To start off this week, I thought it would be fun to share behind the scenes look at what it has been like to do something for a living that most people list as their number one fear: public speaking.
Yikes! Does the mere mention of those words strike fear in your heart? If you’re like most people, it does. (Photo Credit: laffy4k)
These are my own observations for I have personally gone through the gamut of emotions involving the very thing many people are afraid of. If I were a psychologist evaluating my life’s history, I would probably say I became a motivational speaker because as a child with a profound hearing loss, I missed out on a lot of late-night dinner conversations, often becoming lost in the shuffle of human interaction. The psychologist in me says that because of that, I unconsciously set out to find a way to make up for it.
My theory is that I gravitated to public speaking because that’s where I discovered that public speakers are in total control over the flow of information. Everyone’s attention is riveted onto you, hopefully hanging every word you’re saying.
It’s quite the theory, isn’t it? Whereas as a kid, no one paid much attention to me at the dinner table but now that I am a professional speaker, I have command of hundreds, sometimes thousands of people in one room. How cool is that?
My goal with this article is not necessarily to convince you to become a public speaker. Instead, it is to encourage you to think about the possibility of what it can do for your own personal development should you decide to take up the challenge of doing what most people list as their #1 fear.
Regardless of what you do with this article, I will tell you this. Being able to get over your fear of public speaking can have a huge payoff for your career or business. Employers are always looking for candidates with excellent communication skills. Even if you aren’t in the position to use public speaking as a tool for your career, it can be a significant confidence booster.
I once had the pleasure of watching Ann, a painfully shy woman with poor social skills, transform into a major social butterfly after taking public speaking courses. It was an absolute miracle to witness. There’s nothing like the feeling of giving a good speech that was well received. But it requires the willingness to walk through your fears and risk possible embarrassment on the way.
The moment I had my spiritual awakening on the beach in April 1996, I knew I was destined for an altogether different path. Except for the few speeches I gave while in college, I had no idea it was part of God’s divine blueprint for me. Other than my success on Wall Street, I didn’t feel I was much of an expert in anything. It wouldn’t be another several years before I realized I had the right to claim expertise on overcoming adversity and achieving the impossible like I did when becoming the world’s first deaf instrument rated pilot in 2006.
Like Brian Kim says, it’s all about doing the best you can with what you’ve got. And then giving yourself a pat on the back and answering Lyman’s question, ”Are You Doing the Best You Can Do?”
TWO WAYS I GOT STARTED
Joined Toastmasters (TM)
The first thing I did was to become a member of the Roughriders Toastmasters Club in New York City shortly before quitting Wall Street. You can easily locate one in your town by visiting TM’s website.
It is a place where everyone knows exactly what the others up at the podium are going through, thereby providing a friendly, supportive environment.
Here’s what I got out of it:
- Practiced giving prepared speeches by following guidelines to help absolute beginners become a competent speakers.
- Got positive and constructive feedback from other members after giving a speech.
- Was frequently voted ”Best Speaker” and ”Most Improved Speaker,” a tremendous motivator to keep going (I collected a lot of blue and red ribbons in those days).
- Learned how to think on my feet during the dreaded ”Table Topics” portion of the meetings. The moderator would pull a question out of thin air and randomly select someone to provide a quick, succinct one-minute response. It was NOT my favorite thing because I was never comfortable with giving off-the-cuff remarks but it prepared me well for future question and answer sessions.
- Gave me an opportunity to enter local, state, divisional and international TM speech contests. One year I advanced all the way up to the divisional level, winning first place in a humorous speech contest and beating out Julie Morgenstern who, years later, would go on Oprah, instantly making her a best-selling author. She was like Clay Aiken, the second place American Idol winner who became more popular than Ruben, the guy who beat him. But you wait Julie, you’ll see what God has planned for me, I’ll catch up to ya! (Evil Cackling in the background)
Spoke at Service Clubs like Kiwanis, Rotary, Lions
Here’s a tip if you never, ever want to go hungry. Service clubs are always looking for speakers in exchange for a free meal. Yes, that’s right, you can speak for food! It is at these meetings where you can step outside the safety confines of your TM club and get in front of real audiences, testing new materials and taking risks (like moving away from the podium for the first time). Simply look them up in the local phone book (or google them) and then say, “I’m available to speak for food!” Whoever answers the phone will get a big kick out of that and you’ll be booked immediately at the next available slot – trust me!
