Welcome back to the second part of my interview with Shaun Boyd of LifeReboot!  Judging from the comments and emails about Part I, this young man was a runaway hit.  Shaun touched a chord with many of you, including myself, and personally redefined the meaning of authenticity. 

Shaun, (clasping hands together) welcome back to Adversity University!  I feel absolutely giddy to be sitting here with you again – thanks for coming here.  Shall we get started Shaun?

10.  Shaun, at Adversity University, I often talk about the value of changing our perceptions in order to deal with adversity.  How have you dealt with adversity in your life?  Give us specific examples of adversity and what you did to overcome them.

Adversity is a fancy word for difficulty or misfortune, right?  If you asked me this question a few years ago, I would have said that the best way to deal with life’s difficulties is to simply not deal with them, because that’s how I used to live my life.  If something was challenging, I’d look for a way out of it — and do something that I thought would be easier.  If I was struggling to overcome something, then I would purposely avoid it — and leave it unresolved.  If I came across something new, then I would be reluctant to try it — because I was afraid of being embarrassed if I wasn’t good at it. 

The thing is, with this approach I ended up doing nothing most of the time:  I did nothing to advance my career, I did nothing to increase my skills set, and I did nothing to improve my life — all because I was terrified of failure.  I avoided life for a few years under the belief that “If you don’t try, you can’t fail.”

Unfortunately, applying the brakes in this manner resulted in something worse than failure:  Since I put a ceiling on my potential for life, the only direction I could go was down — and down I went.

I became depressed with how stagnant my life had become.  Every day was exactly the same:  Wake, work, blah, sleep, repeat.  Wake, work, blah, sleep, repeat.  When the weekend came, I bought groceries and did laundry just so I could continue my routine of wake, work, blah, sleep, repeat.

Nothing about my life seemed important, so I planned to kill myself.

Admitting this is hard for me.  It’s a dark area of my life that I don’t normally talk about.  Although I’m ashamed of it, and I’m scared of any consequences that may result from admitting it in a public forum, I feel that it’s relevant to this discussion.  More importantly, it’s the truth.

I made attempts to end my life, but my survival instinct and the fear of death always overpowered my desire to die.  It was when I purchased a pair of handcuffs — with which I intended to use to keep myself from pulling the bag off my head — that I realized I would probably succeed in killing myself.  I simultaneously realized that I needed help.

I went to the emergency room and checked myself in to the personal injury prevention program.  I was what they called a “voluntary self-admission.”  Normally, self-admitted patients are permitted to leave under their own power, but because of what I told them about my plan to kill myself, I was flagged as “high risk.”  Consequently, I was forced to stay for five days before they finally discharged me.

It was during these five days that my perceptions changed drastically.  I met a man who gambled away his entire family inheritance ($400,000).  I met another man who had problems with drug abuse.  Another man who more or less lost his face in a motorcycle accident.  A woman who had been raped by her father for most of her adolescent life.  Among this crowd, my problems seemed pathetic.

I was there because my life was boring?  More specifically, I wanted to kill myself because my life had become boring thanks to my own choices?  I felt like the spoiled brat of the group, who had plenty of opportunities to make something of his life but was too ignorant to realize it.

The hospital discharged me only after I agreed to six months of therapy coupled with antidepressants.  I ended up taking the largest possible dosage (450mg daily) of Wellbutrin XL for over two years.

In other words, I graduated from doing nothing about my problems to medicating my problems.  Interestingly, the antidepressants didn’t make me feel happy — they just stopped me from feeling unhappy because my mind was being numbed to a point where I barely felt anything at all.  I also experienced some side-effects, but my point is that medicating my problems didn’t solve them.

Finally, I understood that the only way to rid my life of unhappiness was to make some changes.  I weaned myself off the meds and started identifying what aspects of my life needed changing.

So to answer the question, I’ve dealt with adversity in my life several ways, most of which I wouldn’t recommend.  The best method I’ve used to overcome life’s struggles is to live consciously.

Identify what aspects of your life you don’t like, and then make conscious efforts to correct them, improve them or eliminate them — and don’t ever give up.

Stephen’s response:   Wow, what a devastatingly powerful response!  I especially liked “don’t ever give up” because that’s become an important motto in my own life.  It was very courageous of you and downright transparent to share this poignant story with us.  Shaun, I’m willing to bet two things:

1. One, is that the skeletons the rest of us have hidden away in our closets will be nothing compared to what you just told us! 
2. Two, I’m willing to bet that many of us have allowed thoughts of suicide to briefly flicker across the threshold of our consciousness, especially when the going got rough, but never told a living soul about it.  It’s probably more common than we, as a human race, care to admit.  

