About a year ago, I had my speaking website overhauled by a local designer. A month or two after the site went live, a couple of gigs came through, the value of which more than paid for the cost of redesigning it. The site was also instrumental in securing last week’s engagement (Orlando, Florida).
It’s miraculous how it came about because I almost didn’t take this one.
The culprit was FEAR.
The chain of events began back in September 2007 when I asked influential “Pick the Brain” (PTB) blog if they would accept an article from me on ways to resolve conflicts. To my delight, it was posted at PTB on September 24, 2007.
While the article generated a lot of visitors (I was at the old Blogger platform at the time) nothing major happened. But little did I know that it was making its way to the right people at the right places. It goes to show how the universe is constantly working behind the scenes to make your dreams come true. Nothing may seem to be happening on the surface, but there’s always something going on backstage.
The article somehow found its way to an engineer from a company based out of Latham, NY (coincidentally, that’s the town where I grew up). She was looking for a guest speaker to discuss ways of dealing with conflict at their annual January 2008 meeting. I think she googled “conflict resolution” and found my article at PTB.
Impressed with it, she decided to follow a link at the bottom of that article, which led her to my professional speaking website. Acting on intuition, she showed both of them to her boss, who apparently liked what he saw and asked that I be contacted via email.
They were looking for someone to conduct a workshop to discuss conflict resolution in the workplace, specifically dealing with difficult co-workers, subordinates and clients with a little bit of employee motivation thrown in. Would I be interested?
In response, I asked her to complete the online questionnaire from my website so that I could learn more about their event. When it revealed that the audience was going to be mostly foremen, superintendents, supervisors and engineers, my stomach tightened.
This was not my kind of audience, I thought. I usually speak to corporate salespeople, university administrators/students as well as spiritually oriented groups, to name a few.
Upon further research, I learned the majority of these men and women spent most of their working lives out on the fields dealing with the disassemble and repair of turbine generators in all kinds of adverse weather conditions, often putting them face to face with unreasonable clients, embattled employees and the like. All I could see in that audience were hard core, weather-beaten people with a groan written all over their faces.
A million thoughts ran amok:
- Will they dismiss my talk as nothing more than Pollyanna gobbledygook?
- Was this a test from the universe to see if I could turn down good money saying that the program was not the right fit for me?
- Or was it giving me the chance to pluck up the courage to take my speaking career to the next level?
- Would I be able I give a 3-hour seminar and deliver full value for the client when my specialty was giving much shorter keynote speeches?
- Could I reach into the soul of foremen, engineers and superintendents, all of whom have seen more their share of adversity on the fields?
- Was the feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me this was the wrong engagement or was it just plain nervous excitement?
One day I plopped down on my couch and said to God, “Please give me a sign whether or not this is right for me.” With that, I closed my eyes and became still for the longest time.
About an hour later, I opened my eyes and looked around the living room. I hadn’t heard or felt anything. But sitting right next to me was Divine Guidance, by Doreen Virtue. It was lying face down but spread open so that I would know where I left off. The book was beckoning me to pick it up.
Turning it over, my eyes were drawn to a paragraph that said something like:
Oftentimes people ask for opportunities and gifts from the universe only to push them away because their egos made them think they weren’t worthy or capable of the task at hand or that they don’t deserve the abundance it would bring them.
WOW!
I had my answer. Immediately drawing up the speaking contract, I emailed it to the client. Within 48-hours, I had a check in my hand for the FULL fee.
Throughout the weeks that followed, I worked diligently on creating a customized handout and put together a PowerPoint presentation. Day by day, I added bits and pieces so that I wouldn’t overwhelm myself with the enormity of the task at hand. Everything about preparing for this seminar was stretching the boundaries of my mind.
Shortly before I was to leave for Florida, I was ready, or so I thought. Even though the handouts were nicely bounded together and the PowerPoint presentation was safely stored on a flash drive, my heart was still pounding hard.
God smiled and understood. He had an idea that would set me straight.
After enjoying a delicious Mexican lunch with a couple of friends, we all went back to my place to hang out. Of course, the subject that afternoon swirled around the upcoming presentation and how I might use some of the well known YouTube videos to get my point across.
Suddenly in the midst of our discussions, my dear friend Joni made a chance remark that would turn everything around in a split second:
Stephen, all that is required of you is to show up and just be who you are. Be the authentic person that you have shown yourself to be and don’t try to be something you think those people in the audience want you to be. Just share your own personal stories with them and you’ll be fine.