BUT WHAT WILL I TALK ABOUT?
You may not think you have anything worth speaking about but you actually have a treasure trove from your own life’s experiences. People LOVE real-life stories as opposed to dry, boring facts. As soon as you learn how to weave personal experiences in your speeches, you’ll have a captive audience in the palm of your hands. They’ll be influenced and impacted by your words simply because you cared enough to shared a piece of yourself that they can identify with. For example, everyone loves rags to riches stories. Do you have one? What about stories of defeat or triumph? Everyone has experienced some form of adversity. How inspiring it would be for your audience if they knew that they could also overcome great odds to succeed, just like you!
Here’s what you can do when looking for stories:
- Chicken Soup for the Soul books: When I first started out, I was stuck for story ideas. I had not yet learned how to pull together my own life experiences so I used some of my favorite Chicken Soup stories in the beginning. An example would be a speech I did for the Brooklyn Kiwanis Club many years ago called You Are Making a Difference!
- Create a file for “Major Life Experiences:” This is where you list your biggest achievements, biggest disappointments, most embarrassing, most devastating and the funniest moments of your life, to name a few. The moment I created this list, I couldn’t believe how fast and furious ideas sprung forth!
- Write Short Stories: Write out short stories for each major experience you’ve had. The act of writing it out makes it easier for you to remember important key points during a speech. I took this one step further and submitted them online to see how others would react to it. That’s how I ended up publishing three different stories in three books, one of which was ”Chicken Soup for the College Soul” (i.e. Dare Take Risks!). There are a ton of websites out there begging for short stories like heartwarmers.com and many others. All you have to do is google “inspirational stories” and you’re on your way.
- Interview Your Parents, Teachers: Ask them what you were like when you were growing up. Find out how you handled challenges back then. This is guaranteed to trigger long forgotten memories, giving you access to even more stories for your speeches.
HOW DO I GET RID OF THE BUTTERFLIES?
Visualize the audience with loving energy: Draw into your mind a sea of smiling faces in the room. If feasible, visit the location of your speech the night before and mentally bless the room with thousands of angels of light, silently affirming to yourself, ”The audience loves me and I love them back. Their hearts are genuinely touched by my messages.” Then just before you go to sleep, pull up your memory of the room and go through the visualization process again. If you can’t visit the room ahead of time for some reason, create an image in your mind and project the love of energy onto your imaginary audience. The more love you give out, the more you will get back.
Let out a Bloodcurdling Scream: Years ago while preparing for a speech for an audience of a thousand people, I asked to be led to the basement of the building where I was to speak. I had an idea that I wanted to try. Upon finding myself a small abandoned room, I shut the door, took a deep breath and then let out the loudest scream I could muster. Oh what a relief it was! Of course, I ran the risk of scaring the hell out of someone who might think I was being murdered. But gosh, it really worked!
Workout: If screaming isn’t feasible, the next best suggestion would be to wake up early on the day of the speech and give yourself a strenuous workout at the gym, go for a run or do some push-ups in your hotel room. Work up a sweat and then take a long, hot shower. It’ll relax your body, mind and spirit.
One reassuring note for aspiring public speakers: Despite the countless of professional speeches I’ve given, I will be the first of many to admit I still experience butterflies. Not the crippling kind but perhaps the heart-pounding mixed with trepidation kind. For as long as I am a speaker, I think it will never go away completely, regardless of how many times I decide to scream or do push-ups in my hotel room or visualize the room with loving energy. I once heard that the moment the butterflies stop, it’s time to quit because then you’re no longer excited about what you’re doing.
