Every single person who appears on the stage of our lives has something to contribute, regardless of the outcome. They all take on the role of a teacher with a lesson plan for us. For example, David, the elementary school bully you met in Chapter Three, was one central character in my life. If he hadn’t approached me on the playground that day, I wouldn’t have learned just how much courage I had inside me.
“Harry the Arrogant Bank Boss” was another such character. When I was transferred into his department at a large Wall Street bank in the early nineties, Harry had no choice in the matter: top management had placed me there after I completed two years of financial analysis training in another area of the bank.
It didn’t take long to learn that this man had a sordid reputation for chewing out his subordinates over practically anything that went wrong. Harry trusted no one and rarely promoted from within. His inner circle consisted of long-time cronies who were “yes-yes-yes-yes” people. Fear and intimidation often ruled the day and because of that, virtually no one had the guts to challenge him.
Harry was like Jekyll and Hyde. I found myself dreading the start of each work day because I never knew how it would go. If he was found to be in a foul mood, the staff joked amongst themselves about who would be the “whipping boy”‘ that day (yours truly certainly had his share of that whip). On other days, he’d be in a fantastic mood and babble incessantly about his grandchildren, a favorite topic of his.
At the time, Wall Street was undergoing massive restructuring due to the tremors caused by the 1987 stock market crash. Thousands were being laid off, and job security was no longer guaranteed. You were considered lucky if you had a job. Of course, having Harry for a boss added uncertainty to an already unstable and stressful work environment at the bank.
One day, a friend who had no idea what I was going through was inspired to give me Norman Vincent Peale’s classic book, The Power of Positive Thinking. It was exactly what I needed. A particularly powerful chapter was called “New Thoughts Can Remake You.” Reading that chapter literally sparked a chain of life-transforming events I would never have predicted or been able to orchestrate myself. It introduced to me a timeless and powerful idea: To change your circumstances, first start thinking differently.
It took my world by storm. The moment that sentence entered my consciousness, I made a decision that I was going to change my attitude and perceive Harry in an entirely different light from that point on.
So every morning before going to work, I sat comfortably on my black leather couch, closed my eyes and saw Harry as the frightened, insecure human being who ruled the office with an iron fist but who somehow was dramatically transformed into a loving, doting grandfather at home. In my mind’s eye, I saw him happily romping around in the backyard with his grandkids.
I visualized this scenario for several months. No one knew about this exercise except God and me. But once this grandfatherly image took root in my subconscious, it transcended the illusion of power he had over me, and I gradually stopped perceiving him as a tyrant. It began to put a positive spin on my outlook at the office.
Although he wasn’t aware that I was doing this, he must have noticed the subtle shift of energy taking place within me. Without being consciously aware of it, he began to take more interest in what I was doing, stopping by my cubicle more often just to chat with me. He would ask me questions about the things I was capable of doing, rather than focusing on what I couldn’t do. The transformation was startling. No one could believe this was happening.
Over time, Harry began to shift gears and treat me as someone who could be trusted. Rather than keeping me at an arm’s length, he seemed to perceive me as an ally, dramatically changing the nature of our boss-employee relationship.
It had gone on like this for about a year when Harry did the unimaginable. On the day of our annual performance reviews, he pulled me into his office and gave me the shock of my life.
“Congratulations, you’re being promoted to a senior position!” he exclaimed. He extended his hand in congratulations.
I nearly fell off my chair. Within hours, the entire division had heard about this unprecedented promotion. Everyone thought a miracle had just happened—but I knew differently. What had just happened was completely natural, in accordance with Natural Law; what you sow, you shall reap.
Three months later, an opportunity to work for financial giant Merrill Lynch opened up. It was as if the universe was telling me, “Good job, Stephen, you learned a powerful lesson and now it’s time to move on.”
Stay tuned for more on that subject!
Food for thought: People who push our buttons and make our lives challenging are really teachers who are placed on our path to help us grow as spiritual beings having a human experience.
End of Sample Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven Exercise
We’ve all encountered people like Harry who knowingly or unknowingly pushed our buttons. Sometimes the encounter is brief, like running into someone on the street while other times the connection extends to a period of many weeks, months or even years.
When we remember that are no accidents, we always learn a lesson of some sort. In the case with the “Arrogant Bank Boss,” I learned that love ultimately wins. I also learned how to harness the power of my thoughts: to change my circumstances, I had to think differently.
Are you experiencing less-than-ideal circumstances in your life right now? Try the same visualization experiment I did and see if you can find the good in whatever situation you find yourself. For instance, are you dealing with difficult co-workers or customers? Do you “hate” your job? Do you have a boss you perceive as a tyrant? Take one negative situation in your life and reverse your thinking about it.
