the artist splashing paint on a blank canvas or the pottery artist using his thumbs to shape a vase into something beautiful. 

Writing makes me feel good, which contributes to my happiness because I’m usually in my element at the keyboard.

The same thing holds true for when I give public speeches but since I don’t do that every day, I guess I can’t use that as an example.  But I will say this:  every time I’m up on stage and the words are flowing harmoniously without much forethought, I’m in absolute heaven.  That makes me very happy.   

I exercise once a day in some form or shape.  Even if I don’t go to the gym, I’ll find a way to get some kind of a workout.  When my blood cells give me that shimmering, tingling feeling, I feel great!  What happens when you feel great?  Exactly, you feel happy.

As for your question of how consistent is the feeling of happiness is throughout my day?  Well, that’s a hard question.  I wouldn’t be honest if I told you I always maintained a sense of happiness all day long. 

While I make every effort to remain calm and centered, sometimes I do allow outer events to penetrate my little bubble of happiness.  If I receive bad news or someone makes a particularly hurtful remark, I’m definitely going to feel the sting of the poisoned covered spear.  

Alex:  What things take away from your happiness?  What can be done to lessen their impact or remove them from your life?

Stephen:  Self-defeating habits like eating junk food, procrastinating on dealing with the inevitable (like confronting someone about an undesirable situation or finishing a much needed but thankless task) and not taking care of me ultimately takes away from my happiness. 

In all of these situations, my energy goes way down and I find myself in a less than desirable state of being, which does not feel good at all. 

All I can say is that simply being a conscious person and continually raising my level of spiritual awareness is what I need to do to lessen the impact of self-defeating behaviors. I communicate with God, requesting help and guidance every day. 

I also ask myself constantly if what I’m about to do (or say) is for the good for myself and others.   What’s good for my inner well being is ultimately good for others who are around me because then they’d be in the company of a positive, happy person.  Right?  

The happier I am, the more they want to be around someone like me.

Alex:  What do you plan on doing in the future that will bring you even more happiness?

Stephen:  I would love to say that making more money would bring me more happiness but I already saw the fallacy of thinking while on Wall Street.  While I certainly look forward to reclaiming a six-figure (or even seven-figure) lifestyle, I now know that the kind of attitude you have about money is what makes the difference.  

While on Wall Street, my attitude was one of dependence.  I was dependent on money to make me happy.  The more I made, the happier I was and vice-versa.  With the way the stock market was (and continues to operate), that had a devastating impact on my inner well being.  My emotions went up and down the scale like a yo-yo.  I was making myself work for money instead of making money work for me.  Big difference.

But to really answer your question, what comes to mind is the idea of turning my home into a more nurturing place to be.  I don’t know if being a guy has anything to do with this but I find that I have absolutely no knack for decorating my home.  It’s as bare as you would imagine a home ever being!

Don’t get me wrong.  I have some nice paintings, comfortable furniture and a gorgeous sleigh bed but the home as a whole lacks that special touch.  I absolutely do not have an eye for buying decorative pieces to encapsulate my home into a quiet, loving, peaceful sanctuary.  I’d much rather go into a store and then get the heck out. 

A person’s home should be the one place where the moment you step into its threshold, all of your worldly problems, fears, anxieties automatically come sliding off at the front door.

I guess I need to buy one of those Architectural Digest magazines!  

Food for thought:  What about your happiness factor?  What does it mean to you to be happy?

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