BE WILLING TO TAKE RISKS
Start with Notes at the Podium Then Move Away - Inches at a Time: As a beginning speaker, you will most likely make extensive use of the podium. It has served as a great refuge for many throbbing knees and shaky hands. But as you gain more confidence, it’s advisable to move away from it because the podium serves as the great divide between you and the audience.
The first time I moved away was on the night I spoke at the Kiwanis Club in Staten Island (south of Manhattan, accessible by ferry). It was an after-dinner speech that started with me clinging onto the podium (hey, I had to warm up first!).
A few minutes into the speech, I heard a voice in my head telling me, ”Go mingle with the audience, NOW!”
Hesitantly I squeezed the podium one last time and let go. The security blanket was no more.
Soon I found myself mingling with the audience, Oprah-style. It was so liberating! I couldn’t believe how much fun I was having.
Then it happened.
I was more than halfway through the speech, doing rather well when suddenly my mind went blank!
I froze on the spot, feeling my face turn beet red.
Everyone knew what had just happened and they just sat there, waiting to see what I would do about it.
Fortunately, I had the good sense to make light of it and threw out some kind of wisecracking self-depreciating remark, which ended up bringing down the house. I went on to give one of my best speeches that night, learning a valuable lesson.
The lesson was this: Most audiences, while they expect the best from you (i.e. confidence, poise, humor, authenticity), they are also quite forgiving, especially when you allow yourself to be transparent and not some high and mighty speaker looking down on them.
Believe me, most audiences really want you to succeed. And you will, if you give them the love and respect they deserve. They’ll give it right back to you.
THE BIGGEST SECRET OF PUBLIC SPEAKING
It is this: Only you know if you messed up. Unless you say something about it, the audience has no idea what you meant to include as part of the speech. I can’t tell you how many times I left something out but I kept right on going. They can always ask you questions at the end of the speech or approach you afterwards. So don’t sweat it. No matter how many times you’ve given a speech, you’ll always leave some things out.
THE MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT
For this one, I’m going to point you to a story of something that happened when giving a speech to a group of distinguished businessmen in the city of New York. Long-time subscribers to Adversity University will remember it – the rest of you can see it at How I Survived a Most Embarrassing Experience at a Speaking Engagement Involving a Bottle of Mouthwash. I hope you have a good chuckle with it! Do let me know what you thought of it.
In summary, if you want to learn how to give public speeches and boost your self confidence then:
- Join Toastmasters
- Speak for Food
- Utilize Your Own Life’s Experiences for stories
- Take Risks
- Keep Going Even if You Mess Up
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11:43 pm on December 2nd, 2007 1
Stephen… thank you for this! I’ve been thinking about finding and joining a local Toastmasters for a while now, and haven’t acted on it – this article could have been the final push I needed.
It’s also interesting that I just did a write up of my future self, and part of it included public speaking… I worded it “I’m still no great orator, but I do get by better than I could in the past.”
I think that, after reading this article, that I could do a whole lot better than “get by.”
Thanks!
7:11 am on December 3rd, 2007 2
Lyman:
It’s really cool to know that you wrote in your “future write-up” that you would become a public speaker. This actually triggered an idea for a new post – thanks for reminding me!
Yes, we all can do better than just “getting by” but remember the wisdom of your most recent article that we are all doing the best we can, right now, at this very moment.
Until something like an article (like mine) comes along, taps you on the shoulder and gently says, “Okay, you’ve done just fine but now it’s time to take yourself to the next level – shall we?”
I’m glad to know that today’s post encouraged you to take action and join TM. You’ll forever be changed. It’s one incredible organization. Everyone will understand exactly what you’re going through (i.e. nervousness, etc.) b/c they’ve all been through it.
Let me know how your first meeting goes. I’d love to hear about it. Also feel free to ask me questions along the way – I’d be happy to give you more tips about TM and/or public speaking.
