My mind is swirling this morning with so many thoughts as we begin the first day of 2008. Some of them were posted yesterday along with a small exercise that I hope caused you to stop and pause for a moment. (Photo: Stormygirl)
Albert Foong, the blogger who I interviewed here at Adversity University last month, invited me to participate in special project called “Spread the Love NOW!” It is a joint writing project between him and two other self proclaimed monks (Wade from The Middle Way and Kenton of Zen-Inspired Self Development). Today’s article is my contribution to their efforts to spread love in a different way - self compassion.
We all talk about loving and accepting others but what about giving ourselves a piece of it? It’s the hardest thing for many, especially those of us who exhibit ”Type A” personalities. Somehow we’ve allowed ourselves to be brainwashed into thinking that having self-compassion is the same thing as being arrogant, prideful or selfish. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Yesterday, I had coffee with Shelley Kimberly, a member of my local mastermind support group who told me how much she enjoyed not only reading this blog but the kind of comments people have been leaving behind. She reminded me that while I might not yet have thousands upon thousands of subscribers, the kind of emotional responses that I get from readers have been incredibly heartfelt and insightful. In other words, she explained, it’s better to have a few hundred subscribers who are pulled emotionally into the words I’ve written as opposed to thousands who might just be passing through the night without a care in the world.
If readers here at Adversity University are emotionally inspired by the work I do here, why not cut myself a little slack and take it all in rather then letting my ego have its way? From time to time, I let it lure me into thinking that because I don’t have many thousands of subscribers like some of the more “influential” bloggers out there, I must not be making much of an impact. In the name of renewing self-compassion for myself, I say to the ego: BAH HUMBUG!
Your emails and comments are evidence that I am touching lives in ways that deeply reasonate with you (and ultimately me). It reminds me that I am using God’s gift of writing the best way I know how and not to compare myself to others. To do that would be like comparing apples and oranges.
While I did not have plans for ushering in the new year, I ended up spending time in quiet reflection and prayer last night. I’ve decided that on the basis of yesterday’s exercise, I am turning the first day of the year into an opportunity to take baby steps and proceed one day at a time. I vow not to worry over a future that God is truly in charge of and that no matter what happens, I will be okay. So will you!
Phil Gerbyshak, at Make it Great! wrote a classical example of what self-compassion looks like at: I am here, right where I’m supposed to be - So are you! While he realizes that there are some things with his life he’s not satisfied with (sound familiar?), he knows that the right thing to do is to have compassion for himself, start fresh the next day and not allow the ego run amok, leaving him depressed in its wake.
We all know that the new year is a symbolic chance to start over. But what we don’t realize is that with God at our side, how can we mess up? He sees the perfection in each of us even if we can’t see it for ourselves. He has tremendous compassion for us because in His eyes, none of us make mistakes. In the end, our life is simply an accumulation of experiences with some lessons learned along the way. If God views us with love and compassion, why can’t we?
Despite the fact that I’ve gotten lost along the way, allowed myself to be buried under an avalanche of debt, was fearful of not having enough money or made choices that might have not been in my best interest, I managed to experience something magical almost every year! You saw that with the results of yesterday’s little exercise. I’m willing to bet that if you look hard enough, you’ll find the same thing to holds true for your life as well.
With that said, let’s band together and rejoice the beginning of the new year by giving ourselves the priceless gift of self-compassion. It’s the best gift you can ever give yourself!
May God bless you as you move forward into the new year. Know that I am with you in spirit and am grateful to have you as part of my life.
Food for thought: Will you take this day to renew self-compassion and move forward, one baby step at a time, and give yourself credit for all you have done and all you will do?
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7:31 pm on January 1st, 2008 1
Thank you so much for this submission, Stephen. You definitely are providing quality and value, and sometimes that cannot be measured in terms of numbers. It’s like someone using a tape measure to compare the sizes of the physical heart, it just doesn’t work that way.
7:34 pm on January 1st, 2008 2
[...] Stephen Hopson at Adversity University. [...]
8:13 pm on January 1st, 2008 3
I stumbled upon your site, and I’m glad I did. Your philosophy appeals to me and seems closely aligned with my own. As soon as I submit this comment, I plan to review some of your previous posts.
8:14 pm on January 1st, 2008 4
Albert:
You bet! Your project gave me some creative juice to get started in the new year with writing. Thanks for the invitation and best wishes for a successful outcome. May the best person win the prize you guys are offering!
One last thing - you’re absolutely right that we cannot possibly compare the sizes of the physical heart simply because it does not work that way. How true!
8:24 pm on January 1st, 2008 5
Hey there Buz:
Thanks for stopping in. I’m glad you stumbled onto Adversity University and I hope you enjoy your time browsing through other articles I’ve written.