Name one or two people, particularly those who might have “rubbed you the wrong way” or seemingly caused you grief and share with yourself what lesson(s) you learned from them. Remember, be gentle with yourself. This is for your eyes only. Don’t let your ego judge you. Go within and ask your higher self for the answer and see what comes up.
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3:53 pm on July 19th, 2006 1
Bravo! As a college professor it is the same intent and purposes that i try to instill upon my students. Not only to understand the scenario in which we are thrust upon, but the applications and responses in how we react to a particular stimuli. I am also a firm beliver of being repsonsible for our outcomes in life. I too, like you, Stephen, dont want life to go by and say sitting in my rocking chair when i am 86 years old. “I should have done this, I should have done that…” In other words stop bitching and do something about it!
3:54 pm on July 19th, 2006 2
Bravo! As a college professor it is the same intent and purposes that i try to instill upon my students. Not only to understand the scenario in which we are thrust upon, but the applications and responses in how we react to a particular stimuli. I am also a firm beliver of being repsonsible for our outcomes in life. I too, like you, Stephen, dont want life to go by and say sitting in my rocking chair when i am 86 years old. “I should have done this, I should have done that…” In other words stop bitching and do something about it!
7:13 am on August 9th, 2007 3
Enjoyed this one!
7:21 am on August 9th, 2007 4
Karen:
I’m glad you enjoyed this story. It’s amazing, isn’t it? When you change your perception about others, especially if it’s laced with loving thoughts, your outer reality really does change! It’s a lesson I’ll never forget. It’s probably the hardest lesson to learn becuase there you are – having to face someone who you perceive (at least in the beginning) to be making life difficult for you. How can you send loving thoughts to that person?
Pretty hard huh? But once you get the hang of it, miracles transform right in front of your eyes – it’s most amazing!
Thanks for stopping by and writing.
Stephen
7:09 am on October 15th, 2007 5
[...] 2. The Law of Attraction is NOT about manipulation. For instance, trying to changing other people’s behavior – only God can change people, not you. The only person you can change is yourself. When you change yourself for the better, others can’t help but notice and behave favorably. This is what happened with my experience with “Harry the Bank Boss.” [...]
6:17 pm on October 25th, 2007 6
I so empathize with this post, Stephen. I have shared this experience, but unfortunately, I was so overwhelmed by the whole experience that I was never able to do what you, so bravely, did. Thanks for sharing and inspiring.
7:48 pm on October 25th, 2007 7
Hi Ivana:
I’d love to hear about your personal story too. It’s what makes the world go around. Every person on this planet has a special, unique story so one day if you are up for it, I’d love to hear your experience too. Even if you weren’t able to do what I did. It doesn’t make yours any less valuable, especially in retrospect. You probably learned something from it and that, itself, makes for valuable wisdom that you now carry around inside yourself.
10:25 am on July 27th, 2008 8
Hi Stephen,
I was looking at your site and read under “Other Posts You Might Like”
and found the story in your post one that was very inspiring and got me thinking, I want to that too! Your reference to “The Power of Positve
Thinking” and the chapter “New Thoughts Can Remake You”, really rang
out at me because I have had this book for about 10 years and have
only glanced through it UNTIL I read your post. I got the book out and
read this chapter yesterday. I feel great! I am just “finding my way”
from years of simply wrong thinking but I know I’ll get there. I have your
site saved in my favorites and check it out now and then because its so
great BUT unfortunately my thinking over the last while is not what it
should be and can be and I haven’t read it in a while but something
just pulled me to it again, it was no accident.
Thank you so much.
Jaee
7:48 am on July 28th, 2008 9
@ Jaee:
Jaee:
I was traveling when I saw your incredibly powerful comment and couldn’t wait until I got back to the PC to write this to you (I was using my Blackberry when the comment notification came in).
First of all, I’m so inspired about how you “stumbled” your way through my blog and found my story about how I got promoted through the power of positive thinking and visualization. I’m so thrilled to hear that this story impacted you in life changing ways. Thank you for letting me know. It is life changing messages like this that keep me going.
Yes, you will eventually reach a point where your old way of thinking no longer exists. It takes time to reprogram your belief system and rewire your brain. The key is to first become aware, which you have evidently done, and then from there you can begin to live life consciously and take baby steps toward change.
Congratulations! You’re right – it was no accident you were led to that particular article. God and the universe leads us in mysterious ways and I’m glad you found me.