10:59 am on December 3rd, 2007 3
I loved the “Table Topics” part of Toastmasters. That is where they called your name and gave you the topic to speak on while you were walking up to the podium!
I remember one around Halloween where I was given the topic of Leprechauns! That was a challenge!
You have inspired me to go back.
Three things I would like to add to this excellent and comprehensive article on speaking – on the subject of stagefright.
1. Helen Hayes said that she hated to go on the with anyone who didn’t have it. It made for a better performance.
2. Do a little soft shoe dance (in private) to East Side West side. It makes you sillier.
3. My favorite was an activity I did with my authors on my TV show. Although they were excellent writers, they weren’t speakers and were usually very nervous.
I made them play “patty-cake” with me – starting slowly and then faster and faster until they were laughing!
It relieved the tension and got the energy up for both of us.
Just adding my two cents, as usual!
11:52 am on December 3rd, 2007 4
Corinne:
I loved your idea of playing “patty-cake” with some of your authors prior to going on TV. That’s really cool! It goes to show that we are ALL children at heart. All we need to do is coax it out of each others.
Will you play patty-cake when I finally meet you? Brilliant!
I didn’t quite catch the Helen Hayes statement. What did she mean by not wanting to go on stage with anyone who didn’t have it? Are you saying she refused to go on stage with those who couldn’t get themselves together? Is that what you meant? It was a little confusing to me….thanks for clarifying.
Your two cents, was BRILLIANT, as usual!
1:07 pm on December 3rd, 2007 5
Helen Hayes was implying that stage fright gave you an “edge” and encouraged you to do your best!
Yes, I will play pattycake with you!
Will you do a soft shoe dance?
5:00 pm on December 3rd, 2007 6
Thanks for the tips! I certainly will be using your tips to help me prepare for my future.
5:24 pm on December 3rd, 2007 7
Hi Stephen,
This is a very interesting article. I don’t really have a fear of public speaking since I do it a lot, but I have somewhat of a fear of getting embarrassed because I always turn red. I mean I know what I’m talking about when I’m upfront, but I just keep on turning red! I don’t feel nervous, I just think that its a natural reaction of my body when I get hyped up during a speech. Which is why every time I know I’ll be speaking to a crowd, I need to wear a turtleneck so that they don’t see my chest blush. Any thoughts on this?
5:27 pm on December 3rd, 2007 8
@Corinne: Ah, I understand now about the Helen Hayes quote. Makes sense now. Thanks. Well, I certainly look forward to playing pattycake with you one day! Hehe. And yes, my dear friend, I will do a soft shoe dance but you’ll have to give me tips on how to do it!
@Elias: You are quite welcome and I look forward to watching you grow and prosper! I’m glad you took a moment to stop by and say hello. Thanks.
5:41 pm on December 3rd, 2007 9
Laureen (LJ):
What an interesting, thought-provoking comment about what happens when you turn red.
My immediate instinct is that while you may not be “nervous,” your body is merely in an heightened state of activity, causing the blood to rush all over the place. I’ve actually heard this happen to others, although not necessarily in the realm of public speaking. There is a name for this though. I’ve met people who blush at the drop of a hat.
One thing that comes to mind is prior to the engagement you might want to use the power of visualization whereby you envision some kind of healing white light throughout your body, which might have a calming effect on the body’s internal mechanisms. See if that works.
The other thing is to focus on that light in order to take away the focus of the embarrassing possibility of turning red. If you’re familiar with the law of attraction, when we focus too much of what we don’t want, it persists. Try using the light as a substitute and not worry about it. Say to yourself, “So what if my chest gets red, the turtleneck is too hot anyway.” Between the declaration of intent and the visualization exercise, it might disappear altogether but you’ll have to practice it. It won’t disappear overnight.
Does your heart rate speed up prior to the engagement? What happens when you open your mouth? Does this blushing seem to get worst or does it fade away?