11.  What do you consider your proudest achievement in life?

Although I imagine some people won’t be able to take me seriously after I share this, remember that I’m still only 25 years old:  Currently, my proudest achievement in life is losing my virginity in a manner I don’t regret, to someone I love.

12.  What books, blogs and/or mentors have influenced you and why?

I believe that all experiences have some amount of influence on me, so it’s impossible to name all of them — but I’ll list the most significant ones:

• Book: “I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was: How to Discover What You Really Want and How to Get It” by Barbara Sher
• Blogs: I posted an article describing ten of the most influential blog posts I’ve ever read.  You can check them out at:  10 Articles That Changed My Life 

13.  Name the top 5 articles from LifeReboot that you believe readers at Adversity University would benefit from.

• 10 Articles That Changed My Life
• The Working Dead
• Perfect Timing Doesn’t Exist:  Stop Waiting for It
• Know When to Quit and When Not To
• The True Value of a College Degree

14.  What do you hope God will have to say to you when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? 

“Hi Shaun, I’m God.  I’ve installed Stewart’s Orange Creme Soda on tap in anticipation of your arrival.”

15.  Being deaf, I am always curious to know which sounds other people love and hate to hear.  Tell us a sound you absolutely adore and a sound you detest.

I love the sound of my girlfriend’s voice.  She’s a fantastic singer who regularly gets the attention of the entire bar on karaoke night.  I hate the sound of landscaping equipment, especially on mornings when I’d like to sleep in.

16.  We all have our likes and dislikes.  What would you say turns you on and what turns you off?  Give the first answer that comes to your mind without censoring or editing it.

I’m attracted to honesty and confidence.  I’m turned off by people who seem “fake,” especially liars.

17.  What is your favorite word?  Least Favorite?

• Favorite:  “Shaun” — for some reason, I’m able to hear this word no matter how completely engrossed I am in something.  Furthermore, I can sometimes single it out from the murmur of a large crowd, even while someone else is talking to me.
• Least favorite:  “Faggot” — If I hear someone use this word, I immediately lose all respect for them.  It’s so horrifyingly derogatory I can’t stand to hear it. 

Stephen’s response:  Dale Carnegie, in his book “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” weaved throughout the entire book the value of saying out loud other people’s names.  It is music to their ears (or eyes, in my case).  The best way to win friends and influence people is to say their name with vigor – they’ll love you for it.  As for “faggot,” that’s the most dehumanizing word ever created in the history of mankind.  People who utter that word need to look within and see for themselves who they really are and find out what they’re afraid of.   

18.  What’s next for Shaun Boyd?

I’m trying my hand at writing fiction this year.  The process is a lot different than nonfiction, but I’m having fun with it.

You can read the start of my first manuscript at Fail the First Time.

19.  And finally but not least, where can we find out more about you?

You can read about my thoughts and experiences at LifeReboot.  If you want to know more, don’t hesitate to contact me.  Thank you!

Stephen’s response:  By golly, Shaun, what an exhilarating interview!  You truly came forward, didn’t you?  Especially when I asked what your most proudest moment was.  (Gasp, cough, sputter, ahem), I certainly didn’t expect THAT!  Neither did I expect the answer to question # 10 and I would venture to say many people who came by today would say the same.

I learned much from you, not to mention how you touched my spirit.  I’m so thankful you were a part of “Stephen Hopson Interviews” and I look forward to meeting you in person one day.  On behalf of the Adversity University community, let me give you a virtual hug and a firm, but not bone crushing, handshake.

Food for thought:  (Turning to the community).  I would like to open the floor for comments, thoughts, feedback and general sharing from you.  But in anticipation of a larger than normal volume of comments, please keep in mind that the Stephen Hopson Interviews program was designed to be a safe place for guests to share their innermost feelings, thoughts and experiences. 

The Adversity University community continues to be a positive, vibrant and supportive place because by and large people like you have been contributing value-added comments with love, respect and integrity.  Even comments with differing viewpoints have been welcomed because they were offered in a respectful, non-abusive manner.  However, those who stepped over the line were either spammed or deleted out of existence because Adversity University cannot and will not accomodate that kind of energy.          

Ask yourself if what you’re about to share is something you would say face to face with any of us.  If your reply is yes and it can be done without stripping away anyone’s dignity, then you’re definitely on the right track - please dive in for a lively and empowering discussion! 

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