I look forward to your participation when you’re inspired to drop a few words again. Happy New Year and welcome to the Adversity University community!
11:29 am on January 2nd, 2008 6
Stephen,
Thank you for this post. I am new subscriber an am very grateful for the reminder concerning my responsibilites relative to God. Your words strongly resonate with me. Especially “…and proceed one day at a time. I vow not to worry over a future that God is truly in charge of and that no matter what happens, I will be okay.”
Thanks again. Peace and prosperity to you and yours in ‘08.
11:43 am on January 2nd, 2008 7
You know how we sometimes do little and random acts of kindness to others? It wouldn’t hurt to give ourselves a little bit of that kindness as well. Something as simple as giving ourselves a break and treating ourselves to coffee can count as an example.
12:53 pm on January 2nd, 2008 8
@Jane: Happy to have you as a newly subscribed member of Adversity University! Welcome! How did you discover this blog? Thanks for extending your thoughts of peace and prosperity for 08. I look forward to having you become an active member of the AU community!
@Jen: Yes, random acts of kindness towards ourseles are just as important as doing it for others. I love your example of having coffee as an example. How about a bubble bath with scented candles and incense? I LOVE treating myself to that!
1:35 pm on January 2nd, 2008 9
Stephen,
Thank you (again) for a terrific blog. Your timing is weird/amazing.
Sitting here looking forward to the New Year with both excitement and nervousness (how to be better than last year).
Then you remind us that God in charge.
The challenge (candidly) that I often face is that I forget this important point.
Thanks again, GO BLUE!
4:35 pm on January 2nd, 2008 10
Well, Stephen, as I sat down to read this article I happen to have a coffee cup in hand. I decided to have a coffee break as I was reading another example of the wonderful way that you do reach out and touch me. One day at a time is a wonderful way to start the new year. No need to rush and get ahead of ourselves. Give the Universe a little time and space to do its work in our lives. I know that we will all have a glorious 2008.
4:52 pm on January 2nd, 2008 11
Chris: I love hearing that I have good sense of timing with some of my articles because that’s what I have been aiming for! The more I raise my level of awareness about how God and the angels lead each of us with inner nudges, the more I follow suit and take action with whatever thought came to my consciousness. This article is the result of that stream of thought and I’m glad I followed through. I’d much ratehr feel natural when writing rather than forcing myself to write just for the sake of writing, you know what I mean? So, thanks for letting me know this article was timely for you. I appreciate that.
And of course, I understand your sense of nervousness about the coming year! It’s natural for those of us who genuinely want to improve our lives over last year and be led to bigger and better things. Since I’ve actually met you in person, I have a feeling you’re going to do very well this year. Just a hunch.
4:57 pm on January 2nd, 2008 12
Patricia:
And how was the coffee? I’ve learned the hard way by jumping too far ahead into the future instead of just being in the moment. When we really put our focus on being present, it does an amazing job wiping away (*or at least diminishing) our worries and concerns.
I’m so glad that you continue to be one of the most active commentators at this blog!
5:03 pm on January 2nd, 2008 13
The coffee was great. So was the article and the other two that I read on other blogs by clicking on one of your reader’s comments. I even subscribed to one of them.
5:53 pm on January 2nd, 2008 14
Patricia:
Glad you enjoyed your coffee. I love coffee myself and enjoy having it first thing in the morning. It’s a fun thing, pat of my routine.
It’s great that you subscribed to one of the blogs after clicking on one of the readers comments! That’s how we all find one another in this gigantic yet tightly knit community of bloggers. I’m glad you found a source of other information that you deemed worthy of your time.
6:01 pm on January 2nd, 2008 15
Stephen,
What a beautiful piece and I can feel that it came from the pure place in your heart. It was very touching and heartfelt and great words when I needed them the most. I printed this to put in my notebook so I could reread it over and over again.
You and your words and your life and how you live it are among the greatest gifts to my life in 2007. You are such an inspiration!!! I’m so glad our paths crossed and that we can support each other along the way to our respective destinies (is that a word - smiles). I am happy to witness your life unfold as you become a “household name”. It’s happening…while you sleep, as you blog and as you speak. You are experiencing incredible momentum! Ride it!
I read your article concerning conflict on the Pick Your Brain Blog. I think it is tremendous that it led you to a speaking engagement (one of many more to come) That attests to how powerful the article is and your words are. The proof is in the pudding as they say!
This one would be another great one to share with other blogs. It pricked my heart and moved me to tears (in a good way) as I read it.
This is going to be an incredible year for you. Keep up the good work. We need all the inspiration and encouragment we can get.