Obviously, you’ve truly intrigued me with this question. Let’s put it out to the AU community and see what others might have to say on this subject. Maybe someone else out there has experienced the “blushing” effect too.
From one professional speaker to another, thanks so much for stopping by! I expect to see this conversation expanding by leaps and bounds when I come back to my blog to respond to comments.
5:57 pm on December 3rd, 2007 10
I am prone to a foot cramp from time to time. When that happens, I immediately concentrate on blood flowing in my lower leg slowly and smoothly back and forth. At the same time, I relax myself and imagine my veins relaxing as well.
Lo and Behold, my foot cramp is gone!
It is “all in the mind”, as most people would say.
Mind can control the body. But if it is vice versa, not too good though.
7:22 pm on December 3rd, 2007 11
Ok, here we have a comment from Nita about the power of visualization. How long does it take for the foot cramp to go away after you begin the visualization process?
Good suggestion, Nita. Thanks for your great input, as usual.
Anyone else?
7:52 pm on December 3rd, 2007 12
About five minutes or so, as long as you don’t get distracted.
10:41 pm on December 3rd, 2007 13
“Does your heart rate speed up prior to the engagement? What happens when you open your mouth? Does this blushing seem to get worst or does it fade away?”
Well I do feel an adrenalin rush prior to coming in front of a crowd. I guess I get excited, not nervous. Feedback that I usually get from people that I don’t notice is that, I talk to fast while I’m speaking, which is why I get the idea that I’m hyped up. The moment I open my mouth, the best way to describe it is I get hyper. Like a kid, playing Nintendo. Not nervous, just hyper! The blushing will go back and forth depending on how the speech go. If its a very calm, serious discussion, it fades away. But when the discussion is way too hyperactive, as I said, I get a little excited. Therefore, I blush. Hope that made sense to people.
5:20 am on December 4th, 2007 14
Hi,
Great post. Starting through Toastmasters is probably the best way to start speaking. I joined 13 years ago and still love it.
Cheers
Darren Fleming
Australias Public Speaking Coach
http://www.executivespeaking.com.au
6:56 am on December 4th, 2007 15
LJ:
It’s obvious that you are very passionate about speaking. That’s wonderful! Everything you said made sense.
Best wishes for continued success, especially with the blushing situation. Hey, I just had an idea.
If the blushing is really obvious, why not make light of it with your audience? They’ll love you for it! For instance, one time my hearing aid made this loud feedback sound next to the microphone. The result was a loud squealing noise. I knew it was happening by the way everyone was reacting. Rather than dying from embarrassment, I made a self depreciating joke like, “I think the spaceship has arrived to take me away.” Something like that. They loved it.
Food for thought?
7:03 am on December 4th, 2007 16
Darren:
Hello there! Thanks for stopping by here for the first time. It’s great to have you here!
Have you been a member of the same TM club in the last 13 years?
If I had stayed in New York City, I would still be with the Roughriders Club – they are a great bunch!
Hope you come by again! P.S. How did you find this article?
7:22 am on December 4th, 2007 17
Hey Stephen, bullseye again with your post.
I was a Dale Carnegie Instructor for a long time and we used to teach pretty much 100% of what you stated (especially “The Biggest Secret of Public Speaking”).
I’ll add one more if I may…prior to the presentation I’ll mingle around the room and introduce myself & chat with a number of people in the audience.
Benefits: this connects me to the audience, calms me down a lot and I can make reference to someone in the room during my presentation (if appropriate).
7:49 am on December 4th, 2007 18
Chris:
It’s really cool to hear you were a Dale Carnegie instructor for public speaking!
Oh yes, that’s right – mingling with the audience prior to the presentation is a GREAT way to calm yourself down. I totally forgot about that! Thanks for bringing it up.
See? Even when writing articles, one can forget to add “one more thing,” just like when you give a speech. It’s impossible to remember everything and there’s not enough time and space to do it anyway.