OMG, that was HUGE! How could I have missed that? My Dad said basically the same thing a few weeks earlier while I was visiting family over the Christmas holidays.
For the first time since the contract was signed, I felt peaceful. Even so, I had a hell of a time trying to sleep the night before the engagement. I tend to get a little excited to the point where my mind goes into overdrive, trying to come up with better ways to give the presentation. My mind won’t rest until it’s over.
Peering into the hotel’s bathroom mirror the next morning, I noticed my eyes were slightly bloodshot but not enough to be noticeable. Thank God for small favors.
When I was about ready to leave the hotel room, I took a deep breath and sat at the edge of the bed. With my eyes closed, I imagined beings of light roaming around the ballroom, watching over me. I imagined them spreading love, uplifting and inspiring each person in there. In my mind’s eye, I saw everyone having a wonderful time. After several minutes of doing this, I was satisfied that I had done everything in my power to do what I was hired to do. With that, I got up, took another deep breath and walked confidently to the meeting room.
After the CEO introduced me, I immediately fell into the “twilight zone” where the words seem to tumble out effortlessly and I lost all sense of time. I felt imbued with an incredible sense of peace. Even the toughest-looking members of the audience were laughing, smiling and nodding their heads. Several came up to me at the break to share their own private stories with me.
In short, it was a success!
Here’s what I learned from this experience:
- God and the angels are like air traffic controllers who see on their radar screens where you’ve been, where you need to go and how to get you there. Asking for Divine guidance is like a pilot checking in with the tower. Your fears, concerns, problems and questions will always be answered - it is just a matter of listening.
- Break down the process of preparing yourself for an event into small bits and pieces and do a little bit each day. Don’t wait until the very last minute to put it all together. When you’re finished, just know that you’ve done the best you could and let it go. For instance, when I was done with the Powerpoint program, aside from the normal editing, I saved it to the flash drive and forgot about it. In the past I would have been obsessed with making it perfect, constantly fixing, changing and updating the program right up to the very last minute.
- You can’t go wrong with telling stories from your own life’s experiences. When people hear a powerful story about your life, they’re able to relate to you, regardless of how “hard core” you might think they are.
- In fact, don’t prejudge anyone on the basis of their titles. They are all spiritual beings having a human experience, just like you. If you speak or act from the heart, regardless of how you look or sound, most people will welcome you with open arms.
- Trust is all that is required of you if you’re guided to take a particular step forward. You do not need to see how things will play out in the end.
- You will never be guided to do something that isn’t right for you but at times you will be asked to push yourself to your true potential.
Food for thought: Are you allowing yourself to be who you truly are in whatever you’ve been called to do?
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Welcome! I'm the founder and professor of Adversity University specializing in personal development for spiritual beings having a human experience. To see a speaking demo tape and other information, please click 
6:52 am on January 18th, 2008 1
I’ve been working on it…thanks for asking
Just imagine, if you had let fear take over you’d be out $4k and you’d be wondering what to write about!
Joshua’s last blog post..Don’t Miss the Point
7:02 am on January 18th, 2008 2
Joshua:
You’re right - had I let fear block me, I would never have learned a most valuable lesson which was as long as I am authentic, speak from the heart and just be who I am, I can reach into the hearts and souls of just about anyone and truly make a difference. I’m very thankful to have learned that lesson.
9:24 am on January 18th, 2008 3
Hi Stephen,
Michelle Carter sent me your post on fear. Thank you for your insight. I’ve been dealing with similiar issues. Ocasionally I see the issues in verse and thought you might enjoy the following:
Why is there fear
When facing a man
Or a woman at work
When we’re working a plan
Why second thoughts
Running awry
Afraid they’ll be slighted
Throw sand in your eye
The lieutenant stands up
He knows he’s no match
For the whit and the ego
That leads the attack
Its better to pass
And not to engage
Than look like a fool
Forced to read from the page
Then there’s the group
That flows from the heart
Fearless with them
For each knows his part
Even at times
In the safest of places
There’s still a concern
At signs in their faces
Reading their face
Is frequently wrong
What’s taken for you
Can be their own song
So test the water
Ask what goes on
You usually find
You’ve done them no harm
Suppose you have
Stroked the wrong way
Its better to know
Than sulk the whole day
Set up a system
To quell your own fear
Before it can grab you
Tug at your ear
Keep you from hearing
The general inside
Who works for your best
To guide a smooth ride
©1/17/08, Glenn
9:33 am on January 18th, 2008 4
Now you have to take these valuable lessons and apply them again to the next challenge!
