It took me years to come to terms with my hearing loss. As a kid, not a day went by when I didn’t wish I was someone with “normal hearing.” It would be a long time before I finally became aware of my inner power and understood that I was on a very special mission to make a difference in the world.
One night I had a brilliant idea. I decided to leave my hearing aids at home and go out on the town for a few drinks. That way no one would know I was deaf—without those hearing aids, I looked completely “normal.”
Taking the train downtown to Soho, I entered a trendy nightspot and immediately ordered a martini. I sat at the bar by myself, minding my own business, looking around but not speaking with anyone. Don’t ask why I would go out and not want to talk to anyone! But so far, so good.
Just as I ordered a second martini, a lady who looked like she had just stepped out of a James Bond movie walked in. She was wearing a long mink coat that trailed behind her 100 miles, wore a red dress and red fingernails, a red pocketbook and even red shoes. I never saw anyone so color coordinated!
I wondered who she was—perhaps a movie star or something? I gulped down the martini.
Within seconds she slid next to me and proceeded to order herself a glass of red wine, the color of which matched her lips exactly. She was clearly alone, but I did my best to ignore her.
At some point, I ordered a third martini and somehow made the mistake of turning in her direction. The inevitable followed. She said hi. I said hi back. Suddenly we were talking about nothing important. As far as I could tell, my accent-sounding voice never betrayed me. I must have been doing a good job lip-reading because I was responding in all the right places. Every time she laughed, smiled or rolled her eyes, I did exactly the same. She had no clue.
Eventually, we reached a lull in the conversation. I ordered a fourth drink and while I was waiting for it, the James Bond Lady suddenly leaned over and started to whisper in my left ear! Instead of instinctively backing away and telling her that I couldn’t hear, I just sat there and acted as if I knew exactly what she was saying. I laughed, smile and shook my head as if she were the funniest lady in the world.
Suddenly she pulled back and looked at me in a quizzical sort of way. Judging from her look, she was looking for either a “Yes” or a “No.”
It took all of two seconds to respond. “Uh-huh, yep, sounds GREAT!” I smiled.
I guess that was all she wanted to hear because her reaction was swift and purposeful. She expertly extinguished her cigarette, gulped down the rest of her drink and dove into the mink coat all at the same time, while barking orders like a drill sergeant, “FOLLOW ME.”
As if in a trance, I trotted after her like a clueless Golden Retriever to a waiting cab outside the bar.
While the cab wound its way in and out of traffic on the way uptown, my mind was busy with thoughts, trying to figure out what exactly she whispered in my ear earlier. We’re probably going to a party, I concluded.
Within twenty minutes, the yellow taxicab pulled up in front of the swanky Ritz Carlton hotel on Fifth Avenue. After she paid the fare, we both breezed through the marble lobby and took the elevator up to the 19th floor. I grew increasingly uncomfortable as the numbers climbed higher on the overhead panel.
Trying to appear nonchalant, I finally asked, “So, where are we going?”
“You’ll see.”
“Oh.”
Arriving at the 19th floor, we stepped out, turned right and walked about halfway down the long corridor, stopping at Room 1960 (I remember that number because that was the year I was born). Pulling out the room key, she turned to me and breathlessly said, “Are you ready?”
Trying to appear like a cool cat, I shrugged my shoulders and managed an unintelligible response, “Nuhhh.”
Pushing the card in and out of the slot, she swung the door wide open. My eyes were immediately drawn to the king-sized bed, and what I saw made my knees buckle. I had to hold onto the doorframe for support.
Sprawled across the bed was an assortment of leather chaps, a pair of handcuffs and a whip!
Face paper-white, I slowly turned to her and shakily said, “Hey, listen, um, this really isn’t my cup of tea. I thought you invited me to a party or something.”
The James Bond lady’s face turned into a mass of contorted fury. Bringing the tip of her red fingernail dangerously close to my face, she yelled angrily, “WHAT, ARE YOU DEAF OR SOMETHING?!?”
“Yesssssss!”