I especially like this tip because if you are able to remember the names of those you introduce yourself to, like you said, you can make reference to someone in the room, if appropriate. EXCELLENT!
By the way, are you still teaching Dale Carnegie public speaking courses?
8:06 am on December 4th, 2007 19
Thanks for asking.
I help people make the green stuff grow(!).
Instructed Carnegie a number of years ago (10+); I own an independent financial services firm – helping individuals set up retirement plans that will provide them retirement income that they can’t outlive.
8:31 am on December 4th, 2007 20
Chris:
Nice 5 second introduction you got there! Make the green stuff grow. Cool.
Now that the holiday season is around, I’m sure you’ll be making the rounds of parties – a perfect place to practice the 5 second introduction.
9:15 am on December 4th, 2007 21
Stephen, I have actually made jokes about it already. When people start to notice I jokingly say, “Yes, I’m mestiza” which in the Philippines (where I reside) means a Filipina mixed with foreign ancestry, which is usually seen as attractive. It’s what I usually use when I’m not wearing a turtleneck!
9:24 am on December 4th, 2007 22
LJ:
That’s way cool! And so when you say “Yes, I’m mestiza” it serves more or less an icebreaker for both you and the audience.
I’m assuming when you speak, you’re in bright spotlight, making it easy to see the blushing. But what about when you’re way up on stage? It’s harder to see the redness, isn’t it?
9:45 am on December 4th, 2007 23
Stephen: True, but as I said, I’m not really nervous. I just think I blush too much.
It’s not going to a problem if people don’t notice. But if they do, I’m used to making fun of myself. It just becomes embarrassing if, say, I’m speaking to a panel of potential clients or line managers. Of course I can’t say, “Yes, I’m mestiza” to them, but I have used that several times when I’ve conducted training sessions and seminars to people I don’t even know.
10:24 am on December 4th, 2007 24
Great article! I knew about Toastmasters as a resource, but I think my hurdle is figuring out where to speak to groups, since I’m on the new age/metaphysical side of life.
This has been very motivating, thank you!
Blessings,
Andrea
1:00 pm on December 4th, 2007 25
LJ:
Right on! You’ve started an interesting discussion on this particular post – thank you!
I look forward to seeing you again on future posts. It’s been fun interacting with you. Best wishes for continued success with your speaking endeavors.
1:03 pm on December 4th, 2007 26
Hi there Andrea!
Thanks for letting me know this particular article was found to be motivating. I appreciate it.
There are no limits to what you can talk about either in TM or elsewhere. I believe you will be led to the right venue to speak about your passion of God and metaphysical subjects. That happens to be my passion too and I find ways of weaving spiritual messages even when talking to big business groups. Those who are spiritual, will “get it.” Those who are not, won’t hear it.
Best wishes for finding a venue for your subject matter. There are people waiting to hear your message.
6:20 pm on December 4th, 2007 27
Hi Stephen!
You continue to amaze me! Your energy and level of accomplishment is astonishing to those of us watching you grow, personally and professionally! This website is wonderfully done, and this post is inspiring and insightful.
It’s a pleasure to follow your projects!
Wilma Fellman, M.Ed., LPC
Author, Speaker, Career Development Counselor/Instructor
6:28 pm on December 4th, 2007 28
Wilma:
It’s great to hear from you again! Thanks for your interest in my personal and professional growth. It’s been an exciting year, I can tell you that much!
Thank you for taking the time to stop by and wish me well in a very public way. I’m glad you like the site and this post! I just realized this article (and others at Adversity University) might be a great source of inspiration for some of your career development clients! Subscribing is FREE.
11:19 pm on December 4th, 2007 29
You know, i wonder…
How did your family reacted when they foudn out about your plans to be a motivational speaker?
2:11 am on December 5th, 2007 30
HI Steve,
Over my 13 years in Toasties I have been in 4 clubs in 3 states.
I found your blog through Google Allerts. I get a google alert every day for new internet entries for Public speaking. You came up on that.
Google alerts are a great way to research what is out there.