12:08 pm on January 18th, 2008 5
Karen:
THAT’S RIGHT, KAREN!
(sound familiar?)
What’s funny is that no matter how much we’ve accomplished or experienced in life, FEAR will always try to be the “comeback kid.” It’s up to us to remember what we experienced before and apply what we learned so that FEAR can be whittled down to an insignificant bunch of nothingness.
Thanks for stopping by, as usual.
12:12 pm on January 18th, 2008 6
Glen:
I normally don’t read poetry but yours was rather poignant, thanks for sharing. I’m glad this post reasonated with you. Let me know how you’re doing in dealing with whatever FEAR you’re grappling with.
4:10 pm on January 18th, 2008 7
Wow - this post certainly hit home with me…as you know Stephen, I’ve been considering some big changes in my life. The thing that always slows me down is fear and the feeling that there is just too much to do, too much to know. I like your recommendation to break it down into manageable pieces. That’s what I’m trying to do. Thanks for an inspirational post. I’d love to hear you speak sometime!! Let me know when you come to California!
Chrissy - The Executive Assistant’s Toolbox’s last blog post..How Blogging Changed My Life
7:11 pm on January 18th, 2008 8
The fear you talk about really stems from the basic terror of rejection.
When you come down to it, the worse thing that can happen is that nothing will happen or they will say “NO.”
We can handle either. We have nothing to lose by just going for it.
This is an inspiring article from a “Professor” who ignored it all and just went for it!
I am proud to know you and also to share in the human vulnerability you show us which inspires!
10:34 pm on January 18th, 2008 9
Corrine:
You said it!
It’s a deep underlying terror of rejection. No matter how you slice it, even after all these years of sloshing through the rough and tumble world of Wall Street, giving it all up and then starting over in the name of going after my dreams, I still feel it from time to time.
Because of that experience, I learned many lessons but the most important one is: I now know that I can reach into the spirit of just about any audience out there and inspire them.
Even “Professors” get the willy-nillies from time to time. I dare any of them to say otherwise.
Why?
Because like everyone else, they’re human! I am VERY GRATEFUL for the experience and to have been able to share it with the rest of the world.
Thanks so much for your contribution to this conversation.
10:38 pm on January 18th, 2008 10
Chrissy:
I’ll be sure to let you know when I have a speaking engagement out in California!
Whether we like to admit it or not, FEAR is part of being human and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. It cannot be ignored but it also cannot be allowed to stop us from moving forward. In fact, we can use fear to fuel us towards success if done correctly.
Fear is like electricity. It can be used to help us or kill us.
Yes, I’m aware of the massive changes going in your life and I wish you the best. Taking it one piece at a time works really well, especially if there’s a lot happening. Breaking things down makes things more “do-able.”
Thanks for making a valuable contribution to this ongoing conversation. I appreciate it!
2:14 pm on January 20th, 2008 11
Yup! Turned down speaking engagements 2 two years ago because I thought I wasn’t good enough. I even gave them the names of the “real” experts. These are the same meetings and same topics I’m dying to speak on today. Bottom line I should have pushed myself to accept the assignments and boned up on the subject matter. It was still in my area of expertise-but 2 years ago I chickened.
Lesson well learned
2:35 pm on January 20th, 2008 12
Hi Stephen,
I loved this story. Thank you for how you write wide open about yourself.
xo xo
Deb
Deb Estep’s last blog post..Friends We Don’t Know YET ~ They Are Out There
3:07 pm on January 20th, 2008 13
@Leslie: The funny thing is, how do we distinquish between FEAR and our inner intuition telling us that this might not be the right engagement for us? That’s a tough one sometimes. With this one, I had gotten what I thought was an answer from a prayer to since I picked up that book and saw a paragraph that spoke directly to me. That was good enough. If it hadn’t been for that paragraph, I might not have gone through with it - I don’t know. But I’m glad I did because I learned a couple of valuable lessons. Thanks for sharing your story with us. I appreciate it.
@Deb: Hi Deb. Thanks for telling me you enjoy hearing my own inner emotions when dealing with certain situations. It isn’t always easy but I want to give back to others who exhibit authencity. When I read stories written by others who allow themselves to be vulnerable, I always get value from them. I have nothing to lose by being honest about what I’m going through in certain situations, especially when there are lessons to learn. I appreciate your support, as always.