Sharmaine
6:13 pm on January 2nd, 2008 16
Sharmaine:
WOW, I’m reeling in humbling gratitude! I could feel the warm energy flowing forth from youin a most amazing way. Reading through your comment made my stomach tingle and that’s an area that where my intuition speaks to me. The fact that my stomach tingled throughout your comment says a lot about the power and truth of your words, thank you!
Thanks for being such a good friend. We almost met over the holidays but I’ll make sure we have another chance come our way!
6:17 pm on January 3rd, 2008 17
[...] in comments below)A Sense of Equinity, by Rahul WalavalkarThe Last Thing I Wanted To Give, by WatersA Day of Reflection and Renewel in Self Compassion, by Stephen Hopson 000 Explore posts in the same categories: [...]
11:06 pm on January 5th, 2008 18
Stephen - you took my small conversation and made it GREAT! Thanks for giving us even more to be thankful for and to think about as 2008 starts off. I am blessed to have you as a friend!
God is in control!
7:50 am on January 6th, 2008 19
Phil:
Hey my good friend, you bet! God is definitely in control and I’m grateful for that knowledge.
As for your your so-called small conversation, when I read it, I was deeply touched because I knew exactly how you were feeling. Thanks for your continuing support!
12:41 pm on January 6th, 2008 20
Ahhhhhh Self-Compassion - ‘Great’ message for sure Stephen.
Every single post I make on my own blog,
and also when I respond to a comment area… for a split second I always hesitate, then just DO IT
and hit the submit or post button.
Now upon reading your words, I see it’s the compassion I have for myself first that allows me reach out.
I’ve always thought that reading the blogs of others
has allowed me to see things *tweaked* in just a little different light.
~Thank You~
xo xo
Deb
6:32 pm on January 7th, 2008 21
[...] Waters at Waters: The Last Thing I Wanted To Give. Eric Grey at Deepest Health. Stephen Hopson at Adversity University. Em Dy at Pulse: Intention to Treat. Iain Hamp at Follow Your Passions. Rahul at Raw Speak. Stephen [...]
6:47 pm on January 7th, 2008 22
Deb:
That’s right Deb! And never let anyone tell you anything that would not allow you to have compassion for yourself. Do what you feel is right and never mind what others might think of what you wrote or said. It’s a free country and we can say what we feel is right for us. So, you go girl!
7:06 pm on January 7th, 2008 23
[...] Waters at Waters: The Last Thing I Wanted To Give. Eric Grey at Deepest Health. Stephen Hopson at Adversity University. Em Dy at Pulse: Intention to Treat. Iain Hamp at Follow Your Passions. Rahul at Raw Speak. Stephen [...]
5:29 am on January 8th, 2008 24
Hi Stephen,
As Albert’s already said far earlier up in the comments, I’ll say it again from Dogen’s Fascicle on Kannon. This to me speaks on the lack of meaning on total numbers, but what’s inside them. Thanks also for your entry in the GWP.
“Even if, for example, we would need the power of a hundred thousand
myriads to summon up the whole Universe in ten directions, [to try] may be better than
not taking it up at all. [A person such as Ungan], then, who can summon up [the whole
Universe] with the power of one, must be beyond ordinary power. The meaning of the
present eighty or ninety percent of realization is like this. Nevertheless, [people]
understand, when they hear the Buddhist Patriarch’s words, “Your expression of the truth
is just eighty or ninety percent of realization,” that expressions of the truth can be one
hundred percent of realization, and so an expression of the truth which does not reach
that level is called “eighty or ninety percent of realization.” If the Buddha-Dharma were
like that, it could never have reached the present day. We must learn through experience
that the said “eighty or ninety percent of realization” is like saying “hundreds of
thousands” or like saying “limitless abundance.” [Dogo] has said, already, “eighty or
ninety percent of realization,” and we have seen that he means we must not be restricted
to eights and nines. Stories of the Buddhist patriarchs are studied like this. When Ungan
says, “I am just like this. How about you, brother?” he speaks about “being just like this”
because he wants to make Dogo himself speak words that Dogo has called expression of
eighty or ninety percent of realization.”
Peace,
Wade
http://themiddleway.net
7:37 am on January 8th, 2008 25
Wade:
Well, first of all, you’re welcome (about me participating in the “Spread the Love” writing project). I enjoyed writing this post and submitting it to your contest. I see that it’s generating a lot of entries/link love for you guys and that’s great!
Okay Wade, with regards to being at 80 to 90 percent realization, are you saying that if we are at this state of mind, we do not need to be thinking actual numbers but unlimited abundance? I had to re-read your paragraph above a couple of times to “get it.” Could you rephrase it in laymen’s terms? Thanks my friend!