Did you check out my blog http://www.executivespeaking.wordpress.com
Cheers
Darren Fleming
Australia’s Public Speaking Coach
http://www.executivespeaking.com.au
6:59 am on December 5th, 2007 31
Elias:
I distinctly remember telling my mother one cold day in November. I was visiting my parents for Thanskgiving. We were out on the front lawn and I told her, “Mom, I’m leaving Merrill Lynch to become a motivational speaker.”
She shot back with a bunch of questions, “How will you survive?” “You’re nuts!?” “Do you have any money in the bank to survive?” etc.
I told her simply: “Mom I know I have to do this. I just know it.” She knew better than to try to change my mind. The rest is history.
Thanks for asking.
7:00 am on December 5th, 2007 32
Darren:
Yes, I did see your blog on public speaking and it looks great! Keep up the good work.
8:52 am on December 9th, 2007 33
[...] go read Stephen Hopson’s Confessions of a Motivational Speaker. I found this just after posting my Opie, where I wrote that “people and organizations have [...]
11:37 am on January 31st, 2008 34
I very much appreciate you sharing this! So nice to read from someone who actually does this. THANK YOU!
Angela Klocke’s last blog post..I feel restless
12:35 am on March 4th, 2008 35
Hi Stephen,
I stumbled upon your site via Phil Gerbyshak and wow! this article is great. I joined Toastmasters last year at my work here in Sacramento (Smilemasters) and the suggestions you posted instantly created a thought storm in my head of topics that I can use. Embarassing moments from childhood, proudest accomplishments, the ideas are flowing now. I think that everyone likes a well told story and the suggestions (writing them down as a short story, for instance) are going to have instant results for me.
I will be back, thanks for sharing these with us.
7:51 am on March 4th, 2008 36
Brandon:
It’s exciting to know that my article was of value to you, especially seeing how your brain was abuzz with ideas on what you can give a speech about. Thank you for stopping by and best wishes for a fun time in TM!
1:22 am on May 30th, 2008 37
[...] THIS is good to share with others. This Stephen Hopson’s blog has a lot to gain. See more under [...]
5:53 pm on October 30th, 2008 38
Hello Stephen,
As a fellow Toastmaster, I wanted to thank you for posting this article. I have felt those butterflies and I find that they help me become more focused. Take for instance what happened last night…
Last night (Wednesday) was my weekly Toastmasters meeting. I did a speech on “Refusing to settle”. I didn’t do as well as I would like. I knew instantly that things were not going well when my brain froze two minutes into my speech. It is the very first time that that has ever happened to me. My feeling of not being confident instantly turned to inner chaos. The feeling of standing in front of all my peers and not having a clue what my next sentence should be almost sent me into a panic. My mind was spinning and searching for anything to say and thankfully words started coming to me. Even though they were not the words I had originally planned, they seem to fit well enough to get me out of my panicked state and complete my speech.
“Brain Freeze” taught me a very valuable lesson. No matter how well prepared you feel, there will come a time when everything that you have rehearsed multiple times will crumble. It is in these times that all of your studying on any particular subject will come in handy. Thankfully I am well versed in overcoming adversity and was able to intertwine the lessons on overcoming adversity into “Refusing to settle” and it worked out. I would venture to say that my struggle was evident being that the “Best Speaker Award” went to another member. If they were giving out rewards for improvisational skills, I definitely would have won.
I wanted to share that short story with you and your readers to let them know everyone freezes in front of an audience, even if it is an audience you stand in front of every week.
Take care Stephen and I wish you the best of success and prosperity.
Bobby
9:30 am on October 31st, 2008 39
@ Bobby:
Wow, this was by far the most perfectly timed comment! It is as if you’re an angel disguised as a human being named “Bobby.” Let me explain.
I have been through your experience almost exactly the same way when I’d be giving a speech and suddenly I’ll have brain freeze. I was giving a major keynote speech yesterday (just got back home last night) and was “analyzing” how I did.