12:14 pm on January 5th, 2009 10
Norman Vincent Peale’s book is indeed engaging. Books like that gain more significance in our lives when we are able to see the principles applied in everyday experiences. As you evolve to recognize positive things are happening in your life, then you can also shift to realize how you think actually attracts what is happening to you. That means, you have the power to change what is not working or what you do not like. Every experience shapes our perception of ourselves, and prepares us to face the choices which await us around the corner.
8:08 am on January 7th, 2009 11
@ Liara Covert:
It’s all about becoming more “aware” – it’s been like that most of my adult life, especially in the mid 90s. I stopped partying (was living in NYC at the time) and began to “wake up” out of a deep slumber. That’s when my spiritual journey came alive and various opportunities and information came to me in a natural way like the “Power of Positive Thinking” – it was perfect for that time.
6:32 pm on January 18th, 2009 12
A great many people born in the country feel drawn to move to larger cities. One misconception is this is the only way to make your fortune. Through life experience, many of these same people desire to leave cities because of the struggle and negative vibrations they encounter. Yet people do not realize that they put themselves in environments as an exercise to learn. People may seem to suffer a great deal for nothing, but they perceive as they do for reasons.
I have a friend who is a widowed seamstress in her late eighties. How we met is a story in itself. She was making me a briesmaid dress for a wedding that never ended up happening. Nonetheless, we share cups of tea from time-to-time and exchange life lessons. She is proud to live in her own home that is paid for. She now drives her fourth car that is paid for as well. She is one of ten children who grew up in poverty on a remote island. Being the third eldest, at age sixteen, she left this island of her own initiative to travel to the mainland to a city to make her fortune. That place became her home. She initially made fifty cents a week and sent half of it to her mom every week to help buy flour and feed the other children. This elderly friend of mine describes how she cried out of loneliness and had a tough time for years. yet she stuck it out. She worked in a brush factory for thirty years and evolved to recognize and accept her own feelings. Her life story reminds me how so many people seek relief from their challenges when it is those very challenges they require to grow. Without being confronted by challenges, we would not gain insight into logic and reasoning. We would not be introduced to the feeling of temptation to flee. As a person learns to put into words whatever feelings come to mind, especially those things about which he is most reluctant to speak, that person begins to taste the healing power of free association. It complements positive thinking.
7:02 pm on January 24th, 2009 13
@ Liara Covert:
This story continues to be one of my most often told stories at speaking engagements.
I love the story of how you met the seamstress! Thank you so much for sharing it with us. I am touched by how she had a tough time for years yet she stuck it out. That’s how I’ve experienced my life too!
Wow, your thoughts blow me away! I’m speechless. Thanks for sharing.
8:03 am on March 9th, 2009 14
People like that really do boost my productivity, or just to prove myself right I would work hard for something they said I couldn’t do!
11:48 am on March 9th, 2009 15
@ Abdulrehman:
It’s always a good feeling to show people, especially those who said you couldn’t do something, isn’t it? Often times they are naysayers because they themselves don’t think they can do it and therefore they project their fears back to you.
5:31 pm on April 30th, 2009 16
I do appreciate the story and thanks for sharing it. My only point is that this may be more truer of US culture… I am from India and here changing people’s pre-conceived notions is so tough ! Any comments?
What approach do you suggest when you are hitting a wall and do not have too much time to change the person’s heart?
Your reply is appreciated.
Please keep blogging and keep inspiring all of us. Let the universe bless you.
8:30 am on May 2nd, 2009 17
@ “Viveka”:
Hi there and welcome! It’s wonderful to have international readers from all over the world. My view is not to try to change anyone’s heart but your own. In reality, at least from a cosmic point of view, there is no such thing as “time.” But on this planet, we have “man made time” – there are 24 hours in a day and we have all become accustomed to that.
As a deaf person, I continue to get weird looks from people when they hear me speak for the first time. Years ago, I used to let that upset me but now I am amused when people react that way. The key is to come to terms and accept yourself for who you are. Once that is deeply ingrained within you, you will radiate a different kind of energy. Perhaps you’ll be more peaceful or smile more or walk with your back straight or perhaps you’ll hold your head up higher and walk in confidence.
You see, when you love and accept yourself for who you are and all your flaws, then you’ll be emanating a different kind of energy that people will pick up on. Then they’ll naturally soften their perception of you simply because you’re radiating a different sort of energy. A lot of times people, especially those who are “unaware” will not know what it is that hit them but they won’t be able to help but match your outer radiance. Does that make sense?
Let me leave you with one final thought: pray for those who have negative preconceived notions about you – bless them – love them (at a distance if you wish) and ask God/the universe/higher power (whatever that might be for you) to not only change your heart and your perceptions of others but also attract the right people to you who will love and accept you for you.
Hope that helps.