7:43 am on January 8th, 2008 26
Hi Stephen,
What I was trying to use that paragraph to say, and it is a very tricky paragraph, is that the number’s don’t matter, it’s what’s contained inside each number that’s important. And inside each number is multitudes of myriads, boundless. Hope that clears things up a little. Hope you also enjoyed the text.
Peace,
Wade
http://themiddleway.net
7:53 am on January 8th, 2008 27
Wade:
Ah, I see, thanks for the clarification. Indeed that last paragraph in your first comment was a bit tricky because I had to re-read it twice to decipher the meaning.
But now that you’ve shed some more light on it, I understand it better now. Thanks Wade! It’s true - numbers really don’t matter despite what the rest of the world says about that. Very intereting point! Thank you for your fast reply in clearing this up.
Best wishes with your writing project. May the best article win!
2:21 pm on January 8th, 2008 28
[...] Stephen Hopson at Adversity University. [...]
10:09 am on January 10th, 2008 29
[...] Stephen Hopson at Adversity University. [...]
2:44 am on January 11th, 2008 30
[...] Stephen Hopson at Adversity University. [...]
1:51 am on January 19th, 2008 31
[...] stephen hopson at adversity university. [...]
2:18 am on June 11th, 2008 32
[...] A couple worthwhile reads include his ways of looking at life and his discussion of the power of self-compassion. I’d love to see a conversation between him and Jonathan on religion and intelligence [...]
11:35 pm on January 9th, 2009 33
Stephen, I find your remark about ego a realistic one which merits reflection. Why is it that bloggers feel driven by numbers? People will eagerly post quantities of subscribers or statistics that reflect the nature of people who pay attention to what is being written or commented in a given category. As we evolve toward fearlessness, we will deliberately eliminate or dissolve the desire to measure quantities in our lives. We will realize self-worth has nothing to do with our readership. Self-compassion is not determined by how many people read or do not read your blog, books or other publications. Self-love begins and ends with you.
9:12 am on January 10th, 2009 34
@ Liara Covert:
That’s the ultimate question: Why do bloggers feel driven by numbers? Why does anyone?
Probably because of the ego’s need to feel validated. I admit I like looking at the numbers but on a deep level, I know it doesn’t mean anything other than what we give it.
You’re right - self love begins and ends with you - that’s incredibly important. We forget that because society bombards us with ads telling us sublimely that we aren’t beautiful or thin enough.
12:38 pm on January 17th, 2009 35
An interesting analogy is to focus on how the mind and physical body are programmed to disintegrate from birth. Each human being is also going through motions of deconstructing a conditioned sense of self. This evolves to seem like “I” and “me” before we move to stop using these words and identity evolves again. As you say, society constantly tells us things. People often come to believe or adopt what they are told. They even begin experiencing the effects of actions they did not initiate. The thing is, any person is free to stop watching news, to stop absorping destructive messages anytime. What you do or do not do relates to your level of awareness and will to change.
1:26 pm on January 17th, 2009 36
@ Liara Covert:
How is it that you are so full of wisdom? Every single comment you’ve left here at Adversity University has given us immeasurable value and insight. You continue to amaze me with your thoughts and beliefs because they are very much parallel to mine!
It’s a blessing to have you here - I’m so thankful you feel inspired enough to take time out of your presumably super busy schedule to share your thoughts with this community.
11:32 pm on January 23rd, 2009 37
Stephen, if you believe in reincarnation, then you might presume to believe who you are today emerged from who you have been, and what you have learned before. I am of that belief and sense that my recollections are strengthening exponentially. It is a pleasure to simply recognize what it measn to exist or not and go with the flow. Look forward to hearing from you again at Dreambuilders Australia.
5:33 pm on January 24th, 2009 38
@ Liara Covert:
Yes, I believe in reincarnation, definitely. I can see the logic behind the idea that we keep coming back to pick up where we left off in terms of lessons learned (or not). Of course, I have no proof of anything of this nature but it resonates with my soul to believe that whatever lessons we didn’t get to fulfill in a particular lifetime, we come back either to Earth or another planet and get another chance to complete those lessons.
11:52 pm on February 7th, 2009 39
One dictionary defines proof as, “evidence sufficient to establish a thing as true.” As you evolve, you realize you establish the parameters for what constitutes a valid conclusion for you. You also realize you invent doubt as a way to resist something part of you already believes. If a person concludes he observes an ongoing debate between brain and mind or ego and non-ego, then that person decides the nature of the debate and what, if anything he will retain and use from the experience.
8:51 am on February 8th, 2009 40
@ Liara Covert:
Well, that’s why we have “free will.”