First of all, for some strange unfathomable reason, every single time I have an out of town speaking engagement, I get so excited, I cannot fall asleep no matter how luxurious the hotel is. So the next morning I am running on adrenaline but dreadfully exhausted on the inside. I haven’t been able to figure out how to resolve this.
I gave the keynote and was allowing spirit to move through me. But I felt as if I could have done a better job, because I said things that I had not planned to say and I had not said things I wanted to say. You know what I mean.
I did get a standing ovation at the end and several came up to me with tears in their eyes but deep down I feel as if I could have done better. So trust me, I know how you felt 100 percent. Thanks so much for sharing your story with me. You inspired me to rethink how I did with my keynote yesterday. Maybe I did a good job after all, despite the lack of sleep and the fact that I forgot a few key things to say.
10:47 am on November 1st, 2008 40
Hi Stephen,
I firmly believe that everything that happens, happens in the midst of God’s perfect timing. I’m pleased that my post came in at the most perfect time. I wanted to personally congratulate you on your success. I am still struggling to get my first “paid” speaking event and I know it will come in time. I tend to get incredibly impatient, imagine that! I can’t wait until I get my first standing ovation. I get them from my club members, but I think they are only being polite. But I cant imagine the feeling of a true standing ovation. What a rush that must be.
Take care my friend and conitnued success and prosperity,
Bobby C
11:29 pm on January 4th, 2009 41
I relate to this blogpost on many levels. I share the encouraging perspective about Toastmasters (TM) and would highly-recommend this uplifting atmosphere to everyone. It is not simply for people considering a career in public speaking. In my mind, its a constructive envronment for anyone who desires to become a better human being and feel more confident about himself. While involved in a particularly unfulfilling job, I became involved in TM. This environment was positive and social and inspired me to be more true to myself. Like you, I also became involved in TM competitions, but as time went on, I chose to focus more on mentoring and applying the confidence and transferable skills I gained differently. The public speaking experience was useful for opportunities that I created in my life and had not foreseen. TM also nurtured my faith and trust in myself which has taken me places I never imagined.
8:40 am on January 5th, 2009 42
@ Liara Covert:
I enjoy TM tremendously and find it to be uplifting and inspiring. We have a meeting every week. It’s a great group of people to be with and I’m thankful for its existence.
12:15 pm on January 17th, 2009 43
In the monthly TM magazine, the stories of how people come to apply their TM skills are surprising and educational. I recall one man turned his love of wine into a livelhood as a wine tasting guide and speaker at vineyards where he took his groups. This and other stories teach us we are only ever limited by fear and also our imagination.
Sometimes life experience also prompts you to take a break from situations like TM that you enjoy. I have known people to take a leave of absence due to family or personal illness, or just because other life commitments have changed. TM is helpful for whatever peiod of your life you become involved. People touch your heart and inspire you to proceed with your life in ways that make you feel good.
1:34 pm on January 17th, 2009 44
@ Liara Covert:
I get the TM magazine too. It’s full of interesting and helpful information indeed. The beauty of TM is that it’s open to everyone regardless of speaking experience. It’s also a place where everyone has the same thing in common, which is almost everyone gets nervous when speaking in front of a group. This bonds them together because they each know what the other is going through.
8:16 am on March 9th, 2009 45
I wont say that I’m an active public speaker but I have spoken many times in front of more than 200 people where my heart was saying “NO!” but I somehow forced myself to it. This is a great article and I learned of many new things here, great work stephen!
11:46 am on March 9th, 2009 46
@ Abdulrehman:
Good for you! Sometimes you have to force yourself to do the thing you fear the most and then afterwards you wonder, “Wow, that wasn’t so bad!”
1:27 pm on March 17th, 2010 47
Wow, what a motivating and interesting post. I really enjoyed reading it. I’ve just started looking around your blog here and I’m finding many posts that look interesting and which I’ll definitely read. Thanks Stephen…..