And then I bolted past her to the stairwell, where I practically slid all the way down to the lobby and hopped into a waiting cab—just like in the movies.
When I arrived home fifteen minutes later, I fixed myself a fifth and final martini.
Food for thought: Be authentic. You were created exactly as you are for a divine purpose. If you don’t accept yourself for who you are, how can you expect others to accept you?
End of Sample Chapter 9
Chapter Nine Exercise
We’ve all made decisions that placed ourselves in embarrassing or otherwise dire situations (hopefully not like I did with the “James Bond Lady”!). Despite those decisions, you’ve actually never, ever made a mistake. This is because everything that happens is nothing more than an experience. That’s all it really amounts to.
Having said that, have you ever made the decision to deny the very essence of who you are by dressing, speaking or acting in a certain way because you were afraid others would judge, criticize or attack you? Have there been situations in your life where you agreed to do something even if it didn’t feel right in your bones because you were worried others would disapprove?
Write down where you could be adding layers of protection to shield you from the reaction of others. What’s the perceived reality of withholding this information?
What’s the worst thing that could happen if you became a more transparent in certain areas of your life?
What’s the best thing that could happen?
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6:49 am on August 13th, 2007 1
Great stuff…. I can relate to this very well, NO not the whipping and stuff, just the deafness and whispers in the ear issue.
Being deaf myself and knowing where you are coming from here, I have to admit I have never felt bad about wearing my hearing aid and normally would be staright about it IF a beautiful lady whispered into my ear.
If half an hour goes by without them noticing my deafness I will admit to it with a smile… ;o)
Great blog, glad a a friend pointed it out to me.
I’ll keep “listening”, pardon the pun. ;o)
Take care.
Rob
7:37 am on August 13th, 2007 2
Rob:
Hi there, thanks for commenting on this story.
Thankfully there was no whipping that evening. LOL. But boy, what an experience it was. It taught me a strong lesson on self acceptance.
Isn’t that why we are made the way we are? There are no accidents. We were made in this body for a specific reason, I believe but sometimes we aren’t aware of it until something like that experience cames along to smakc us awake. It certainly left a red imprint on my cheek that day!
I’m so glad you stopped by Rob! Welcome to my world and thanks for letting me in yours.
Stephen
10:51 am on September 22nd, 2007 3
Whoa, Stephen – your story is WAY better than mine! And well written, too – I was kept in suspense until the door was opened. LOL Thanks for visiting my site as well!
10:54 am on September 22nd, 2007 4
Barb:
Thanks for the wondeful compliment! I love to write, as you can see. And I’m very grateful when the words flow. When that happens, I’m very much in heaven and feel an overwhelming sense of excitement and gratitude.
Thanks SO MUCH for stopping by and for telling me how much you enjoyed the story. I appreciate it much.
Stephen
7:55 am on October 15th, 2007 5
[...] to subscribe via Email or RSS feed Welcome!Several months ago I posted an article entitled, “The Price You Pay for Not Accepting Yourself,” a funny account of what happened after I purposefully left my hearing aids at home while [...]
3:02 pm on October 18th, 2007 6
[...] about the “Grandmotherly Client From Hell” along with the “James Bond Lady Fiasco“ were regaled, much to their delight. Everybody, including myself, ended up having FUN! [...]
10:41 am on October 2nd, 2008 7
This story always cracks me up! Wouldn’t it be funny if that gal found you on the ‘net one day?
10:53 am on October 2nd, 2008 8
Strong work – should make an interesting entry into the contest.
Some thoughts:
On the opening – what if you opened with “Have you ever heard the voice of God?” Maybe play on the fact that its harder for you to hear it due to deafness? May play better than ‘most embarrassing moment’.
In describing mink coat – instead of 100 feet long, how about a comment about how many minks it took up? The entire Mink population of the state or country of (pick appropriate geographic location).
What if ‘equipment’ became a veritable playground for adults, complete with chains, a ball pit, and twisty slides? This can soften the edge without losing the humor.
At the end, how important is it that you make a huge point? Perhaps go back to refer to the voice of God. Even with a point, to win the Humorous contest you want to end on a laugh – so make the last point funny.