3:33 pm on January 20th, 2008 14
Hey Stephen,
You are very welcome. You inspired me
for a blog post I made today….
http://deb_inside.typepad.com/deb_inside/2008/01/deb-you-need-to.html
Hope your staying warm on this ~chilly~ January
day in OHIO.
Commentluv is really a neat feature you have on
your site… Highlighting the last entry on a person’s blog. I’ll have to check if that feature is available on my blog platform.
xo xo
Deb
Deb Estep’s last blog post..“Deb, You Need To Have No Doubt”
5:36 pm on January 20th, 2008 15
Deb:
Thanks for sharing your story of how you remind yourself to stop yourself from having doubts. The little gadget you created is quite pretty to look at!
I don’t know if the CommentLuv plug-in works for Blogger platforms but it works most of the time for those using Wordpress. It’s another way to give linklove to readers who take the time to stop by and leave value added comments. To date, I have three plug-ins that extend my appreciation to those who leave comments:
1. CommentLuv - leaves a linkback to the commentator’s last blog article.
2. Recent Comments - leaves a snippet of your comments with a linkback to your blog
3. Top Commentators - those who leave the most comments are also given linkback to their blogs
If I find more plug-ins that freely give linklove to commentators, you can be sure I’ll be inserting them in the future!
As to the weather here in Ohio, it’s VERY COLD with temperatures hovering around the low twenties. BRRRRR! Looking forward to some warm weather. The pastor of my church commented the other night that he thought I probably wished I had stayed in Orlando after my speaking engagement was over. I said, “Yep!” Oh, how I miss the palm trees with temperatures in the 80s!
10:18 am on January 23rd, 2008 16
I just found your blog from a comment you made on Self Made Chick. I’m glad I found it. I’m also a Toastmaster (in the Boston area) and it’s helped me tremendously. I do a lot of speaking/presentations and I just realized the most important thing missing from my talks - I’m not 100% me when I present. It was a great realization about where my fear is coming from - trying to be someone I am not. That is my focus for improvement right now.
Someone once told me that FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real and I keep that thought in my mind whenever I start to create stories. The stories I tell myself are 98% false and yet they are so easy to believe as true - even when the event hasn’t happened.
Stacey’s last blog post..4 Key Components to Healthy Living
9:24 pm on January 23rd, 2008 17
Hi Stacey!
And I am very glad you found me too! If there’s anything I’ve learned with this and other experiences, it’s that no matter what you do, as long as you speak from the heart and come from an authentic place, people will open up to you, even the most negative people. It’s hard to explain but if you do it with the right combination of love, authenticity, confidence and your own inner power, it makes for a compelling situation.
I’ve heard the False Evidence Appearing Real many times and it has a measure of truth to it. I’ve heard speakers who tell stories that they haven’t experienced yet they try and sell it as their own. People can tell if you’re telling the truth or not because the speaker emits a certain kind of energy, body posture that alerts them to this.
But when you share your own stories, your body language, voice inflection, eye movements become part of it and it has a measure of authencity to it that they pick up.
Thanks for joining us for this conversation. I look forward to hearing from you again! Best wishes for continued success in future presentations.
One last thing: You have nothing to lose by sharing your own stories and tying it in to the topic at hand. There will always be one or two people or maybe more who “won’t get it” but the rest of them will! I used to be focused on the minority who didn’t like me or my story, forgetting the rest of them. But I no longer do that becuase I wasn’t being fair to the majority who were right there with me, literally willing me to be a success up there!
1:00 am on January 24th, 2008 18
I enjoy your stories and appreciate Christine OKelly’s post“How I Ditched My Job and Never Had to Come Crawling Back” where she pointed me in your direction.
It inspired me to write my own post called “Plain Talk” on sharing stories and I put a link to your post in it.
Thank you and look forward to more stories.
Pat R’s last blog post..Plain Talk
5:04 am on January 25th, 2008 19
Stephen! This is an amazing post - I hung on every word. Thank you for being so open and honest about your fear and how you overcame it - thank you! I know that I am holding myself back because of fears - you have made me think and inspired me…
Chrisitne
Christine O’Kelly’s last blog post..How I Ditched My Job and Never Had To Come Crawling Back
9:07 am on January 25th, 2008 20
@Christine: Wow, thanks. That’s a great compliment coming from someone like you. FEAR is the one thing many of us have had to grapple with at one time or another. It’s a universal human emotion that ties all of us together in some way, form or shape. I’m glad you were inspired by this post.