This is a wonderful speech, filled with humor, description, suspense – excellent job. Good luck!
11:01 am on October 2nd, 2008 9
Stephen,
Isn’t it great that you can look back on this and laugh today? A very funny story, and extremely well written. I can see how this has won you some humorous speech contests. Good luck with it this weekend!
11:06 am on October 2nd, 2008 10
@ Phil Stanoch:
Oh yes and it feels good to share it with others because it has a valuable lesson in it. Thanks for the compliments.
I’ve been busy honing it for the next contest this coming Saturday. Pretty psyched for it.
11:08 am on October 2nd, 2008 11
@ Rich:
These are absolutely pheonomially excellent suggestions. They are all fantastic food for thought.
Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts with me. I’m now off to the gym for a vigorous workout to clear my mind and then return to the task of honing this speech a bit more and chew on your ideas, thoughts and suggestions.
I would never have thought of the “how many minks, etc.” Interesting! I’ll keep you posted, of course.
11:09 am on October 2nd, 2008 12
@ Karen Putz / DeafMom:
Oh Good God NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I am deathly afraid of someone who looks like the Glenn Close character from the movie “101 Dalmatians”!
7:41 pm on October 6th, 2008 13
When you first told me this story, I thought I was going to wet my pants laughing! Oooh, that’s even funnier!
This is great and just teaches us that we need to be clear about who we are, as well as what we are doing, and learn from our mistakes. You learned a big one here!
7:30 am on October 7th, 2008 14
@ Lorelle:
Thanks Lorelle! It’s a story I’ve told hundreds of times and I continue to refine it for the benefit of the audience I tell it to. Definitely contains a lesson behind it.
12:59 pm on October 14th, 2008 15
“Are you DEAF?!!”
“WHAT?”
You brought us all with you and beautifully. Thank you for this reminder of my humanity. I’ve been there in my own version so many times. Some lessons we just have to live . . . don’t we? I’m smiling with you.
9:49 am on October 15th, 2008 16
@ Liz Strauss:
Thanks so much Liz – I enjoy writing stories about things that have happened and turn them into life lessons to be shared with humanity. I’m grateful you got a chance to read this story and smile along with me.
I’m also very grateful and humbled that you alerted some of your people about this story because right after you left a comment, I suddenly saw a nice spike in traffic and assume it was because of YOU.
Thank YOU. ((hugs))
12:01 am on January 5th, 2009 17
This story reminds us how far we are sometimes willing to go before we are ready to swallow our pride. Is is not funny, looking abck, how difficult we convince ourselves it is to just be ourselves, accept ourselves with all our imperfections? Based n this story, you were given some humorous opportunities to expand your horizons. Although you did not always follow through, you taught yourself meaning is found in taking risks. When you remain open-minded and receptive, learning is perpetual.
8:29 am on January 5th, 2009 18
@ Liara Covert:
That was definitely a most embarrassing moment but I certainly learned a profound lesson. It’s funny now and people laugh appreciably when I tell them this story at speaking engagements or when having a private conversation with people.
1:53 pm on January 17th, 2009 19
Embarassing moments provide some very useful stories for us to refer back to later. In fact, emotional situations in general often provide indispensible lessons. As we think about it, mundane experiences do not turn our heads abruptly or, raise our awareness as effectively as situations that startle or shock us. This helps explain why nightmares can also be extremely effective wake up calls to pay attention to something we had been denying, rejecting or avoiding. Our physical bodies are incredible teachers. They daze and amaze us!
2:02 pm on January 17th, 2009 20
@ Liara Covert:
You bet! In fact, this story has become the staple of most of my keynote speeches. It always tickles people’s funny bones and they “get the message.” This was definitely one of the more “shockin” and memorable experiences for my audiences. I even won several local Toastmaster humorous speech contests last year with this story!
1:49 am on June 16th, 2011 21
This story is funny but at the same time a learning experience for others to love and accept yourself as you are. However people sometimes need to experience embarrassment for them to grow and learn some of life lesson. Love reading the story.