@Pat: Welcome to Adversity University! I am grateful and humbled that people like yourself find their way to Adversity University because someone like Christine was generous enough to be the guide. I read your post this morning. Thanks for the link love! Looking forward to seeing you participate in the community down the road!
7:14 pm on January 25th, 2008 21
[...] How I Almost Let Fear Stop Me From Accepting a $4,000 Engagement [...]
11:34 pm on January 27th, 2008 22
Love this. stumbled it - saw Corinne already did. What a great post.
Michelle Vandepas’s last blog post..Stepping Out - One Rock at a Time
5:50 am on January 28th, 2008 23
Hi Michelle:
Thank you for stumbling this article - I really appreciate it. Seems that a lot of people were touched by this experience so I’m glad I shared it with everyone. I’ve decided to add this to the list of “Most Inspiring Posts” based on the responses.
12:38 pm on January 28th, 2008 24
Well I am overjoyed to stumble on this article for many reasons. First, the factor of FEAR is incredible. Launching a new business based on my expertise and experiences (which is a lifetime)can be rattling. I too have listened. My business reached out to corporate business and organizations for Deaf Awareness training. I too asked God for a sign. This was about 6 months ago. I live in a very small town, within one hour of doing errands, I was approached by 3 people for whatever reason shared with me the desire to learn more about Deaf culture and hearing loss. I was amazed.
Another exciting reason I’m glad of the stumble is my husband is also currently a student pilot and Deaf. He’ll be glad I found your blog too.
Thank you for sharing!
12:55 pm on January 28th, 2008 25
Lisa!
How exciting to meet you, especially since you’re also a apeaker/trainer! It takes tremendous amount of courage to walk through the sea of fear and get to the other side. There is such power in doing that because whether or not the outcome was successful, we both know from experience how it can empower us in ways we never foresaw.
Thanks so much for leaving a heartfelt comment and for letting me know your husband is a student pilot! He has a lot of paths in front of him if should choose to take them. Did you catch the news from last week that Matt Herrman, from Iowa became the 2nd deaf pilot in the world to earn an instrument rating? I wrote about it in my weekly gratitude post (End of the Week Gratitude Theme #12). I think you’ll find some other items of interest in there including the now-famous Steake and Shake incident with my blogger buddy Karen Putz. I think you’ll be shocked, perhaps angered at what happened to her.
The blogging world is surrounding Karen with incredible light and love.
One last thing. I, too, ask God for divine guidance and he always answers in some way, form or shape. It’s a continual learning thing for me in terms of knowing how to “hear” his responses. Knowing what to look for or how to interpret my intuition. It’s an ongoing process.
Anyway, thanks so much for stopping by! I’m thrilled to hear from you - obviously I’m glad you found me.
Be sure to keep in touch with me and let me know from time to time how you’re doing with your training business. I see your training website isn’t up yet but I’ll look forward to seeing it once you have it up and running!
1:43 pm on March 1st, 2008 26
Great stuff. Thanks for not acting out of fear and thanks for sharing. Fear is always an easier sell than hope.
Jonathan
10:33 pm on April 1st, 2008 27
[...] How I Almost Let FEAR Stop Me From Accepting a $4,000 Engagement from Stephen Hopson at Adversity University. Stephen is an amazing writer that speaks form his [...]
10:49 pm on May 12th, 2008 28
Sometimes the seemingly insurmountable gap between our current reality and our own version of amazing (prison and freedom) is much smaller than we think. Much, much smaller. A mere step away in fact. With the only challenge being that sometimes the step we need to take is a doozy; the ‘no safety net’ step. And we love safety nets - that’s a big part of the problem. Congratulations on taking your step out of the ’safety net’.
Craig Harpers last blog post..I Don’t Like You
11:01 pm on May 12th, 2008 29
Craig:
You have no idea how thrilled I am to have you become part of my community here at AU. I love having you here!
You’re absolutely right - the gap between our own reality and our own version of amazing is much, much smaller than we think. Why? B/C it all boils down to our own perceptions of what constitutes reality. My take? It’s what you make of it that determines the end results.
Thanks for the compliment on me taking the step out of the safety net. When we do that, it becomes an adventure in itself and in the process, we learn much from the experience.
Once again, it’s an honor to have your presence here. I’ve admired and watched you for a very long time. I certainly look forward to the day our paths cross. It’s bound to happen - the laws of attraction dictate that it’s inevitable - only a matter of time.